The charts below show the percentage of secondary school students at a school in the UK taking different subjects in 1995 and this year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts illustrate the changes in the choice of various subjects by secondary school students in England between 1995 and the present day.

Overall, a noticeable change can be seen in the introduction of Information Technology, taking the place of Religious Studies and Drama. Interestingly, the proportions of students taking other subjects have remained relatively stable, with only minor increases or decreases.

According to the data given, in 1995, 21% of students chose Geography and slowly increased to 23% nowaday. Conversely, the proportion of students studying Art and History account for 15% and 26% respectively, but the figure of Art reduced by nearly half and History showed a minor decline by about 1% until now.

Business studies, however, remained stable, with a consistent enrollment rate of around 16% throughout the period. While there were 9% and 12% of students opted for Religious Studies and Drama in 1995, these subjects have been replaced by Information Technology. With over a quarter of students studying, IT witnessed the leading subject that has the most proportion of students taking until now.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"nowaday" -> "currently"
Explanation: "Nowaday" is not a standard term in English and is likely a typographical error. "Currently" is the correct and formal alternative, suitable for academic writing.
"the proportions of students taking other subjects have remained relatively stable" -> "the proportions of students enrolled in other subjects have remained relatively stable"
Explanation: "Taking" is somewhat informal and vague; "enrolled" is more precise and appropriate in an academic context, emphasizing the students’ formal participation in subjects.
"slowly increased to 23%" -> "increased to 23%"
Explanation: "Slowly" is redundant when describing a numerical change; "increased" alone is sufficient and maintains the formal tone.
"the proportion of students studying Art and History account for" -> "the proportion of students studying Art and History accounts for"
Explanation: "Account for" should be in the singular form "accounts for" when referring to a single proportion.
"the figure of Art reduced by nearly half" -> "the proportion of students studying Art decreased by nearly half"
Explanation: "The figure of Art" is awkward and unclear; "the proportion of students studying Art" is more precise and contextually appropriate.
"History showed a minor decline by about 1%" -> "History experienced a minor decline of about 1%"
Explanation: "Showed" is less formal and less precise than "experienced," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"opted for" -> "chose"
Explanation: "Opted for" is slightly informal and less common in academic texts; "chose" is straightforward and maintains the formal tone.
"With over a quarter of students studying, IT witnessed the leading subject" -> "With over a quarter of students studying IT, it has emerged as the leading subject"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and unclear. The revised version clarifies the relationship between the proportion of students and the emergence of IT as the leading subject.
"the most proportion of students taking" -> "the largest proportion of students"
Explanation: "The most proportion of students taking" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "The largest proportion of students" corrects this and is grammatically sound.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, including the introduction of Information Technology and the relative stability of other subjects. It also makes some comparisons, such as the increase in Geography and the decrease in Art. However, the essay does not fully extend all of the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the statement that "the figure of Art reduced by nearly half" is not accurate, as the percentage decreased from 15% to 8%.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed and accurate information about the changes in each subject. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of students taking Geography increased by 2%, while the percentage of students taking History decreased by 1%. The essay could also be improved by providing a more concise and focused overview of the main features of the data. For example, the essay could begin by stating that the most significant change in subject choice was the introduction of Information Technology, which replaced Religious Studies and Drama. The essay could then go on to discuss the other changes in subject choice, such as the increase in Geography and the decrease in Art.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information by summarizing the main features of the charts and making relevant comparisons between the data from 1995 and the present day. The progression of ideas is clear, with a structured introduction and conclusion. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, with transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic related to the subject of secondary school students.

How to improve: To coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to further enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that paragraphing is consistent and logical throughout the essay to maintain a clear structure. Avoid any potential under- or over-use of cohesive devices to maintain a balanced and seamless presentation of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. The writer uses less common lexical items such as "enrollment rate" and "opted for" with some awareness of style and collocation. There are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, such as "nowaday" instead of "nowadays" and "the most proportion" instead of "the highest proportion." Overall, the vocabulary used allows for some flexibility and precision in conveying the information.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using more varied and sophisticated vocabulary throughout the essay. Paying attention to word choice and word formation errors will help enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay. Additionally, incorporating more complex and uncommon lexical items will further demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary and improve the overall band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with a variety of structures used to convey the information. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, but they do not significantly hinder communication. The essay effectively summarizes the information presented in the charts and makes relevant comparisons between the data from 1995 and the present day.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider range of complex structures and pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation errors. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help in identifying and correcting these errors. Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence structures can enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided pie charts depict the alterations in subject preferences among secondary school students in England from 1995 to the present day.

Overall, a significant shift is evident with the emergence of Information Technology, displacing Religious Studies and Drama. Notably, the percentages of students opting for other subjects have remained relatively constant, with only slight fluctuations.

In 1995, 21% of students selected Geography, a figure that has marginally increased to 23% in the current year. Conversely, Art saw a notable decrease by almost half, dropping from 15% to 8%, while History experienced a minor decline of approximately 1%, decreasing from 26% to 25%.

Business Studies maintained a steady enrollment rate of around 16% throughout the period. In contrast, Religious Studies and Drama, which had 9% and 12% of students respectively in 1995, have been supplanted by Information Technology. IT now boasts the highest proportion of students, with over a quarter of the student body opting for this subject.