The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given charts illustrates the situation of the UK graduate and postgraduate students when they did not have a full-time job after graduating from university in 2008.
Overall, further study was the top choice for these students whereas voluntary work was the least popular.
In 2008, there were 29,655 graduate students chose further study after leaving university – the largest number of all work. Next was part-time work with 17,735 students. The number of unemployed students was almost equal to students who had part-time job, accounting for 16,235 students. Finally, the job that there was a few people did is volunteering because only 3,500 people chose it.
Postgraduate students in the UK also mainly continued their studies and this number was 2,725 people. The number of people who did part-time works was about 200 fewer than the number of students who chose futher study. Besides, there were still 1,625 students who did not have any jobs, which was about 5 times more than the number of volunteers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "illustrates the situation of" -> "depicts the status of"
   Explanation: "Illustrates the situation of" is grammatically correct but lacks precision. "Depicts the status of" offers a more specific and formal expression, enhancing the clarity of the statement.

2. "whereas voluntary work was the least popular" -> "while voluntary work ranked lowest"
   Explanation: "Least popular" is informal and lacks precision. "Ranked lowest" maintains clarity while providing a more formal and accurate description of the data.

3. "chose further study" -> "opted for further education"
   Explanation: "Chose further study" is acceptable but lacks variety. "Opted for further education" offers a more sophisticated and varied expression while conveying the same meaning.

4. "the job that there was a few people did is volunteering" -> "volunteering was the least chosen option"
   Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured. "The job that there was a few people did" is grammatically incorrect. "Volunteering was the least chosen option" provides a clearer and more concise description of the data.

5. "continued their studies" -> "pursued advanced education"
   Explanation: "Continued their studies" is common but lacks variety. "Pursued advanced education" offers a more formal and elaborate alternative, enhancing the sophistication of the text.

6. "number of people who did part-time works" -> "quantity of individuals engaged in part-time employment"
   Explanation: "Did part-time works" is colloquial and imprecise. "Quantity of individuals engaged in part-time employment" is more formal and precise, contributing to the academic tone of the essay.

7. "who did not have any jobs" -> "who were unemployed"
   Explanation: "Did not have any jobs" is informal. "Who were unemployed" is a more formal and precise alternative, suitable for academic writing.

8. "5 times more than the number of volunteers" -> "five times greater than the number of volunteers"
   Explanation: "5 times more than" is acceptable but lacks formality. "Five times greater than" offers a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by summarizing the main features of the charts regarding UK graduate and postgraduate students’ activities after leaving college in 2008. It presents an overview of the data, mentioning the top choices and the least popular option. Key features such as further study, part-time work, unemployment, and volunteering are highlighted. However, there are some inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the reporting. For instance, the statement "the job that there was a few people did is volunteering" is unclear and could be more accurately phrased. Additionally, some details are irrelevant, such as the specific number of people who chose further study or part-time work, as these details are not necessary for an overview.

How to improve: Focus on providing a clearer and more concise summary of the main trends without including unnecessary details. Ensure that all statements are accurate and relevant to the data presented in the charts. Avoid vague or confusing language and strive for clarity throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents the main features of the charts, outlining the choices of UK graduate and postgraduate students in 2008 who did not enter full-time work. It mentions the top choice of further study and the least popular option of voluntary work. However, there are coherence issues such as lack of overall progression and some repetitive phrases. The essay also lacks clear paragraphing, which affects its organization.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on structuring the essay logically with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Avoid repetition by using synonyms and varied sentence structures. Ensure proper paragraphing to improve the readability and flow of the essay. Additionally, aim for a smoother transition between ideas and provide more precise comparisons where relevant.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with a mix of common and less common lexical items. The writer attempts to vary their word choice, such as using "chose further study" instead of repeating "further study" consistently. Additionally, there is an effort to incorporate specific numbers, which adds precision to the discussion. However, there are some inaccuracies and errors in word choice and collocation. For instance, "the job that there was a few people did is volunteering" could be phrased more accurately as "volunteering was chosen by a small number of people." The use of "there was" is awkward and less precise.

How to improve:
To improve lexical resource, focus on using more precise and varied vocabulary consistently throughout the essay. Be mindful of word choice and collocation to ensure clarity and accuracy. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and awkward phrasings can enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures and shows some complexity, such as in the sentence "Overall, further study was the top choice for these students whereas voluntary work was the least popular." However, there are instances where the complexity of the sentences leads to inaccuracies, such as in "The number of unemployed students was almost equal to students who had part-time job, accounting for 16,235 students." Additionally, there are grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("Next was part-time work with 17,735 students") and unclear phrasing ("Finally, the job that there was a few people did is volunteering because only 3,500 people chose it").

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider variety of sentence structures while ensuring accuracy. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and clarity of expression. Practice constructing complex sentences with clarity and precision to convey ideas accurately. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors before finalizing the essay can significantly enhance its accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided charts illustrate the post-college activities of UK graduate and postgraduate students who were not engaged in full-time employment in 2008.

Overall, it is evident that further study was the most favored option among these students, while voluntary work was the least preferred choice.

In 2008, the majority of graduate students, totaling 29,655 individuals, opted to pursue additional studies after completing their university education. Following this, part-time employment was the next popular alternative, with 17,735 students selecting this option. The number of unemployed students closely mirrored those engaged in part-time work, comprising 16,235 individuals. In stark contrast, only 3,500 individuals chose voluntary work as their post-college activity.

Similarly, postgraduate students in the UK predominantly continued their studies, with 2,725 individuals opting for further education. The number of postgraduates engaged in part-time employment was slightly lower, approximately 200 individuals less than those pursuing further study. Furthermore, there were 1,625 postgraduate students who remained unemployed, a figure approximately five times higher than the number of individuals engaged in voluntary work.