fbpx

The charts show the sales of new cars in Australia in 1984, 2004, 2013.

The charts show the sales of new cars in Australia in 1984, 2004, 2013.

The pie chart illustrates how different types of new cars were sold in Australia in 1984, 2004 and 2013.
Overall, there was an upward trend in SUVs and other brands of cars, while Sedans witnessed a downward trend. It is clear that total sales of new cars increased throughout the period and Sedans was the main source income.
In detail, the most sales of new cars was Sedans, with 74% in the beginning of the period, experienced a fall to 62% in 2004 and 51% in 2013. Despite SUVs' decrease, it still comprised a half of total sales.
As for remaining subjects, other brands of cars accounted for 19% in 1994 before rising gradually from 21% 2004 to 32% in 2013. SUVs followed a similar pattern, which made up 7% at first, then it jumped to nearly a fifth of total sales ten years later before remaining the same figure in the rest of the period.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "The pie chart illustrates how different types of new cars were sold in Australia in 1984, 2004 and 2013." -> "The pie chart depicts the distribution of new car sales in Australia across various categories in 1984, 2004, and 2013."
    Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise verb than "illustrates" in this context, and "distribution of new car sales" is more specific than "different types of new cars," which is vague.

  2. "there was an upward trend in SUVs and other brands of cars, while Sedans witnessed a downward trend." -> "there was an increase in the sales of SUVs and other car brands, whereas Sedans experienced a decline."
    Explanation: "Increase" is more specific than "upward trend," and "decline" is more precise than "downward trend." Also, "car brands" is more formal than "brands of cars."

  3. "It is clear that total sales of new cars increased throughout the period and Sedans was the main source income." -> "It is evident that overall new car sales increased throughout the period, with Sedans being the primary source of revenue."
    Explanation: "It is evident" is a more formal expression than "It is clear." "Primary source of revenue" is more precise than "main source income," which is grammatically incorrect.

  4. "the most sales of new cars was Sedans" -> "the highest proportion of new car sales was Sedans"
    Explanation: "Highest proportion" is grammatically correct and more precise than "most sales," which is awkwardly phrased.

  5. "experienced a fall to 62% in 2004 and 51% in 2013." -> "decreased to 62% in 2004 and 51% in 2013."
    Explanation: "Decreased" is a more formal and precise term than "experienced a fall," which is colloquial.

  6. "it still comprised a half of total sales." -> "it still comprised half of total sales."
    Explanation: "Half" is an uncountable noun and should not be preceded by "a."

  7. "other brands of cars accounted for 19% in 1994 before rising gradually from 21% 2004 to 32% in 2013." -> "other car brands accounted for 19% in 1994, gradually increasing to 21% in 2004 and 32% in 2013."
    Explanation: "Gradually increasing" is more formal and precise than "rising gradually," and removing the space between "2004" and "to" corrects the punctuation.

  8. "SUVs followed a similar pattern, which made up nearly a fifth of total sales ten years later before remaining the same figure in the rest of the period." -> "SUVs followed a similar pattern, comprising nearly a fifth of total sales ten years later, before maintaining the same proportion throughout the remainder of the period."
    Explanation: "Comprising" is more precise than "made up," and "maintaining the same proportion" is more formal than "remaining the same figure."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the data. Instead, it recounts details mechanically, with no clear overview. The essay also presents key features/bullet points, but inadequately covers them. There is a tendency to focus on details rather than providing a clear overview of the main trends.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main trends in the data. The essay should also focus on presenting the key features/bullet points in a more comprehensive way. The essay should avoid recounting details mechanically and instead focus on providing a clear and concise overview of the data.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe the trends in car sales, the connections between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some inaccuracies and repetition. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not always logical, as the transitions between ideas could be smoother.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the essay should establish clearer connections between the trends discussed. This can be achieved by using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic that relates logically to the overall argument. Additionally, improving the structure by clearly separating different time periods or categories into distinct paragraphs would aid in clarity and progression.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the main source income" instead of "the main source of income," and "the most sales of new cars was Sedans" instead of "the highest sales of new cars were Sedans." Additionally, there are some spelling and grammatical errors that, while not severely impeding communication, do detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using more precise vocabulary and ensuring correct collocations. They should also aim to reduce errors in spelling and word formation. Expanding their vocabulary through reading and practice can help them incorporate more sophisticated and varied language into their writing. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity can improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some errors in grammar and punctuation. While the main ideas are communicated effectively, the presence of grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing occasionally hinders clarity. For example, phrases like "the most sales of new cars was Sedans" and "despite SUVs’ decrease" contain grammatical errors that detract from the overall quality. However, these errors do not significantly impede communication, allowing the reader to understand the main points being made.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and refining sentence structure. This can be accomplished by practicing complex sentence forms and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and awkward phrasing can help improve clarity and coherence. Expanding vocabulary and varying sentence structures will also contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie chart illustrates how different types of new cars were sold in Australia in 1984, 2004, and 2013. Overall, there was an upward trend in the sales of SUVs and other brands of cars, while Sedans experienced a downward trend. It is clear that total sales of new cars increased throughout the period, with Sedans being the main source of income.

In detail, the highest sales of new cars were Sedans, which accounted for 74% at the beginning of the period, but fell to 62% in 2004 and further declined to 51% in 2013. Despite the decrease in Sedans, SUVs still comprised half of total sales.

Regarding the remaining categories, other brands of cars accounted for 19% in 1984 before rising gradually from 21% in 2004 to 32% in 2013. SUVs followed a similar pattern, making up 7% initially, then jumping to nearly a fifth of total sales ten years later, before maintaining the same figure for the rest of the period.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này