The chart shows the total distance travelled by passengers per week on five types of transportation in the Uk between 1990 and 2000.

The bar chart compares the total distance that one person traveled per week on five different means of transportation in the United Kingdom in two years 1990 and 2000.
Overall, the total distance in 2000 was higher than 1990, shown by an upward trend primarily driven by a rise in bus, rail and air travel. In addition, while air travel was not common in the first year of the given timetable, going by bicycle recorded the smallest number of distance in the end.
Although approximately 110 kilometers of total distance was registered in 2000, compared to about 100 kilometers in 1990, the use of bicycles and motorbikes experienced a decline during this period. While the figure for total distance in 2000 was 3-4 kilometers, it decreased nearly by half in these two transport modes 10 years later.
Buses and rails were popularly utilized throughout the period, exhibiting a moderate increase. Bus travel took the lead with 40 and over 40 kilometers in two surveyed years, followed by rail travel with 3 kilometers lower correspondingly each year. Holding the third position was air travel with 4 kilometers in total in 2000, which rose by more than a half compared to previous 10 years.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart compares" -> "The bar chart illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "compares" in this context, as it suggests a detailed representation of data rather than a simple comparison.
"one person traveled" -> "an individual traveled"
Explanation: "An individual" is more formal and precise than "one person," which is somewhat informal and vague in this academic context.
"in the United Kingdom in two years 1990 and 2000" -> "in the United Kingdom over the two-year period spanning 1990 and 2000"
Explanation: The revised phrase clarifies the time frame and enhances the formality by using "over the two-year period spanning," which is more precise and formal.
"shown by an upward trend primarily driven by" -> "characterized by an upward trend primarily driven by"
Explanation: "Characterized by" is more formal and academically appropriate than "shown by," which is somewhat vague and less precise in this context.
"going by bicycle recorded the smallest number of distance" -> "traveling by bicycle recorded the smallest distance"
Explanation: "Traveling by bicycle" is more grammatically correct and formal than "going by bicycle," and "distance" should be singular when referring to a single measure.
"approximately 110 kilometers of total distance was registered" -> "approximately 110 kilometers of total distance was recorded"
Explanation: "Recorded" is the correct verb in this context, replacing the less formal "registered."
"the use of bicycles and motorbikes experienced a decline" -> "the use of bicycles and motorbikes decreased"
Explanation: "Decreased" is a more direct and formal term than "experienced a decline," which is slightly more colloquial.
"Bus travel took the lead with 40 and over 40 kilometers" -> "Bus travel led with distances exceeding 40 kilometers"
Explanation: "Led with distances exceeding 40 kilometers" is more precise and avoids the awkward phrasing of "40 and over 40 kilometers."
"3 kilometers lower correspondingly each year" -> "3 kilometers less each year"
Explanation: "Less" is more direct and appropriate than "lower," which is typically used for vertical or spatial comparisons, not for numerical differences.
"Holding the third position was air travel" -> "Air travel occupied the third position"
Explanation: "Occupied the third position" is a more formal and precise way to describe the ranking of air travel.
"rose by more than a half" -> "increased by more than 50 percent"
Explanation: "Increased by more than 50 percent" is a more precise and formal expression than "rose by more than a half," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the data. The essay highlights the key features of the chart, such as the overall trend and the changes in the use of different modes of transportation. However, the essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the specific figures for the total distance traveled in 2000 and 1990.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing more on the key features of the chart and avoiding irrelevant details. The essay could also be made more concise and clear by using more precise language. For example, instead of saying "the total distance in 2000 was higher than 1990," the essay could say "the total distance traveled by passengers increased between 1990 and 2000."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the conclusion. However, while it uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences is somewhat mechanical or unclear. For example, phrases like "the use of bicycles and motorbikes experienced a decline" could be better connected to the preceding sentences for smoother transitions. Additionally, paragraphing is present but could be improved for clarity and logical flow, as some ideas feel somewhat jumbled together.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic that is well-developed. Additionally, refining the structure of the essay to ensure that each point builds logically on the previous one would help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, effectively conveying the main trends and comparisons in the data. However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary that are not always accurate, such as "recorded the smallest number of distance" which is awkwardly phrased and could be better expressed. Additionally, there are some errors in word choice and collocation, such as "the use of bicycles and motorbikes experienced a decline" which could be clearer. Spelling and word formation errors are present but do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding awkward phrasing and ensuring that less common lexical items are used correctly. Additionally, improving control over spelling and word formation will help to minimize errors. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. There are some grammatical errors and issues with punctuation, such as "the smallest number of distance" (should be "the smallest distance") and "the use of bicycles and motorbikes experienced a decline during this period" (which could be clearer). While these errors do not significantly impede communication, they do indicate that the writer has not fully mastered grammatical accuracy. The essay contains a variety of sentence structures, but the errors present suggest that the writer may struggle with more complex grammatical forms.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by proofreading for common errors and refining sentence structures. Practicing the use of more complex sentences while ensuring they are grammatically correct will also help. Additionally, improving punctuation usage and clarity in expression can further elevate the overall quality of the writing. Engaging in exercises that target specific grammatical challenges and seeking feedback on writing can also contribute to improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart compares the total distance that one person traveled per week using five different modes of transportation in the United Kingdom during the years 1990 and 2000. Overall, the total distance in 2000 was higher than in 1990, as indicated by an upward trend primarily driven by increases in bus, rail, and air travel. Additionally, while air travel was not common in the first year of the given period, cycling recorded the smallest distance traveled by the end of the decade.

In 2000, approximately 110 kilometers of total distance was registered, compared to about 100 kilometers in 1990. However, the use of bicycles and motorbikes experienced a decline during this period. The total distance for these two modes of transport in 2000 was around 3-4 kilometers, which represented a decrease of nearly half compared to the figures from 10 years earlier.

Buses and trains were widely utilized throughout the period, exhibiting a moderate increase in distance traveled. Bus travel led the way with over 40 kilometers in both surveyed years, followed by rail travel, which was about 3 kilometers lower in each year. Air travel held the third position, with a total distance of 4 kilometers in 2000, which rose by more than half compared to the previous decade.