The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time doing housework and households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time doing housework and households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

A glance at the given diagram depicts the process of producing sugar from sugar cane. Overall, it is patently obvious that there are 7 prominent stages in this process, intiating with growing sugar canes, and culminating in drying and cooling sugar.
At the first stage of the process, farmers nourish sugar canes until they reach the correct size at 12 to 18 months. The next step begins when sugar canes are havested by two ways. First, it can be cut manually by sickle, while another faster ways is that farmers may haverst them mechanically by reaper. Stalks of sugar canes are then put into the crusher after harvesting in order to convert into juice. Subsequently, there is a process of removing impurities by using limestone filter to refine juice. Next, people put them into evaporator to thicken juice until it becomes syrup. Centrifuge spinining with high speed helps separate sugar crystals from syrup before drying and cooling . Finally, sugar is packaged and delivered to retail outlets.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A glance at the given diagram" -> "Examination of the provided diagram"
Explanation: "Examination of the provided diagram" is more formal and precise, fitting better in an academic context than "A glance at the given diagram," which is somewhat casual and vague.
"it is patently obvious" -> "it is evident"
Explanation: "It is evident" is a more academically appropriate phrase than "it is patently obvious," which can sound overly emphatic and informal.
"intiating" -> "initiating"
Explanation: "Initiating" is the correct spelling of the verb, correcting a typographical error.
"culminating in drying and cooling sugar" -> "concluding with the drying and cooling of sugar"
Explanation: "Concluding with the drying and cooling of sugar" is more formal and precise, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"farmers nourish sugar canes" -> "farmers cultivate sugar canes"
Explanation: "Cultivate" is more accurate and specific in this context, as it refers to the process of growing and maintaining crops, whereas "nourish" is more general and less commonly used in this context.
"until they reach the correct size at 12 to 18 months" -> "until they reach the optimal size within 12 to 18 months"
Explanation: "Optimal size" is more precise than "correct size," and specifying "within" clarifies the time frame.
"havested" -> "harvested"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error.
"faster ways is that farmers may haverst them mechanically" -> "faster method involves harvesting them mechanically"
Explanation: "Method" is more precise than "ways," and "involves" is grammatically correct compared to "is that farmers may haverst," which is awkward and incorrect.
"sickle" -> "sickle or reaper"
Explanation: Adding "or" clarifies that there are two methods, and "reaper" should be used as a noun, not as an adjective modifying "faster."
"put into the crusher" -> "fed into the crusher"
Explanation: "Fed" is the correct verb for the action of providing material to a machine, making it more specific and formal.
"using limestone filter" -> "using a limestone filter"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "limestone filter" corrects the grammatical structure, making it a noun phrase.
"put them into evaporator" -> "feed them into the evaporator"
Explanation: "Feed" is the correct verb for the action of providing material to a machine, and "the" is added for grammatical correctness.
"spinining" -> "spinning"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error.
"helps separate sugar crystals from syrup" -> "assists in separating sugar crystals from syrup"
Explanation: "Assists in separating" is more formal and precise than "helps," aligning better with academic style.
"drying and cooling" -> "drying and cooling"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "drying and cooling" is grammatically necessary to specify the process.
"sugar is packaged and delivered to retail outlets" -> "the sugar is packaged and delivered to retail outlets"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "sugar" clarifies the subject of the sentence and maintains grammatical correctness.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 0

Band Score: 0

Explanation: The essay does not address the task. The essay describes a process diagram, not the charts provided in the prompt.

How to improve: The essay needs to be rewritten to address the task. The essay should summarise the information in the charts, selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant. The essay should also be written in at least 150 words.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay presents information about the process of producing sugar from sugar cane, but the organization of ideas is not coherent. There is no clear progression in the response, as the stages of the process are not presented in a logical order. The use of cohesive is basic and repetitive, with some inaccuracies. The essay lacks clear paragraphing, making it difficult to follow the flow of information.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should clearly outline the stages of the process in a logical sequence. Use a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and ensure accuracy in their usage. Additionally, structuring the essay into paragraphs with clear topic sentences for each stage of the process will enhance the overall organization of the response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay uses basic vocabulary and lacks variety in lexical resources. There are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "intiating" instead of "initiating" and "havested" instead of "harvested". The essay also lacks sophistication in vocabulary and does not demonstrate a wide range of lexical features.
How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary, including more precise and sophisticated words. They should also pay attention to word choice and collocation to avoid inaccuracies. Additionally, incorporating more complex and varied vocabulary will help elevate the essay’s overall lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates the use of a limited range of structures with some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay lacks coherence as it discusses the process of producing from sugar cane instead of addressing the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and time spent doing housework as per the given prompt. There are errors in subjectverb agreement, word choice, and sentence structure throughout the essay.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on addressing the given prompt accurately. Use a wider range of sentence structures and ensure proper subject-verb agreement. Pay attention to punctuation and word choice to enhance the clarity and coherence of the essay. Practice writing essays on various topics to improve overall grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given diagram illustrates the process of sugar production from sugar cane. It is evident that there are 7 distinct stages involved in this process, starting from the cultivation of sugar canes and ending with the drying and cooling of sugar.

Initially, farmers nurture sugar canes until they reach the appropriate size within 12 to 18 months. The subsequent involves harvesting sugar canes through manual cutting with a sickle or mechanical harvesting with a reaper. The harvested sugar cane stalks are then crushed to extract juice. Following this, impurities are removed from the juice using a limestone filter for refinement.

The next stage involves thickening the juice into syrup by evaporating it. High-speed centrifuge spinning is utilized to separate sugar crystals from the syrup before the final steps of drying and cooling. Ultimately, the processed sugar is packaged and distributed to retail outlets.

Overall, the process of sugar production from sugar cane involves a series of carefully orchestrated steps to ensure the quality and purity of the final product.