THE CHARTS BELOW SHOW FRESH FRUIT EXPORTS IN 2010.

The charts illustrate the exports of citrus fruits from several countries in the year 2010.

Overall, oranges stood out as the fruit was exported the most in terms of weight, followed by lemon and grapefruits, in that order.

Starting with oranges export, the exports of citrus fruits from South Africa were the highest, at 1000000 MT, which was higher than that of Egypt and the US, at 900000 and 700000 MT. In terms of lemon export, Turkey emerged as the major exporter of this goods, with 500000 MT. The figure for Mexico was 45000 MT whereas the number of lemons exported from Argentina made up half of Turkey’s.

Turning to grapefruit export, South Africa and the US had equal exports in grapefruit production, at 225000 MT, each, compared to Turkey, with nearly 160000 MT. The figures for the US and Israel were negligible, the figure for Mexico stood at 450000 MT.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"exports of citrus fruits" -> "citrus fruit exports"
Explanation: "Citrus fruit exports" is a more concise and grammatically correct phrase that maintains clarity while eliminating unnecessary words.
"the exports of citrus fruits from South Africa were the highest" -> "South Africa had the highest citrus fruit exports"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence enhances clarity and readability by placing the subject ("South Africa") at the beginning and using the active voice.
"major exporter of this goods" -> "major exporter of this commodity"
Explanation: "Commodity" is a more precise and formal term compared to "goods" in this context.
"figure for Mexico was 45000 MT" -> "Mexico’s export figure was 450,000 MT"
Explanation: Correcting the numerical value and including the possessive form ("Mexico’s") improves clarity and consistency in the sentence.
"the number of lemons exported from Argentina made up half of Turkey’s" -> "Argentina exported half the number of lemons as Turkey"
Explanation: This revision simplifies the sentence structure and improves clarity by avoiding passive voice and using a more direct comparison.
"grapefruit export" -> "grapefruit exports"
Explanation: Pluralizing "export" maintains consistency with the plural subject ("grapefruit").
"had equal exports in grapefruit production" -> "had equal exports of grapefruit"
Explanation: Clarifies that the equality refers specifically to grapefruit exports rather than overall production.
"the figures for the US and Israel were negligible" -> "the figures for the US and Israel were insignificant"
Explanation: "Insignificant" provides a stronger and more precise description of the figures being discussed.
"the figure for Mexico stood at 450000 MT" -> "Mexico’s export figure stood at 450,000 MT"
Explanation: Adding the possessive form ("Mexico’s") maintains consistency in sentence structure and clarity in reference.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of fresh fruit exports in 2010. It covers oranges, lemons, and grapefruits, presenting key figures for each. The overview is clear, and key features are highlighted, such as the highest exporters for each fruit.
How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more detailed comparisons and analysis, such as discussing trends or significant differences between countries. Additionally, ensuring accuracy and clarity in the presentation of data would enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information about fresh fruit exports in 2010, focusing on citrus fruits. It begins with a clear overview statement summarizing the main trends. Each paragraph discusses the exports of oranges, lemons, and grapefruits respectively. The information is logically organized and there is overall progression in the essay. Cohesive devices are used effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences, aiding in the flow of the essay. However, there are some instances where cohesion within sentences could be improved for smoother transitions. Paragraphing is mostly logical, with each paragraph focusing on a specific fruit export. However, there is a slight issue with the paragraph discussing grapefruit exports as it starts discussing South Africa’s exports but then switches to the US without a clear transition.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitions between sentences within paragraphs are seamless, providing a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, maintain consistency within paragraphs, avoiding sudden shifts in focus without clear transitions. Make sure to use cohesive devices consistently and appropriately throughout the essay to strengthen the connection between ideas. Finally, review and refine paragraph structure to ensure each paragraph maintains a clear focus and logical progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with terms such as "exports," "citrus fruits," "emerged," "major exporter," and "negligible." There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary with phrases like "stood out," "made up," and "turning to." However, there are some inaccuracies and inconsistencies in word choice and collocation. For example, "goods" is not the most appropriate term to refer to citrus fruits, and "production" is not accurately used in the context of exports. Additionally, there are errors in word formation and spelling, such as "countries" instead of "country’s" and "figures" instead of "figure’s."

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource, the writer should aim for more precision in word choice and collocation. They should avoid using terms like "goods" when referring to specific items such as fruits. Additionally, paying attention to word formation and spelling accuracy will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Expanding vocabulary to include more varied and sophisticated lexical features would also elevate the essay’s quality and better meet the requirements of a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, with frequent error-free sentences. It effectively utilizes a variety of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and descriptive phrases, to convey information about fruit exports. There are minor errors present, but they do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, ensure consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay. Additionally, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and noun-verb agreement to minimize errors. Consider varying sentence structures even more to showcase a wider range of grammatical structures and improve overall fluency.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided charts depict the export volumes of citrus fruits from various countries during the year 2010.

In general, oranges emerged as the most exported fruit by weight, followed by lemons and grapefruits, in that order.

Beginning with orange exports, South Africa led with the highest export volume at 1,000,000 metric tons (MT), surpassing both Egypt and the US, which stood at 900,000 MT and 700,000 MT, respectively. In terms of lemon exports, Turkey dominated with 500,000 MT, while Mexico followed with 450,000 MT, and Argentina’s export volume equaled half of Turkey’s.

Regarding grapefruit exports, both South Africa and the US shared an equal export volume of 225,000 MT each, with Turkey trailing at nearly 160,000 MT. The export figures for the US and Israel were minimal, while Mexico’s export volume reached 450,000 MT.

Overall, the data presents a comprehensive overview of citrus fruit exports from various nations in 2010.