The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009. Summarise the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to one university in 2004 and 2009.
Summarise the information be selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given charts compare proportion of key means of transport used to travel to one university in 2004 and 2009.

It is clear that the figure of car experienced a decrease while the figures of the rest of means of transport had an opposite trend. Car and bus were the two most prevalent vehicles consumed to go to the university.

In 2004, Car held the top spot with 51%, the highest figure among the means of vehicle, followed by bus with 33%. Meanwhile, bicycle, train and walking were the vehicles which had much lower percentages with 9%, 3% and 4%, respectively.

In 2009, Bus witnessed a significant increase from 33% to 46%, obtaining the top due to new bus stop in the university in 2008. Simultaneously, because of applying car parking charges in 2006, there was a dramatic drop in car down to 28%. Two above-mentioned vehicles remained the most common means over 5 years. Meanwhile, the percentage of bicycle had a certain growth up to 16% and the insignificant rise of Train and walking with 4% and 6%, respectively.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"the figure of car" -> "the proportion of car usage"
Explanation: "Figure" typically refers to a numerical value or a diagram, while "proportion" is more appropriate when discussing percentages or ratios, as in this context.
"had an opposite trend" -> "exhibited inverse trends"
Explanation: "Opposite trend" is somewhat vague. "Exhibited inverse trends" clarifies that while one trend decreased, the others increased, providing a clearer comparison.
"prevalent vehicles consumed" -> "common modes of transportation"
Explanation: "Prevalent vehicles consumed" is awkward and doesn’t convey the idea effectively. "Common modes of transportation" is clearer and more concise.
"held the top spot" -> "dominated"
Explanation: "Held the top spot" is informal. "Dominated" is a stronger term and fits better in a formal context.
"the highest figure among the means of vehicle" -> "the highest percentage among the modes of transportation"
Explanation: "The highest figure among the means of vehicle" is awkward. "The highest percentage among the modes of transportation" is clearer and more precise.
"witnessed a significant increase" -> "experienced a notable surge"
Explanation: "Witnessed a significant increase" is somewhat generic. "Experienced a notable surge" adds specificity and elegance to the description.
"obtaining the top due to new bus stop" -> "attaining the highest proportion due to the establishment of a new bus stop"
Explanation: "Obtaining the top due to new bus stop" is unclear. "Attaining the highest proportion due to the establishment of a new bus stop" provides a clearer explanation of the increase in bus usage.
"because of applying car parking charges" -> "due to the implementation of car parking fees"
Explanation: "Because of applying car parking charges" is awkward. "Due to the implementation of car parking fees" is clearer and more concise.
"there was a dramatic drop in car down to 28%" -> "there was a significant decline in car usage to 28%"
Explanation: "Dramatic drop in car down to 28%" is redundant and awkward. "Significant decline in car usage to 28%" is more concise and precise.
"Two above-mentioned vehicles" -> "Both aforementioned modes of transportation"
Explanation: "Two above-mentioned vehicles" is redundant and awkward. "Both aforementioned modes of transportation" is clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main trends in transport methods to a university in 2004 and 2009. The key features, such as the changes in the usage of cars and buses, are presented and highlighted clearly. The essay also makes comparisons where relevant.
How to improve: To improve, you could extend your explanation of the key features and trends, providing more detailed comparisons between the two years. Additionally, ensure that all information provided is accurate and relevant to the task.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from discussing the modes of transport in 2004 to those in 2009. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices effectively, but some instances of faulty cohesion are present, such as abrupt transitions between sentences. The essay adequately presents a central topic within each paragraph, discussing the main modes of transport and their changes over time.
How to improve: To improve cohesion, ensure smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices more consistently throughout the essay to create clearer relationships between ideas. Additionally, focus on enhancing the logical progression within paragraphs for a more cohesive presentation of information.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, utilizing varied transportation-related terms such as "car," "bus," "bicycle," "train," and "walking." The writer also attempts to use less common vocabulary like "consumed" and "prevalent," though there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as "consumed" instead of "used" or "utilized." Additionally, there is an attempt at lexical variety with phrases like "witnessed a significant increase" and "dramatic drop." However, some inaccuracies and awkward word choices, such as "obtaining the top," detract from the overall lexical quality. Errors in spelling and word formation, like "witnessed" instead of "saw" and "due to new bus stop" instead of "due to the introduction of a new bus stop," are present but do not impede communication significantly.
How to improve: To improve lexical resource, strive for more precise and appropriate word choices and expressions. Use academic language where applicable and ensure consistency in vocabulary usage throughout the essay. Proofread carefully to eliminate spelling and word formation errors, aiming for greater clarity and coherence in expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. The writer uses various structures, such as compound and complex sentences. However, there are several errors in grammar and punctuation. Some of these errors include incorrect verb tenses ("experienced a decrease"), incorrect use of prepositions ("of key means"), and awkward phrasing ("the rest of means of transport"). Despite these errors, they rarely impede understanding, as the overall meaning is generally clear.

How to improve:
To improve the band score, the writer should focus on the following:

Verb Agreement and Tenses: Ensure that verbs agree with their subjects and that the tenses are consistent and appropriate.
Prepositions: Use correct prepositions for expressions, as incorrect prepositions can alter the intended meaning.
Punctuation: Review punctuation rules to avoid errors, particularly with commas and periods.
Sentence Structures: Continue to use a mix of simple and complex structures, but aim for more consistent accuracy. Consider varying sentence structures to avoid repetition and monotony.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided charts illustrate the main modes of transportation utilized by individuals commuting to a specific university in the years 2004 and 2009.

Overall, there was a noticeable decline in the utilization of cars, while other modes of transportation experienced an upward trend. Cars and buses emerged as the primary modes of travel to the university during both periods.

In 2004, cars held the dominant position, constituting 51% of the total transportation share, followed by buses at 33%. Conversely, bicycles, trains, and walking accounted for much lower percentages, at 9%, 3%, and 4%, respectively.

By 2009, there was a significant surge in bus usage, climbing from 33% to 46%, propelled by the introduction of a new bus stop on campus in 2008. In contrast, the implementation of car parking charges in 2006 led to a substantial decrease in car usage, plummeting to 28%. Despite these fluctuations, cars and buses remained the most commonly utilized modes of transportation over the five-year period. Furthermore, bicycles saw a notable increase in usage, rising to 16%, while trains and walking experienced marginal growth, reaching 4% and 6%, respectively.

In summary, the data reveals a shift in transportation preferences over the specified timeframe, with buses emerging as the dominant mode of travel to the university in 2009, driven by infrastructural changes, while car usage declined due to parking charges.