The charts show the main methods of transport of people travelling to university in Germany and the UK in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts give information about five different methods of transport used by individuals in Germany and the UK in 2009. Overall, individuals in Germany primarily used cars for university commuting, while buses accounted for the greatest percentage of means of transport in the UK. In addition, Germany relied more heavily on private vehicles compared to the UK.
Looking at the charts in more detail, automobiles were the most common means of transport that people drove in Germany, while they made up 28% of the total in the UK. In addition, buses accounted for 48% of the UK's transport methods utilised, which was 13% higher than that for Germany.
In terms of the remaining categories, individuals in Germany utilised bicycles for university travel less frequently than those in the UK, with respective figures of 9% and 16%. Finally, 6% and 4% of people commuted to university in the UK by walking and by train in that order, which were 2% and 1% higher than the figures for Germany.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"give information about" -> "provide data on"
Explanation: "Provide data on" is more formal and precise than "give information about," aligning better with academic writing standards.
"individuals in Germany primarily used cars for university commuting" -> "individuals in Germany predominantly utilized cars for commuting to university"
Explanation: "Predominantly utilized" is a more formal and precise expression than "primarily used," and "commuting to university" improves clarity regarding the purpose of travel.
"accounted for the greatest percentage of means of transport" -> "represented the highest proportion of transportation methods"
Explanation: "Represented the highest proportion" is more formal and precise than "accounted for the greatest percentage," enhancing the academic tone.
"Germany relied more heavily on private vehicles compared to the UK" -> "Germany exhibited a greater reliance on private vehicles than the UK"
Explanation: "Exhibited a greater reliance" is a more formal and precise construction than "relied more heavily," improving the academic quality of the statement.
"automobiles were the most common means of transport that people drove in Germany" -> "automobiles constituted the predominant mode of transportation utilized by individuals in Germany"
Explanation: "Constituted the predominant mode of transportation" is a more formal and precise phrase than "were the most common means of transport that people drove," enhancing clarity and formality.
"which was 13% higher than that for Germany" -> "which was 13% greater than the corresponding figure for Germany"
Explanation: "13% greater than the corresponding figure" is more precise and formal than "13% higher than that for Germany," improving clarity and academic tone.
"utilised bicycles for university travel less frequently than those in the UK" -> "employed bicycles for commuting to university less frequently than individuals in the UK"
Explanation: "Employed bicycles for commuting to university" is more formal and precise than "utilised bicycles for university travel," enhancing the academic style.
"commuted to university in the UK by walking and by train in that order" -> "commuted to university in the UK by walking and by train, respectively"
Explanation: "Respectively" is a more concise and formal way to indicate the order of modes of transport than "in that order," improving clarity.
"which were 2% and 1% higher than the figures for Germany" -> "which were 2% and 1% greater than the corresponding figures for Germany"
Explanation: "Greater than the corresponding figures" is a more formal and precise phrasing than "higher than the figures for Germany," enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the key features of the charts. The essay also makes relevant comparisons between the two countries. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more detailed analysis of the data.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the data. For example, the essay could discuss the reasons why cars are the most common means of transport in Germany, or why buses are the most common means of transport in the UK. The essay could also discuss the implications of these trends.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively summarizes the main features of the charts, and the body paragraphs provide specific details and comparisons between the two countries. There is a clear central topic within each paragraph, which helps maintain coherence. However, while cohesive devices are used appropriately, there are instances of slight under-use, and the transitions between some ideas could be smoother. Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, but there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices and paragraphing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. This includes ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are more fluid and natural. Additionally, the writer could work on making the paragraphing more distinct by ensuring that each paragraph clearly addresses a single aspect of the data, which would further improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It uses some less common lexical items, such as "automobiles" and "utilised," but there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and phrasing, such as "individuals in Germany primarily used cars for university commuting," which could be more concisely expressed. There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "utilised" which is correct but less common in American English, and the phrase "the greatest percentage of means of transport" could be more clearly articulated. Overall, while the communication is effective, the occasional inaccuracies and errors prevent it from reaching a higher band.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes using synonyms appropriately and ensuring that less common vocabulary is used correctly in context. Additionally, reducing errors in spelling and word formation will help to improve clarity and coherence. Practicing paraphrasing and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and includes frequent error-free sentences. The grammatical control is generally good, with only a few minor errors present. For example, phrases like "individuals in Germany primarily used cars for university commuting" and "buses accounted for the greatest percentage of means of transport in the UK" show a good command of complex structures. However, there are some awkward phrasings and minor grammatical inaccuracies that prevent it from reaching a higher band score.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the complexity and variety of sentence structures while ensuring that all sentences are error-free. Additionally, refining awkward phrases and ensuring clarity in comparisons would strengthen the overall grammatical accuracy. Regular practice with complex sentence forms and careful proofreading could help minimize errors and improve fluency.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts provide information about five different methods of transport used by individuals travelling to university in Germany and the UK in 2009. Overall, individuals in Germany primarily used cars for university commuting, while buses accounted for the largest percentage of transport methods in the UK. Additionally, Germany relied more heavily on private vehicles compared to the UK.

Examining the charts in more detail, automobiles were the most common means of transport in Germany, whereas they comprised 28% of the total in the UK. Furthermore, buses represented 48% of the transport methods used in the UK, which was 13% higher than the corresponding figure for Germany.

In terms of the remaining categories, individuals in Germany used bicycles for university travel less frequently than those in the UK, with respective figures of 9% and 16%. Finally, 6% and 4% of people commuted to university in the UK by walking and by train, respectively, which were 2% and 1% higher than the figures for Germany.