The charts below show the information about the percentage of people surveyed about two questions in a European country in 2009.

The bar charts illustrate how many people answered two questions in a particular country in 2009.
Overall, people often changed a new car in more than five years accounted for the biggest proportion in question 1. Besides, second-hand cat was the most popular options when people were asked whether buying a new car or used one?
In terms of the first question, five years or more emerged as the most preferred choice compared to other options, accounting for 52%. Far below was five years, reaching 37%, which was 7 times higher than 3 years. Meanwhile, the figures for 2 years, over 10 years and never was 3%, 2%, 1% respectively.
Regarding the second question, there was an inclination in buying second-hand car, totaling 67%, which was double than the figure for buying a new one. This was followed by new or second-hand and never buy options, which their figures ranged from 3% to 6% in 2009.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"people often changed a new car" -> "people frequently purchased a new car"
Explanation: "Changed a new car" is awkward and unclear. "Purchased a new car" is more precise and appropriate for formal writing, emphasizing the act of buying rather than a vague change.
"in more than five years accounted for the biggest proportion" -> "in more than five years accounted for the largest proportion"
Explanation: "Biggest" is less formal than "largest," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"second-hand cat" -> "second-hand car"
Explanation: "Cat" is a typographical error. The correct term is "car."
"the most popular options" -> "the most preferred options"
Explanation: "Popular" can imply a broader range of preferences, whereas "preferred" specifically indicates a choice made based on personal taste or need.
"when people were asked whether buying a new car or used one?" -> "when respondents were asked whether to purchase a new or used car"
Explanation: "Buying a new car or used one?" is informal and lacks clarity. "Purchase a new or used car" is more formal and precise.
"five years or more emerged as the most preferred choice" -> "five years or more emerged as the most preferred option"
Explanation: "Choice" can be vague; "option" is more specific and appropriate in this context.
"Far below was five years, reaching 37%" -> "Substantially fewer, at 37%"
Explanation: "Far below" is informal and imprecise. "Substantially fewer" provides a more formal and quantifiable comparison.
"the figures for 2 years, over 10 years and never was 3%, 2%, 1% respectively" -> "the percentages for 2 years, over 10 years, and never were 3%, 2%, and 1% respectively"
Explanation: "Was" is incorrect for plural subjects. "Were" is the correct verb form. Also, using "percentages" instead of "figures" is more precise in this context.
"there was an inclination in buying second-hand car" -> "there was a tendency towards buying second-hand cars"
Explanation: "Inclination in buying" is awkward and unclear. "Tendency towards buying" is more natural and precise.
"which was double than the figure for buying a new one" -> "which was double that of buying a new one"
Explanation: "Double than" is grammatically incorrect. "Double that of" corrects this and maintains the formal tone.
"This was followed by new or second-hand and never buy options" -> "This was followed by the options to buy new or second-hand cars and never"
Explanation: "New or second-hand and never buy options" is awkward and unclear. "The options to buy new or second-hand cars and never" clarifies and formalizes the sentence structure.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main trends in the data. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the figure for buying a second-hand car was double the figure for buying a new one, but the actual figures are 67% and 34%, which is not exactly double.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. For example, instead of saying that the figure for buying a second-hand car was double the figure for buying a new one, the essay could say that the figure for buying a second-hand car was more than twice the figure for buying a new one. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific comparisons between the two charts. For example, the essay could compare the percentage of people who change their car every five years or more with the percentage of people who buy a second-hand car.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to address both questions from the charts, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which detracts from the clarity of the information presented. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent; while there are attempts to separate ideas, the structure does not always follow a logical flow.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly linking ideas and ensuring that each paragraph has a distinct central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively and avoiding repetition will improve clarity. Additionally, ensuring that paragraphing is logical and supports the progression of ideas will help the reader follow the argument more easily.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the general meaning, there are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling (e.g., "cat" instead of "car," "inclination in buying" instead of "inclination towards buying"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader. The use of phrases like "the biggest proportion" and "most popular options" shows some attempt to use varied vocabulary, but the overall lexical resource is basic and repetitive, lacking sophistication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items, and ensure accurate word choice. Additionally, focusing on spelling and grammatical accuracy will help improve clarity. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated lexical range.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentences with some attempts at complex forms. While there are some accurate sentences, frequent grammatical errors are present, such as "changed a new car" (which should be "changed cars") and "second-hand cat" (which should be "second-hand car"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the intended meaning. Additionally, punctuation issues, such as the incorrect use of a question mark in the second sentence, further detract from the overall clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of sentence structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring grammatical accuracy. Proofreading for common errors and improving punctuation usage would also enhance clarity. Practicing the use of varied vocabulary and sentence forms will help in producing a more sophisticated and error-free essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar charts illustrate how many people responded to two questions in a particular European country in 2009. Overall, the largest proportion of respondents to the first question indicated that they often changed to a new car after more than five years. Additionally, second-hand cars were the most popular option when people were asked whether they preferred buying a new or a used car.

In terms of the first question, the choice of five years or more emerged as the most preferred option, accounting for 52%. This was significantly higher than the 37% who opted for five years, which was seven times greater than the 3% who chose three years. Meanwhile, the figures for two years, over ten years, and never were 3%, 2%, and 1%, respectively.

Regarding the second question, there was a clear preference for buying second-hand cars, totaling 67%, which was double the figure for purchasing a new one. This was followed by the options of buying new or second-hand cars and never buying, with their figures ranging from 3% to 6% in 2009.