The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

This chart shows us the percentage of women and men who passed their driving test in one Asian country between 1980 and 2010. The highest column on the women side is the "2000" column (approximately 70%) and the highest column on the men side are both "2000" and "2010" column (about 50%). Between 1980 and 2010, all of the columns on the women side are higher than the clumns on the men side.
In 1980, this year had the lowest percentage of both sides. On the men side, the percentage was only almost 28% but in the women side was about 48%. This number was as high as the highest column on the men side.
In 1990, the number was increased a little on the women side (from 48% to 51 or 52%). But it increased about 9% on the men side (from 28% to 37%). And it didn't stop in 1990. In 2000, it the percentage was still up and up. This year had the highest percentage on both side, it was approximately 70% on the women side and about 48% on men side.
But in the 2010 column, the percentage on the women side decreased a little bit, from 70% to 65%. And the column on the men side didn't change the number. It still like the number in "2000" column.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"This chart shows us" -> "This chart illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is more precise and formal than "shows us," aligning better with academic language by focusing on the presentation rather than the observer’s perspective.
"who passed their driving test" -> "who passed their driving tests"
Explanation: The verb "passed" should be plural to match the plural subject "women and men," ensuring grammatical accuracy.
"the highest column on the women side" -> "the highest column on the female side"
Explanation: "Female" is more specific and appropriate in an academic context than the vague and informal "women."
"the highest column on the men side" -> "the highest columns on the male side"
Explanation: Similar to the previous correction, "male" is more precise and formal than "men," and "columns" should be plural to match the plural subject.
"all of the columns on the women side are higher than the clumns on the men side" -> "all columns on the female side exceed those on the male side"
Explanation: "Exceed" is a more precise verb than "are higher than," and "those" is more appropriate than "the clumns" (correcting the typo to "columns").
"this year had the lowest percentage" -> "this year recorded the lowest percentage"
Explanation: "Recorded" is more formal and specific than "had," which is too vague and informal for academic writing.
"the number was increased a little" -> "the numbers increased slightly"
Explanation: "Numbers" should be plural to match the plural subject, and "increased slightly" is more formal and precise than "was increased a little."
"it the percentage was still up and up" -> "the percentages continued to rise"
Explanation: "Continued to rise" is more formal and avoids the awkward and informal construction "it the percentage was still up and up."
"it was approximately 70% on the women side and about 48% on men side" -> "it was approximately 70% on the female side and around 48% on the male side"
Explanation: "Around" is more formal than "about," and "male" should be "male" to maintain consistency in formality and grammatical agreement.
"the percentage on the women side decreased a little bit" -> "the percentage on the female side decreased slightly"
Explanation: "Slightly" is more formal than "a little bit," and "female" is preferred for consistency and formality.
"the column on the men side didn’t change the number" -> "the column on the male side retained the same figure"
Explanation: "Retained the same figure" is more precise and formal than "didn’t change the number," which is too informal and vague.

These corrections aim to enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the information in the chart, but it does not present a clear overview of the main trends. The essay also focuses on details rather than key features. For example, the essay states that "the highest column on the women side is the "2000" column (approximately 70%)" but does not mention that the percentage of women passing the driving test increased significantly between 1980 and 2000.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of women passing the driving test increased significantly between 1980 and 2000, while the percentage of men passing the driving test increased more gradually. The essay could also highlight the key features of the data, such as the fact that the percentage of women passing the driving test was consistently higher than the percentage of men passing the driving test.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, and there is a clear overall progression from one point to the next. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, but there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically, as some paragraphs could be better structured or combined for clarity.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas. Avoid mechanical repetition of phrases like "on the women side" and "on the men side."
Improve Paragraphing: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically progresses from one idea to the next. Consider combining shorter paragraphs that discuss related points.
Clarify Referencing: Use referencing more clearly and appropriately to avoid ambiguity. For example, instead of "this number," specify which number you are referring to.
Refine Sentence Structure: Work on sentence variety and complexity to avoid mechanical or choppy sentences. This will help in making the essay more engaging and easier to follow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey the main features of the data, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, particularly with phrases like "on the women side" and "on the men side." There are noticeable errors in spelling (e.g., "clumns" instead of "columns") and word formation (e.g., "it the percentage was still up and up"), which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the essay lacks the precision and flexibility expected at higher band scores, as it does not effectively utilize less common lexical items or demonstrate awareness of style and collocation.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to expand their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and sophisticated terms related to the topic. They should also focus on improving spelling and grammatical accuracy. Using synonyms and avoiding repetition can help convey ideas more clearly and effectively. Furthermore, practicing the use of less common vocabulary in context will demonstrate a greater awareness of style and collocation, which is essential for achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures and attempts to use complex sentences, but these attempts often result in inaccuracies. There are frequent grammatical errors, such as incorrect subject-verb agreement ("the highest column on the men side are both"), misuse of prepositions ("on the men side"), and punctuation issues. While the meaning is generally clear, these errors can cause some difficulty for the reader, which aligns with the characteristics of a Band 5 score.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly.
Grammar and Punctuation: Review and practice grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. Pay attention to punctuation to improve clarity.
Proofreading: After writing, take time to proofread the essay to catch and correct errors before submission. This can help reduce the frequency of mistakes and improve overall coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

The chart illustrates the percentage of women and men who passed their driving test in one Asian country between 1980 and 2010. The highest percentage for women occurred in 2000, reaching approximately 70%, while the highest percentages for men were observed in both 2000 and 2010, at about 50%. Throughout the period from 1980 to 2010, all percentages for women consistently surpassed those for men.

In 1980, both genders recorded their lowest percentages. For men, the percentage was nearly 28%, whereas for women, it was about 48%. This figure for women was comparable to the highest percentage recorded for men.

By 1990, the percentage for women saw a slight increase, rising from 48% to approximately 51% or 52%. In contrast, the percentage for men increased by about 9%, from 28% to 37%. This upward trend continued into 2000, which marked the peak for both genders. The percentage for women reached around 70%, while men achieved about 48%.

However, in 2010, the percentage for women decreased slightly to 65%. Meanwhile, the percentage for men remained unchanged, maintaining the same figure as in the 2000 column.