The consumption of the world’s resources (oil, water…) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are the causes and solutions?

The consumption of the world's resources (oil, water…) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are the causes and solutions?

It is a common belief that the world's resources are over-consumption these days, which is an alarming alert. This is a result of urbanization and industrial growth. While this is a serous problem, it can be solved by the encouragement of the government and the awareness of citizens.
The first reason could be overpopulation. More people living on the planet means that the demand for the Earth's resources continues to increase. As a result, non-renewable resources such as oil and gas are being exploited at an alarming rate to meet the rising demand for energy. Another reason could be blamed on economic and industrial growth. For example, thousands of industrial zones and power plants are being constructed annually. Consequently, these factories and plants consume huge amounts of sources such as oil and water.
There are a number of vital solutions to help tackle this problem. To begin with, the government should encourage industries to use renewable energy sources such as solar and wind power instead of fossil fuels. There should be strategies for managing population growth such as family planning or improving education about the limitation of fossil fuels. In addition, the government should encourage more efficient use of natural resources such as water, oil, or land. For instance, the authority can provide financial support for conservation organizations. Ad individuals, we can help deal with the problem by engaging in conservation projects, turning off our appliances when they are not in use or using recycled water for flushing our toilets.
In conclusion, the scarcity of non-renewable sources in the world led by the over-consuming of people can be attributed to human purposes reasons. The government and individuals need to realize and take action to reduce this issue.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "over-consumption" -> "overconsumption"
   Explanation: "Overconsumption" is the correct term, without the hyphen, as it refers to excessive consumption of resources. This adjustment aligns with academic style by using the proper term.
2. "alarming alert" -> "cause for alarm"
   Explanation: "Alarming alert" is redundant; "cause for alarm" is a more formal and concise alternative, conveying the same meaning.
3. "serous" -> "serious"
   Explanation: "Serous" is a medical term referring to a bodily fluid; "serious" is the correct term to describe the gravity of the problem.
4. "could be overpopulation" -> "could be attributed to overpopulation"
   Explanation: Adding "attributed to" clarifies the causal relationship between overpopulation and resource depletion, enhancing academic precision.
5. "As a result, non-renewable resources such as oil and gas are being exploited at an alarming rate to meet the rising demand for energy." -> "Consequently, non-renewable resources such as oil and gas are being depleted rapidly to satisfy the increasing energy demand."
   Explanation: "Exploited" may imply unethical use, whereas "depleted" accurately conveys the diminishing nature of resources. "At an alarming rate" is replaced with "rapidly" for a more formal tone.
6. "Another reason could be blamed on economic and industrial growth." -> "Another contributing factor could be attributed to economic and industrial growth."
   Explanation: "Could be blamed on" is more casual; "could be attributed to" is more formal. Also, "contributing factor" adds clarity and precision to the sentence.
7. "For example, thousands of industrial zones and power plants are being constructed annually." -> "For instance, thousands of industrial zones and power plants are erected annually."
   Explanation: "Constructed" is replaced with "erected" for a more formal and precise term, suitable for academic writing.
8. "Consequently, these factories and plants consume huge amounts of sources such as oil and water." -> "Consequently, these factories and plants consume substantial quantities of resources such as oil and water."
   Explanation: "Huge amounts" is replaced with "substantial quantities" for a more formal tone. "Sources" is replaced with "resources" for accuracy and clarity.
9. "There should be strategies for managing population growth such as family planning or improving education about the limitation of fossil fuels." -> "Strategies should be implemented to manage population growth, such as promoting family planning or enhancing education regarding the finite nature of fossil fuels."
   Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, while using "implemented" instead of "should be" for a more assertive tone.
10. "Ad individuals" -> "As individuals"
    Explanation: Correcting the typo and improving the phrasing for clarity and formality.
11. "engaging in conservation projects, turning off our appliances when they are not in use or using recycled water for flushing our toilets." -> "participating in conservation projects, powering off appliances when not in use, or utilizing recycled water for flushing toilets."
    Explanation: Replacing "engaging in" with "participating in" for variety and formality. Additionally, "powering off" is clearer than "turning off," and "utilizing" is more formal than "using."
12. "the over-consuming of people" -> "human-induced overconsumption"
    Explanation: "the over-consuming of people" is awkward phrasing; "human-induced overconsumption" is a more concise and precise description of the issue.
13. "The government and individuals need to realize and take action to reduce this issue." -> "Both government authorities and individuals must recognize and take decisive action to mitigate this issue."
    Explanation: Restructuring for clarity and formality, using "mitigate" instead of "reduce" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the causes and solutions related to the increasing consumption of the world’s resources. It identifies overpopulation and economic/industrial growth as key causes, while proposing governmental encouragement of renewable energy usage and population management strategies as solutions.
  • How to improve: While the essay does cover all parts of the question, there is room for improvement in providing more specific examples or evidence to support the points made. Adding statistical data or case studies could enhance the depth and credibility of the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the over-consumption of resources is a significant problem caused by human activities and can be mitigated through government intervention and individual action.
  • How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, the essay could explicitly state the stance in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion, ensuring consistency and reinforcing the argumentative framework.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing overpopulation and industrial growth as causes and suggesting renewable energy adoption and population management as solutions. However, some ideas could be further extended or elaborated upon.
  • How to improve: To enhance the depth of analysis, the essay could delve into the complexities of each cause and solution, providing more nuanced explanations and exploring potential challenges or counterarguments. Additionally, providing real-world examples or case studies would add richness to the discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, addressing the causes and solutions related to the consumption of resources. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more focused, particularly in providing specific examples or elaborating on certain points.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should avoid generalizations and ensure that each point made directly relates to the topic. Streamlining the discussion and providing more specific details would help in this regard.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there are opportunities for improvement in providing more specific evidence, enhancing clarity and depth of analysis, and maintaining focus throughout the essay. Incorporating these suggestions would further elevate the essay’s effectiveness in addressing the task requirements.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of ideas. It begins with an introduction that presents the problem and potential causes, followed by body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions. However, there are some instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. For example, the transition between discussing causes and solutions is somewhat abrupt, lacking a smooth segue. Additionally, the conclusion could better summarize the main points discussed throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider implementing a clearer structure with distinct sections for causes and solutions. Use transition phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs, providing a smoother flow of thought. In the conclusion, reiterate the main points discussed in the body paragraphs to reinforce the essay’s coherence.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to organize its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, such as causes or solutions. However, there are some areas where paragraphing could be improved for better clarity and coherence. For instance, the second paragraph discusses multiple causes without clear breaks, leading to a slightly congested presentation of ideas.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea or aspect of the topic. Break down complex or lengthy paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability and make it easier for readers to follow the argument. Additionally, use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate its main point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay incorporates a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. For instance, transition words and phrases such as "while," "consequently," and "in addition" are used to link sentences and paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used and their effectiveness in guiding the reader through the essay.
  • How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices beyond simple transitions to include pronouns, conjunctions, and repetition where appropriate. Additionally, pay attention to the placement and relevance of cohesive devices to ensure they effectively signal relationships between ideas. Varying sentence structures and employing parallelism can also contribute to cohesive writing, enhancing overall clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable breadth of vocabulary, with varied terms employed to discuss the topic. For instance, the writer uses phrases such as "over-consumption," "non-renewable resources," "exploited," "vital solutions," and "scarcity," among others, to convey ideas effectively.
  • How to improve: To further enrich the lexical resource, consider incorporating more specialized terminology related to environmental conservation and resource management. For instance, instead of repeatedly using broad terms like "resources," you could specify them as "natural resources," "energy resources," "water resources," etc., to add precision to your language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage is generally precise; however, there are instances where clarity could be enhanced. For example, the phrase "the world’s resources are over-consumption" seems awkward due to the incorrect use of "over-consumption" as a noun. Additionally, the term "serous" appears to be a typographical error instead of the intended "serious."
  • How to improve: Ensure that each term is used in the appropriate grammatical context. Review your writing to identify and rectify any typographical errors that may affect clarity. Consider proofreading your work meticulously to catch such errors and maintain precision in your vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally satisfactory, but there are a few notable errors, such as "serous" instead of "serious." Additionally, there are minor inconsistencies, such as "ad individuals" instead of "as individuals."
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, utilize spelling and grammar check tools during the writing process. Additionally, allocate sufficient time for proofreading to identify and rectify any spelling errors. Developing a habit of double-checking your work before submission can significantly enhance the overall quality of your writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, attention to detail in vocabulary precision and spelling accuracy can elevate the clarity and professionalism of your writing. Keep practicing to refine these skills and consistently strive for linguistic precision and correctness.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:
  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple and complex constructions. For instance, it utilizes both compound sentences ("As a result, non-renewable resources such as oil and gas are being exploited at an alarming rate to meet the rising demand for energy.") and complex sentences ("To begin with, the government should encourage industries to use renewable energy sources such as solar and wind power instead of fossil fuels.") to convey ideas effectively. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of sentence structures, as some sentences follow a similar pattern.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as conditional sentences, passive voice constructions, or inversion. This can add depth and sophistication to the essay, making it more engaging for the reader.
• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a fairly strong grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies throughout the text. For example, there are minor issues with subject-verb agreement ("The first reason could be overpopulation.") and punctuation marks missing in some places.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review and revise the essay carefully. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and the proper use of articles and prepositions. Additionally, ensure that punctuation marks such as commas, periods, and apostrophes are used correctly to enhance clarity and readability. Proofreading the essay multiple times can help identify and correct these errors effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed that the world is facing a concerning issue of overconsumption of its resources, posing a significant threat. This situation arises mainly due to the rapid pace of urbanization and industrial development. Although this is a serious concern, it can be effectively addressed through government initiatives and public awareness.

One primary cause of this phenomenon is the increasing global population. With more people inhabiting the planet, the demand for resources naturally rises. Consequently, non-renewable resources like oil and gas are being depleted rapidly to meet the escalating energy needs. Additionally, the expansion of industries and the establishment of numerous industrial zones and power plants further exacerbate the problem by consuming vast amounts of resources such as oil and water.

Several essential solutions can be implemented to mitigate this issue. Firstly, governments should incentivize industries to transition towards renewable energy sources like solar and wind power instead of relying solely on fossil fuels. Moreover, effective population management strategies such as family planning and educational campaigns highlighting the limitations of fossil fuels are crucial. Furthermore, promoting the efficient utilization of natural resources, such as water and land, is essential. This can be achieved through measures like financial support for conservation organizations. As individuals, we can contribute by participating in conservation efforts, practicing energy conservation by turning off appliances when not in use, and utilizing recycled water for tasks like flushing toilets.

In conclusion, the depletion of non-renewable resources due to overconsumption is primarily driven by human activities. It is imperative for both governments and individuals to acknowledge this issue and take proactive steps to address it. Through collective efforts, we can work towards reducing the impact of overconsumption on our planet’s resources.