The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of yemen and italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

The given pie charts illustrate information on the ages of the residents in two regions in 2000 compared to 2050.
Overall, it is noticeable that youth generation from 0 to 14 years anticipate to descend in two countries in 2050, in addition, compared to 2000, the elderly people who under 60 will be predicted to take up the charts more in 2050.
In 2000, people from 15 to 59 years and youth in Yemen indicated nearly equal percent, additionally, the elderly just higher than 3 percent. However, in italy, middle-age took up more than a half of the pie chart which nearly 60 proportions and the elderly ranked at the second with 24 percent.
In 2050, percentage of middle-age in Yemen will be predicted to the biggest part of the pie chart with more than 50 percent and the elderly will be show a trivial part which more than 5 percent. In contrast, compared to Yemen, the aging populations in Italy will take nearly a half of the chart which equal to people from 15 to 59 years old.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"anticipate to descend" -> "are expected to decrease"
Explanation: "Anticipate to descend" is awkward phrasing. "Are expected to decrease" is a more precise and formal way to express the decline in the youth generation.
"elderly people who under 60" -> "individuals aged 60 and above"
Explanation: "Elderly people who under 60" is grammatically incorrect. "Individuals aged 60 and above" is a clearer and more accurate description of the elderly population.
"will be predicted to take up the charts more" -> "are projected to constitute a larger proportion"
Explanation: "Will be predicted to take up the charts more" is vague and awkward. "Are projected to constitute a larger proportion" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the increase in the elderly population.
"percent" -> "percentage"
Explanation: "Percent" should be used as an adjective, while "percentage" is the correct noun form.
"nearly equal percent" -> "a similar percentage"
Explanation: "Nearly equal percent" is awkward phrasing. "A similar percentage" is a more concise and clear way to express the similarity in percentages.
"proportions" -> "proportion"
Explanation: "Proportions" should be singular to match the singular noun "chart."
"just higher than 3 percent" -> "slightly above 3 percent"
Explanation: "Just higher than 3 percent" is imprecise. "Slightly above 3 percent" provides a clearer description of the percentage.
"middle-age" -> "middle-aged"
Explanation: "Middle-age" should be hyphenated as an adjective form.
"took up more than a half" -> "accounted for over half"
Explanation: "Took up more than a half" is awkward phrasing. "Accounted for over half" is a more precise and formal way to describe the proportion.
"which nearly 60 proportions" -> "which was nearly 60 percent"
Explanation: "Which nearly 60 proportions" is grammatically incorrect. "Which was nearly 60 percent" provides a clearer description of the percentage.
"ranked at the second" -> "were the second highest"
Explanation: "Ranked at the second" is awkward phrasing. "Were the second highest" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the position of the elderly population.
"will be predicted to the biggest part" -> "are projected to comprise the largest segment"
Explanation: "Will be predicted to the biggest part" is awkward phrasing. "Are projected to comprise the largest segment" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the dominance of the middle-age population.
"show a trivial part" -> "constitute a small portion"
Explanation: "Show a trivial part" is unclear. "Constitute a small portion" provides a clearer description of the size of the elderly population.
"more than 5 percent" -> "over 5 percent"
Explanation: "More than 5 percent" can be simplified to "over 5 percent" for clarity and conciseness.
"aging populations" -> "aging population"
Explanation: "Aging populations" should be singular to match the singular noun "population."
"take nearly a half of the chart" -> "account for nearly half of the chart"
Explanation: "Take nearly a half of the chart" is awkward phrasing. "Account for nearly half of the chart" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the proportion of the aging population.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

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Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, providing an overview of the age populations in Yemen and Italy in 2000 and 2050. The key features, such as the changes in youth and elderly populations over time, are mentioned. However, the essay lacks clarity and coherence in some areas, with sentences that are awkwardly phrased and grammatically incorrect.
How to improve: Focus on improving sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity and coherence. Ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the overall understanding of the information being presented. Additionally, provide more specific data and avoid vague terms like "trivial" or "a half," which could be interpreted differently by readers. Use precise percentages to support the description of age populations in both countries. Finally, organize the essay in a more structured manner, with clear transitions between different points.]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, as it begins by summarizing the main trends observed in the charts. However, there is a lack of overall progression, as the transitions between the points are somewhat abrupt. While some cohesive devices are used (e.g., "overall," "in addition," "however"), they are not consistently applied, leading to a somewhat disjointed flow. The essay attempts to use paragraphing, but it lacks coherence within and between paragraphs.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should focus on providing a more structured progression of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth. Use a wider variety of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay to establish logical relationships between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing, ensuring that each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. Finally, strive for clearer referencing and substitution to avoid repetition and improve overall clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, which aligns with a Band 6 rating. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary phrases such as "anticipate to descend," "take up the charts," and "indicated nearly equal percent." These attempts show an effort to enrich the essay lexically. However, there are inaccuracies in word choice and phrasing that affect clarity, such as "youth generation from 0 to 14 years anticipate to descend" instead of a more precise and accurate expression like "the population aged 0 to 14 years is expected to decrease." Additionally, there are errors in word formation and collocation, such as "the elderly just higher than 3 percent" and "middle-age took up more than a half of the pie chart," which are awkward and incorrect formulations. These errors do not severely impede communication, but they do hinder the flow and preciseness of the information being conveyed.

How to improve:
To elevate the essay to a higher band, consider the following improvements:

Enhance Accuracy and Precision: Work on using vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning. For example, use "decrease" or "decline" instead of "descend" when discussing demographic changes.
Refine Word Choice and Collocation: Pay close attention to commonly paired words and phrases (collocations), and use them correctly to sound more natural. For instance, "constitute the largest proportion" instead of "take up the charts."
Expand Vocabulary Range: Incorporate a broader variety of lexical items to describe data more vividly and accurately, moving beyond basic descriptions to include terms specific to demographic analysis and statistical representation.
Review and Edit for Spelling and Grammatical Accuracy: Regularly check your work for common spelling mistakes and grammatical errors to ensure clarity and professionalism in presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("youth generation… anticipate," "the elderly people who under 60 will be predicted"), misuse of prepositions ("percent of middle-age in Yemen"), and awkward phrasing ("the elderly will be show a trivial part"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors that affect the clarity of the writing. While there is an attempt to incorporate complex sentences, they tend to be less accurate than simple sentences, as evidenced by the grammatical errors.

How to improve: Focus on improving sentence structure variety by incorporating more complex sentences with correct grammar. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct usage of prepositions. Proofread the essay carefully to correct punctuation errors and ensure clarity of expression. Additionally, aim for greater accuracy and precision in conveying ideas to enhance overall coherence and cohesion.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts illustrate the age distribution of residents in Yemen and Italy in the years 2000 and 2050.

Overall, it is evident that the proportion of youth aged 0-14 is expected to decrease in both countries by 2050, while the percentage of individuals aged 60 and above is projected to increase.

In 2000, Yemen had a relatively balanced distribution, with those aged 15-59 and youth each accounting for about half of the population, and the elderly comprising just over 3%. In contrast, Italy had a significantly higher percentage of middle-aged individuals, at nearly 60%, with the elderly accounting for 24% of the population.

By 2050, Yemen is expected to see a significant increase in the middle-aged population, which will comprise more than half of the population, while the elderly population is projected to represent a smaller proportion, at just over 5%. In Italy, however, the elderly population is expected to increase significantly, accounting for nearly half of the population, while the percentage of middle-aged individuals will decrease.