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The consumption of the world’s resources (oil, water, etc.) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are the causes and solutions?

The consumption of the world’s resources (oil, water, etc.) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are the causes and solutions?

One of the most pressing environmental problems that the globe is facing these days is the depletion of resources at an alarming pace. This essay will discuss environmental problems and the measures can take to address these problems.
Two of the biggest threats to resources are industrialism and transportation. Factory and power plants are utilizing a lot of fossil fuels which may have a devastating effect on the planet in the future. Transportation has given rise to scarce resources such as coal, oil, etc that can’t be renewed after use.
The governments could certainly make more effort to reduce the depletion of resources. One of the ways to decline this is by introducing laws to limit utilization from factories and power plants or to force them to use renewable energy from solar, wind, or water power. Another solution would be for the government to impose green taxes on drivers and factories. In this way, people would be encouraged to use public transport and to use more renewable energy, therefore reducing the consumption of resources. Individuals should also take responsibility for the impact they have on the resource. They can take public transport rather than driving, turn off the lights when not using, and use renewable energy as much as possible. In this way, we can help to reduce the overconsumption of resources.
In conclusion, there are two primary reasons why the resources are getting depletion, and a number of actions can be taken to tackle this problem.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "One of the most pressing environmental problems that the globe is facing these days" -> "One of the most critical environmental issues currently facing the globe"
    Explanation: The revised phrase replaces informal language with a more formal expression, emphasizing the urgency and significance of the environmental issue.

  2. "the depletion of resources at an alarming pace" -> "the rapid depletion of natural resources"
    Explanation: The term "at an alarming pace" is replaced with "rapid," which is a more formal and precise way to convey the speed of resource depletion.

  3. "measures can take to address these problems" -> "measures that can be taken to address these issues"
    Explanation: The original phrase is corrected for grammar and clarity, making it more suitable for an academic context.

  4. "Two of the biggest threats to resources are industrialism and transportation" -> "Two major threats to resources include industrial activities and transportation"
    Explanation: The revised version uses more formal terms ("major threats" instead of "biggest threats") and specifies the nature of the threats for clarity.

  5. "utilizing a lot of fossil fuels" -> "utilizing substantial amounts of fossil fuels"
    Explanation: The substitution of "a lot" with "substantial amounts" adds precision and formality to the statement.

  6. "may have a devastating effect on the planet in the future" -> "could have a detrimental impact on the planet in the future"
    Explanation: The term "devastating" is replaced with "detrimental" for a more formal tone, and "may" is replaced with "could" to convey a sense of possibility.

  7. "scarce resources such as coal, oil, etc that can’t be renewed after use" -> "limited resources like coal, oil, etc., which are not renewable after use"
    Explanation: The term "scarce" is replaced with "limited" for precision, and the phrase is structured for better clarity and formality.

  8. "reduce the depletion of resources" -> "mitigate the depletion of natural resources"
    Explanation: The term "reduce" is replaced with "mitigate" to convey a more formal and precise action.

  9. "laws to limit utilization from factories and power plants" -> "laws to restrict the usage of factories and power plants"
    Explanation: "Limit utilization" is replaced with "restrict the usage" for a more formal expression.

  10. "force them to use renewable energy from solar, wind, or water power" -> "mandate the use of renewable energy sources such as solar, wind, or hydropower"
    Explanation: The term "force" is substituted with "mandate," and the phrase is refined for a more formal tone.

  11. "impose green taxes on drivers and factories" -> "levy environmental taxes on motorists and industrial facilities"
    Explanation: The term "impose" is replaced with "levy," and the phrase is refined for a more formal expression.

  12. "Individuals should also take responsibility for the impact they have on the resource" -> "Individuals should also bear responsibility for their impact on natural resources"
    Explanation: The phrase is restructured for better clarity and formality.

  13. "They can take public transport rather than driving" -> "Opting for public transportation instead of private vehicle usage is one way individuals can contribute"
    Explanation: The revised version provides a more formal and detailed expression of the suggested action.

  14. "turn off the lights when not using" -> "turn off lights when not in use"
    Explanation: The phrase is simplified for clarity and conciseness without losing formality.

  15. "overconsumption of resources" -> "excessive consumption of natural resources"
    Explanation: The term "overconsumption" is replaced with "excessive consumption" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the causes and solutions to the depletion of resources. However, it lacks in-depth analysis and fails to address all aspects of the prompt. For instance, it briefly mentions industrialism and transportation as causes but does not delve into specific examples or elaborate on their impact. Similarly, the suggested solutions are mentioned but lack detailed explanation and concrete implementation strategies.
    • How to improve: To enhance task response, the essay should thoroughly explore each aspect of the prompt. Include specific examples to illustrate the causes and propose detailed, feasible solutions with practical implementation strategies. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position on the causes and solutions to resource depletion. It identifies industrialism and transportation as the main culprits and proposes government regulations and individual actions as solutions. The stance is consistent throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, provide more nuanced insights and explore potential counterarguments. This will showcase a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and bolster the overall argumentative structure.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the causes and solutions, but they lack depth and development. For example, the impact of industrialism and transportation is mentioned briefly without supporting evidence or elaboration. Similarly, the proposed solutions lack detailed explanation and practical examples.
    • How to improve: To enhance idea presentation, extend each point by providing relevant examples, statistics, or case studies. Develop the argumentation to give the reader a more thorough understanding of the issues and solutions. This will contribute to a more convincing and well-supported essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but has moments of vagueness and lack of specificity. For instance, when discussing the causes, it mentions "devastating effects on the planet" without specifying what these effects are. Additionally, the solutions are presented in broad terms, lacking specific details.
    • How to improve: To stay more focused, ensure that each point made directly relates to the prompt. Eliminate vague language and provide concrete details for a more precise and effective essay. This will contribute to a more coherent and on-topic response.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear position and touches upon the key elements of the prompt, it would benefit from a more comprehensive exploration of causes and solutions, supported by specific examples and a more in-depth analysis. Strengthening the development of ideas and maintaining precision in language will contribute to an improved overall response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically by addressing the causes and solutions to the depletion of resources. However, there is room for improvement in the essay’s overall structure. The introduction could provide a clearer roadmap for the reader by explicitly stating that the essay will discuss causes and solutions. Additionally, the second paragraph abruptly transitions from discussing threats to resources to potential solutions, creating a slightly disjointed flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider restructuring the introduction to provide a more explicit thesis statement outlining the discussion of causes and solutions. Furthermore, ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs by using transitional phrases or sentences that guide the reader through the logical progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, but the structure within some paragraphs can be refined for better coherence. For instance, the second paragraph could benefit from breaking down the discussion of threats into separate sentences, each addressing a specific aspect. This would make the content more digestible and enhance overall clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining paragraph structure by introducing and developing one idea per sentence. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and follows a logical sequence of supporting details. This will contribute to a more effective and organized presentation of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases (e.g., "Two of the biggest threats," "Another solution would be"). However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the use of cohesive devices for better coherence. For instance, incorporating more transitional words and phrases within and between sentences can enhance the overall flow.
    • How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices, including synonyms for commonly used linking words (e.g., moreover, therefore, however). Additionally, pay attention to the placement of these devices to ensure a smooth connection between sentences and ideas. This will contribute to a more cohesive and well-connected essay.

By addressing these specific areas of improvement, the essay can enhance its coherence and cohesion, potentially achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "industrialism," "utilizing," "devastating effect," and "renewable energy." However, there is room for improvement as certain ideas are expressed using repetitive language, limiting the overall diversity. For instance, the repetition of the phrase "resources are getting depletion" could be replaced with alternative expressions to enrich the vocabulary.

    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases when expressing similar ideas. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "depletion of resources," explore variations such as "exhaustion of natural reserves" or "diminishing environmental assets" to convey similar meanings.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The usage of vocabulary is generally clear and precise, with effective communication of ideas. However, there are instances where the choice of words could be more precise. For example, the phrase "scarce resources such as coal, oil, etc." lacks specificity, and specifying the exact resources in question would improve precision.

    • How to improve: Strive for precision by explicitly naming the resources at risk, avoiding general terms like "etc." For instance, mention "scarce resources such as coal and crude oil." This adds clarity and specificity to your ideas, contributing to a more precise use of vocabulary.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, spelling accuracy is satisfactory, with no major errors detected in the essay. However, attention to detail is crucial, and there are a few minor spelling issues such as "decline" instead of "curb" in the sentence "One of the ways to decline this is by introducing laws." Additionally, in the phrase "the measures can take to address these problems," the correct form should be "that measures can take."

    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, carefully proofread your work, paying close attention to details such as word choice and correct usage. Utilize spelling and grammar check tools to catch minor errors and improve overall precision in written expression.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures. While the author utilizes some complex structures, such as "One of the most pressing environmental problems that the globe is facing these days is the depletion of resources at an alarming pace," there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. Additional use of compound and complex sentences would enhance the overall variety and effectiveness of expression.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with varied lengths. For example, mix shorter sentences with longer ones to create a more dynamic and engaging flow. Additionally, experiment with different sentence beginnings and structures to add variety and sophistication to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are instances where minor errors affect clarity. For instance, "This essay will discuss environmental problems and the measures can take to address these problems" should be corrected to "This essay will discuss environmental problems and the measures that can be taken to address these issues." Punctuation is generally correct, but careful proofreading is needed to address occasional missing or misused commas.
    • How to improve: Focus on precise and clear expression by reviewing each sentence for grammatical accuracy. Pay special attention to subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles. In terms of punctuation, ensure consistency and correctness, particularly regarding comma usage. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-check tools to catch minor errors that might be overlooked.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates proficiency in grammatical range and accuracy, further attention to sentence structure variety and meticulous proofreading to address minor errors would contribute to an even more refined and effective piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

One of the most critical environmental issues currently facing the globe is the rapid depletion of natural resources. This essay will discuss the causes of this problem and suggest measures that can be taken to address it.

Two major threats to resources include industrial activities and transportation. Industrial plants, including factories and power plants, are utilizing substantial amounts of fossil fuels, which could have a detrimental impact on the planet in the future. Additionally, transportation is contributing to the depletion of limited resources like coal, oil, etc., which are not renewable after use.

To mitigate the depletion of natural resources, governments can play a crucial role by implementing effective measures. One approach is to enact laws to restrict the usage of factories and power plants, encouraging them to shift towards renewable energy sources such as solar, wind, or hydropower. Another viable solution is to levy environmental taxes on motorists and industrial facilities. This would incentivize the adoption of eco-friendly practices and contribute to reducing resource consumption.

Individuals should also bear responsibility for their impact on natural resources. Opting for public transportation instead of private vehicle usage is one way individuals can contribute. Moreover, simple actions like turning off lights when not in use and promoting the use of renewable energy sources can collectively make a significant difference in curbing the excessive consumption of natural resources.

In conclusion, the depletion of resources is primarily driven by industrial activities and transportation. To address this issue, governments should enforce laws promoting sustainable practices, while individuals can make a difference through mindful choices in transportation and energy consumption. By collectively taking these measures, we can contribute to the global effort of reducing the overconsumption of resources.

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