The chart shows the percentage of car manufacture’s total sales in North America, South Americ, Europe and Asia.

The bar charts indicates the proportion of automobile sales in 4 distinct zones in the 4-year interval starting in 2006.
From a preliminary observation, the percentage of car sales in Asia was the highest figure over the period, while the reverse was true for North America.
Starting at 30%, the figure for Asian slightly increased to a half of car sales in four areas. In contrast, the proportion of North America witnessed a considerable decrease to a half of its total sales, reaching the bottom in 2008 before rebounding back to the initial at approximately 12% in 2010.
Similarly,The figure for Europe and South America experienced a downward trend, beginning at approximately 30% and gradually decreasing to the end. However, in 2009, the percentage of South America unxepectedly dropped to only one third of its initial statistics.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar charts indicates" -> "The bar charts indicate"
Explanation: The subject "bar charts" is plural, so it requires the plural verb "indicate" for grammatical agreement.
"the highest figure over the period" -> "the highest proportion during the period"
Explanation: "Proportion" is a more precise term in the context of sales data, and "during" is more appropriate than "over" when referring to a specific time frame.
"the figure for Asian" -> "the figure for Asia" Explanation: "Asian" is an adjective, while "Asia" is the correct noun form to refer to the continent.
"slightly increased to a half of car sales" -> "slightly increased to fifty percent of total car sales"
Explanation: "Fifty percent" is clearer and more precise than "a half," and "total car sales" provides context for the percentage.
"the proportion of North America witnessed a considerable decrease" -> "the proportion of North America experienced a considerable decrease" Explanation: "Experienced" is a more appropriate verb choice than "witnessed," which is less formal and can imply passive observation rather than active change.
"reaching the bottom in 2008" -> "reaching its lowest point in 2008"
Explanation: "Lowest point" is a more precise and formal expression than "the bottom," enhancing the academic tone.
"before rebounding back to the initial at approximately 12% in 2010" -> "before rebounding to its initial level of approximately 12% in 2010"
Explanation: "Rebounding to its initial level" is clearer and avoids the redundancy of "rebounds back," which is informal.
"Similarly,The figure for Europe and South America experienced a downward trend" -> "Similarly, the figures for Europe and South America experienced downward trends"
Explanation: A space is needed after the comma, and "figures" should be plural to match the two regions being discussed. "Downward trends" should also be plural to reflect the separate trends for each region.
"beginning at approximately 30% and gradually decreasing to the end" -> "beginning at approximately 30% and gradually decreasing until the end of the period" Explanation: "Until the end of the period" clarifies the timeframe and enhances the precision of the statement.
"the percentage of South America unxepectedly dropped" -> "the percentage of South America unexpectedly dropped"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "unxepectedly" to "unexpectedly" improves the professionalism and readability of the text.
"to only one third of its initial statistics" -> "to only one-third of its initial value"
Explanation: "One-third" is the correct hyphenated form, and "value" is a more precise term than "statistics" in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. Instead, it recounts details mechanically with no clear overview. The essay also presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details rather than providing a clear overview of the main trends.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of car sales in Asia increased over the period, while the percentage of car sales in North America decreased. The essay could also highlight the key features of the data, such as the fact that the percentage of car sales in South America dropped significantly in 2009. The essay should also avoid focusing on details and instead provide a clear and concise overview of the main trends in the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are noticeable issues with overall progression and clarity. While it attempts to describe trends in car sales across different regions, the lack of clear referencing and substitution leads to some repetition and confusion. For instance, the phrase "the figure for Asian" should be corrected to "Asia," and the use of "the bottom" is vague. Additionally, the essay does not consistently use paragraphs effectively, leading to a somewhat disjointed reading experience. The cohesive devices used are often inadequate or inaccurately applied, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help connect sentences and ideas more fluidly. Additionally, refining paragraph structure and ensuring that each section of the essay is clearly defined will contribute to a more organized response. Finally, proofreading for grammatical errors and clarity will improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, using terms like "proportion," "automobile sales," and "downward trend." However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "witnessed" and "rebounds," but these are not always accurate or appropriately used. The essay contains some errors in word choice (e.g., "the figure for Asian" should be "the figure for Asia") and spelling mistakes (e.g., "unxepectedly"). While these errors do not completely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the writing.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater accuracy. This includes ensuring correct word forms (e.g., using "Asia" instead of "Asian") and avoiding spelling errors. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varied expressions would help convey precise meanings more effectively. Practicing the use of collocations and ensuring that less common lexical items are used correctly would also contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at complexity, such as the use of phrases like "the proportion of North America witnessed a considerable decrease," the overall grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are errors in grammar and punctuation, such as "The bar charts indicates" (should be "indicate") and "the figure for Asian" (should be "Asia"). These errors do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Additionally, expanding the range of complex sentence structures and ensuring they are used accurately would enhance the essay’s quality. Practicing with more varied sentence forms and reducing grammatical mistakes will contribute to a stronger overall performance in this criterion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar charts indicate the proportion of automobile sales in four distinct regions over a four-year period starting in 2006.

From a preliminary observation, the percentage of car sales in Asia was the highest figure throughout the period, while the opposite was true for North America. Starting at 30%, the figure for Asia slightly increased to 50% of car sales across the four regions. In contrast, the proportion for North America experienced a considerable decrease to half of its total sales, reaching the lowest point in 2008 before rebounding back to approximately 12% in 2010.

Similarly, the figures for Europe and South America experienced a downward trend, beginning at approximately 30% and gradually decreasing until the end of the period. However, in 2009, the percentage of South America unexpectedly dropped to only one-third of its initial statistics.