The charts below show the proportions of British students at one university in England who were able to speak other languages in addition to English, in 2000 and 2010

1. The pie charts give information about the percentages of British students at a particular England university that have a faculty of speaking other languages other than English in the years 2000 and 2010
2. Overall, it is noticeable that British students studying at one university in England were interested in learning Spanish the most in the two years mentioned, while the figure for German remained the same.
3. In 2000, just under a third of students chose Spanish as their second language, which was also the largest proportion in that year. The figure kept increasing to 35% ten years later, making it the most targeted language. Other than Spanish, French, and German, students also had another language option that accounted for 15% of a total pie in 2000, and it increased its share to 20% for the next ten years, replaced the proportion of people only spoke their native language as the second highest.
4. Turning to the remaining categories, although the rate of students who refused to learn additional language (20%) only ranked after Spanish’s figure, and 15% people decided to learn French in 2000, these two groups decreased to a tenth of the total in 2010 for each. They were the smallest share in the pie in 2010, along with German, which still attracted the same number of students in both years. However, it can be seen that students also tended to equip themselves with two other languages, from 10% in 2000 to 15% in 2010.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"give information about" -> "provide information on"
Explanation: "Provide information on" is a more formal and precise phrase suitable for academic writing, enhancing the clarity and formality of the introduction.
"have a faculty of speaking other languages other than English" -> "possess proficiency in languages other than English"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. "Possess proficiency in languages other than English" is more precise and academically appropriate, clearly conveying the level of language skills discussed.
"were interested in learning" -> "chose to study"
Explanation: "Were interested in learning" is somewhat informal and vague. "Chose to study" is more direct and specific, indicating a deliberate decision, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"the most targeted language" -> "the most popular language"
Explanation: "Targeted language" is an unclear and potentially misused term. "Popular language" is the correct term, indicating the language with the highest interest or preference among students.
"Other than Spanish, French, and German, students also had another language option" -> "In addition to Spanish, French, and German, students also chose another language"
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and awkwardly structured. The revised version clarifies that students chose another language beyond the three mentioned, improving readability and precision.
"only spoke their native language" -> "only spoke their native language as a second language"
Explanation: The original phrase is incomplete and unclear. Adding "as a second language" clarifies that the context refers to students who chose their native language as their second language, enhancing the accuracy of the statement.
"refused to learn additional language" -> "declined to learn an additional language"
Explanation: "Refused" implies a more negative connotation than "declined," which is neutral and more appropriate for an academic context. Also, "an additional language" is grammatically correct compared to "additional language," which is less idiomatic.
"15% people decided to learn French" -> "15% of students chose to learn French"
Explanation: "People" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Students" is the correct subject, and "chose" is a more precise verb than "decided," which is less formal.
"only ranked after Spanish’s figure" -> "ranked second to Spanish"
Explanation: "Only ranked after" is awkward and unclear. "Ranked second to Spanish" is more direct and clear, indicating the position in the ranking.
"the smallest share in the pie" -> "the smallest proportion"
Explanation: "The smallest share in the pie" is an idiomatic expression that may be considered informal. "The smallest proportion" is a more formal and precise term, suitable for academic writing.
"tended to equip themselves with" -> "were inclined to learn"
Explanation: "Tended to equip themselves with" is verbose and less direct. "Were inclined to learn" is simpler and more direct, enhancing the clarity and formality of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, including the most popular language, the increase in Spanish speakers, and the decrease in French and German speakers. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "students also tended to equip themselves with two other languages, from 10% in 2000 to 15% in 2010," but this is not a key feature of the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the key features of the data and providing more accurate and relevant details. For example, the essay could state that the proportion of students who spoke Spanish increased from 30% in 2000 to 35% in 2010, while the proportion of students who spoke French decreased from 15% to 10%. The essay could also provide more specific details about the changes in the other language categories.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates coherence and cohesion at a Band 6 level. It arranges information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices, but there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved. The use of paragraphing is mostly logical, although there are a few areas where it could be clearer.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion to a higher band, consider the following:

Ensure that the progression of ideas is smoother between sentences and paragraphs.
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay.
Pay attention to the clarity of references and substitutions.
Review paragraphing to ensure it consistently supports the organization and flow of ideas.

This feedback aims to help refine the coherence and cohesion of your essay for a more structured and cohesive presentation of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the necessary topics and concepts related to language learning trends among British students. The vocabulary used is generally clear and appropriate, though there are instances where word choice and collocation could be improved for better precision. Some less common lexical items are attempted, but there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation throughout the essay. Additionally, there are errors in word formation and spelling, although these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:

Enhance lexical variety: Include more varied and precise vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively.
Improve accuracy: Pay closer attention to word choice and collocation to reduce errors.
Work on spelling and word formation: Review spelling and word formation rules to minimize errors that can distract the reader.

Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the topic and provides sufficient detail, focusing on vocabulary range, accuracy, and error reduction in spelling and word formation will help elevate the lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is an attempt to use a variety of structures, though some errors in grammar and punctuation are noticeable. The essay generally maintains coherence and clarity, but occasional errors could affect communication.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy score:

Work on using a wider variety of sentence structures to increase complexity and fluency.
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation errors, especially with subject-verb agreement and sentence structure.
Aim for greater accuracy in complex sentences to minimize errors that might affect clarity and coherence.

This score reflects a solid foundation with areas for improvement in grammatical range, accuracy, and complexity of structures used.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here is an improved version of the IELTS Task 1 report:

The pie charts illustrate the proportions of British students at a university in England who were proficient in languages other than English in 2000 and 2010.

Overall, Spanish emerged as the most favored language among British students at the university during both years, while the preference for German remained unchanged.

In 2000, nearly a third of students opted to learn Spanish, representing the largest group. This proportion increased to 35% by 2010, consolidating its position as the most popular choice. Additionally, another language category, initially comprising 15% of the student body in 2000, saw a rise to 20% by 2010, displacing the group who only spoke their native language to become the second largest segment.

Conversely, the proportion of students unwilling to learn an additional language stood at 20% in 2000, placing second after Spanish, but diminished to 10% by 2010. Similarly, those selecting French also declined from 15% to 10% over the decade, alongside German, which maintained a consistent percentage throughout both years. Notably, the proportion of students acquiring proficiency in two additional languages increased from 10% in 2000 to 15% in 2010.

This revision aims to enhance clarity and coherence while preserving the original data and structure as closely as possible, suitable for an IELTS Task 1 response.