The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given pie chart depicts the venues of four distinct dance classes, while the bar chart illustrates three class types that are involved in by children and teenagers in Australia. Overall, it can be seen that private studios are the most common place that are chosen to attend. In addition, ballet is the most popular type for the children under the age of 11, whereas modern dance attracts people in 11-16 age blanket the most.

Regarding the place where these dance classes are occurred, it is worth pointing that the private studios is the largest proportion. In the surveyed time, the percentage of dance classes held in it makes up 48% of the total, while the figure for that in scholl halls is slightly lower, at precisely 24%. At the same time, community halls and other and college-based studios are chosen to open dance classes by 18% and only 10% of the entire proportion respectively.

Moving to the different types of dance classes that are taken part in by Australian children and teenagers. As for ballet classes, the number of children under 11 choosing it is recorded as the highest quantity, at exactly 600 people; however, the figure for young people from 11 to 16 years old attending to this type of class is the lowest, at nearly 300 people. The teenagers are likely to be attracted by modern dance classes more, with more than 500 individuals, which is 200 individuals higher than the number of children choosing the same sort of dance classes. The number of people in both age groups choosing tap as their dance classes are comparable, at marginally 400 and 450 individuals respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given pie chart" -> "The pie chart depicted"
Explanation: "Depicted" is more precise and formal than "given," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"venues of four distinct dance classes" -> "venues for four distinct dance classes"
Explanation: "Venues of" is grammatically incorrect; "venues for" is the correct prepositional phrase needed here.
"involved in by children and teenagers" -> "attended by children and teenagers"
Explanation: "Involved in by" is grammatically incorrect. "Attended by" is the correct phrase for describing participation in activities.
"are the most common place that are chosen to attend" -> "are the most common places chosen to attend"
Explanation: "Place" should be pluralized to "places" to agree with the plural "are," and the phrase should be simplified for clarity and grammatical correctness.
"ballet is the most popular type for the children under the age of 11" -> "ballet is the most popular type among children under 11"
Explanation: "Among" is more precise and formal than "for," and removing "the" before "children" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning.
"11-16 age blanket the most" -> "the age range of 11-16 is the most popular"
Explanation: "Age blanket" is incorrect and unclear; "the age range of 11-16 is the most popular" clarifies and corrects the statement.
"the private studios is the largest proportion" -> "private studios are the largest proportion"
Explanation: "Is" should be "are" to agree with the plural subject "private studios."
"the surveyed time" -> "the surveyed period"
Explanation: "Period" is more formal and appropriate in academic contexts than "time."
"scholl halls" -> "school halls"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error in "scholl."
"other and college-based studios" -> "other and college-based studios"
Explanation: The phrase should be corrected to maintain grammatical structure and clarity.
"choosing to open dance classes by" -> "choosing to host dance classes"
Explanation: "Host" is more precise and formal than "open," which is less specific in this context.
"taken part in by" -> "participate in"
Explanation: "Participate in" is a more direct and formal way to express involvement in activities.
"the number of children under 11 choosing it is recorded as the highest quantity" -> "the number of children under 11 choosing ballet is the highest"
Explanation: Simplifies and clarifies the sentence structure for better readability and formality.
"the figure for young people from 11 to 16 years old attending to this type of class is the lowest" -> "the lowest figure for young people aged 11-16 attending this type of class"
Explanation: "The lowest figure" is more concise and formal, and "aged 11-16" is more precise than "from 11 to 16 years old."
"The teenagers are likely to be attracted by modern dance classes more" -> "Teenagers are more likely to be attracted to modern dance classes"
Explanation: "More likely" is grammatically correct and more formal than "likely to be attracted by more."
"are comparable, at marginally 400 and 450 individuals respectively" -> "are comparable, with 400 and 450 individuals respectively"
Explanation: "With" is more appropriate than "at" in this context, and removing "marginally" improves the formality and clarity of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay provides an overview of the main features of the charts, but it does not present a clear overview of the main trends or differences. The essay also presents some key features/bullet points, but it does not adequately cover them. For example, the essay states that "the number of people in both age groups choosing tap as their dance classes are comparable, at marginally 400 and 450 individuals respectively," but it does not compare the number of people choosing tap to the number of people choosing ballet or modern dance.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends and differences in the data. The essay could also be improved by providing more detailed comparisons between the different types of dance classes. For example, the essay could compare the number of people choosing ballet to the number of people choosing modern dance, and it could compare the number of people choosing tap to the number of people choosing ballet or modern dance. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the data. For example, instead of saying "the number of people in both age groups choosing tap as their dance classes are comparable," the essay could say "the number of people choosing tap is slightly higher for the 11-16 age group than for the under 11 age group."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, demonstrating a clear overall progression. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices, but there are instances where cohesion is faulty or mechanical, particularly in the transitions between sentences and ideas. The paragraphing is present but could be improved for logical flow, as some paragraphs feel slightly disjointed. Overall, the central topics within each paragraph are clear, but the connections between them could be more fluid.

How to improve: To enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Additionally, refining the paragraph structure to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates back to the overall topic will strengthen the essay. Finally, reducing redundancy in language and ensuring accurate referencing will help to avoid confusion and improve clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the venues of four distinct dance classes" and "the percentage of dance classes held in it makes up 48%." Additionally, errors in spelling and word formation, such as "occurred" instead of "occurring" and "scholl" instead of "school," are present but do not significantly impede communication. Overall, while the vocabulary is sufficient to convey the main ideas, it lacks the precision and flexibility required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise word choices. Practicing the use of synonyms and collocations can enhance fluency and flexibility. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and word formation errors will help to avoid inaccuracies that detract from the overall quality of the essay. Engaging with a variety of texts can also aid in acquiring a more sophisticated vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective complex structures, the essay also contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. The overall communication is maintained, but the errors in grammar and punctuation are noticeable. For example, phrases like "the private studios is the largest proportion" and "the percentage of dance classes held in it makes up 48% of the total" contain grammatical inaccuracies that detract from the overall quality.

How to improve:

Grammar and Sentence Structure: Focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that sentences are grammatically correct. For instance, "the private studios is" should be corrected to "the private studios are."
Variety in Sentence Forms: While the essay uses a mix of sentence forms, incorporating more varied complex structures can enhance the grammatical range. Practice using relative clauses and conditional sentences.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation, particularly in complex sentences, to improve clarity. For example, ensure commas are used correctly to separate clauses.
Clarity and Precision: Aim for clearer phrasing. Instead of "the teenagers are likely to be attracted by modern dance classes more," consider rephrasing to "modern dance classes are more popular among teenagers." This enhances readability and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given pie chart depicts the venues of four distinct dance classes, while the bar chart illustrates three types of classes attended by children and teenagers in Australia. Overall, it can be seen that private studios are the most common places chosen for attendance. In addition, ballet is the most popular type for children under the age of 11, whereas modern dance attracts the most participants in the 11-16 age group.

Regarding the venues where these dance classes are held, it is worth noting that private studios account for the largest proportion. During the surveyed period, the percentage of dance classes held in private studios makes up 48% of the total, while the figure for those held in school halls is slightly lower, at precisely 24%. At the same time, community halls and college-based studios account for 18% and only 10% of the total proportion, respectively.

Turning to the different types of dance classes attended by Australian children and teenagers, ballet classes have the highest number of participants under 11, recorded at exactly 600 individuals; however, the figure for young people aged 11 to 16 attending this type of class is the lowest, at nearly 300 individuals. Teenagers are more likely to be attracted to modern dance classes, with more than 500 participants, which is 200 individuals higher than the number of children choosing the same type of dance class. The number of individuals in both age groups opting for tap dance classes is comparable, at approximately 400 and 450 individuals, respectively.