The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

Nowadays, the world’s population is growing significantly which is a complex issue that people have to deal with. There are various reasons behind this phenomenon and i hold a viewpoint that this brings more harm than good to humanity.
There are many causes which can lead to the continued rise in the population. First of all, the decline in mortality rates due to advancements in healthcare and medical technology.For instance, when government focus on healthcare major, people’s life span would increase. Therefore, as more people live longer lives, the overall population increases. Secondly, The shift in cultural norms towards larger families and higher fertility rates. In some countries, there is a strong tradition of having multiple children, and this cultural preference can contribute to population growth. It can be seen obviously in some areas with poor conditions, especially mountainous region. People living there tend to have a trend in having numerous children since they hold a belief that their childs could help them when they grow up in many works. As a result, these factors can potentially contributing to the overall rise.
Besides, the population grow is a significant issue facing humanity. Firstly, rapid population growth can lead to overcrowding and urbanization which can create challenges in terms of housing, transportation, and access to healthcare. Addressing population growth will require a combination of efforts, including improving access to education and family planning, reducing inequality, and promoting sustainable development. In addition, the impacts of population growth on global security and stability should be consider, as overpopulation can contribute to poverty, inequality, and conflict. Addressing the challenges posed by population growth will require collaboration and cooperation at the local, national and global level…
In conclusion, the burdens people are facing in today currently caused by the increasing significantly in the world’s population. Personally, i maintain a view that this problems bring more negative impacts to human well-being.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"the world’s population is growing significantly" -> "the global population is increasing significantly"
Explanation: "Global" is a more precise term than "world’s" in this context, and "increasing" is a more formal synonym for "growing."
"i hold a viewpoint" -> "I hold the view"
Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error, and "the view" is a more formal expression than "a viewpoint."
"this brings more harm than good to humanity" -> "this poses more harm than benefits to humanity"
Explanation: "Poses" is a more formal verb than "brings," and "benefits" is a more precise term than "good."
"First of all" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "Firstly" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing.
"when government focus on healthcare major" -> "when governments focus on major healthcare"
Explanation: "Governments" should be plural to match the generalization, and "major healthcare" should be reordered for grammatical correctness.
"people’s life span would increase" -> "people’s life expectancy would increase"
Explanation: "Life expectancy" is a more precise term than "life span" in this context, referring to the average length of life.
"The shift in cultural norms towards larger families" -> "The shift towards larger families"
Explanation: Removing "in cultural norms" simplifies the phrase without losing meaning, making it more concise and formal.
"It can be seen obviously in some areas with poor conditions, especially mountainous region" -> "It is evident in certain regions with challenging conditions, particularly mountainous regions"
Explanation: "It is evident" is more formal than "It can be seen obviously," and "certain regions" and "challenging conditions" are more precise and formal than "some areas with poor conditions."
"their childs could help them when they grow up in many works" -> "their children could assist them in various occupations"
Explanation: "Children" should be singular to match the singular possessive "their," and "assist" is more formal than "help." "Occupations" is more precise than "works."
"the population grow is a significant issue" -> "population growth is a significant issue"
Explanation: "Population growth" is the correct noun phrase, and "is" should be used instead of "grow" for grammatical correctness.
"the impacts of population growth on global security and stability should be consider" -> "the impacts of population growth on global security and stability should be considered"
Explanation: "Considered" is the correct form of the verb to use in this context, and the article "the" is needed before "impacts."
"the burdens people are facing in today currently caused by the increasing significantly in the world’s population" -> "the challenges currently faced by individuals today are caused by the significant increase in the world’s population"
Explanation: "Challenges" is more specific than "burdens," and "currently faced by individuals today" clarifies the subject and time frame. "Significant increase" is grammatically correct and more formal than "increasing significantly."
"Personally, i maintain a view that this problems" -> "Personally, I maintain the view that this is a problem"
Explanation: Capitalizing "I" corrects the grammatical error, and "this is a problem" is grammatically correct and more formal than "this problems."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively identifies and discusses the causes of the continued rise in the world’s population, such as advancements in healthcare and cultural norms favoring larger families. However, while the essay addresses the second part of the prompt regarding whether this is the greatest problem faced by humanity, the argument could be more explicitly connected to the causes discussed. The conclusion reiterates the viewpoint but lacks a strong connection to the earlier points made.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each cause discussed is directly linked to the argument about whether population growth is the greatest problem. This can be achieved by explicitly stating how each cause contributes to the negative impacts on humanity, thereby reinforcing the position taken.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the rise in population is more harmful than beneficial. However, the clarity of this position is somewhat undermined by the phrasing and structure of the argument. For instance, the phrase "this brings more harm than good" could be more forcefully articulated throughout the essay, especially in the introduction and conclusion.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use stronger language and clearer transitions between points. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in each paragraph can help reinforce the position and ensure that it remains front and center throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the causes of population growth and its implications. However, some points could be better developed. For example, the discussion on cultural norms lacks depth and could benefit from specific examples or statistics to illustrate the argument. The mention of urbanization and its challenges is a good point but could be expanded with more detail on the specific impacts of overcrowding.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could include citing specific countries or studies that illustrate the trends discussed, thereby strengthening the argument and making it more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes of population growth and its implications. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened, such as the transition between discussing causes and implications. The phrase "the burdens people are facing in today currently caused by the increasing significantly in the world’s population" is somewhat vague and could be more precise.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main question. Using topic sentences that directly address the prompt can help guide the reader and keep the essay on track. Additionally, avoiding vague language and ensuring that each statement is specific will enhance clarity and relevance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, there are areas for improvement in the depth of argumentation, clarity of expression, and explicit connections between points made and the overall thesis. By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing causes and effects, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing causes to the implications of population growth is somewhat abrupt. The essay starts with causes but does not clearly delineate between the sections discussing causes and those discussing effects, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, ensure that there are smooth transitions between paragraphs. For example, after discussing causes, a transitional phrase like "Having explored the causes, it is essential to consider the implications of this growth" could help guide the reader more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but some are overly lengthy and could be broken down for clarity. For instance, the paragraph discussing causes combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it harder for the reader to follow. The second body paragraph also mixes various issues related to population growth without distinct separation.
- How to improve: Aim for clearer paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. For example, separate the discussion of healthcare advancements and cultural norms into distinct paragraphs. This would allow for a more focused exploration of each cause and make the essay easier to navigate.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "besides," and "in addition." However, the range is somewhat limited, and some devices are used repetitively. For instance, "Firstly" and "Secondly" are used to introduce points, but the essay could benefit from more varied transitions and connectors to enhance flow and coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "firstly" and "secondly," consider alternatives like "to begin with," "in contrast," or "consequently." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms can help maintain cohesion without redundancy. For instance, instead of repeating "population growth," you could refer to it as "this phenomenon" in subsequent mentions.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing the logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will elevate the coherence and cohesion further, potentially improving the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "mortality rates," "healthcare," "urbanization," and "sustainable development." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For instance, phrases like "growing significantly" and "complex issue" are somewhat generic and could be replaced with more nuanced expressions. Additionally, the use of "numerous children" and "strong tradition" lacks variation and could benefit from synonyms or more descriptive language.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should consider using synonyms or more specific terms. For example, instead of "growing significantly," they could use "experiencing exponential growth" or "undergoing substantial increase." Incorporating idiomatic expressions or more advanced vocabulary related to population studies could also enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that could lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "the population grow" should be corrected to "population growth" for grammatical accuracy. Additionally, the term "childs" is incorrect; the proper plural form is "children." The phrase "consider, as overpopulation can contribute to poverty" lacks clarity and could be rephrased for better understanding.
- How to improve: Writers should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. They can improve precision by reviewing grammar rules and ensuring that terms are used in their correct forms. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing and rephrasing sentences can help clarify ideas and enhance overall coherence.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "i" instead of "I," "childs" instead of "children," and "consider" instead of "considered." These errors detract from the professionalism of the writing and can disrupt the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools or apps can also help identify and correct errors. Additionally, practicing spelling commonly used academic vocabulary can enhance overall writing quality.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on these areas will not only enhance the quality of the writing but also improve clarity and coherence in conveying ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple sentences are prevalent, such as "The population grow is a significant issue facing humanity." There are attempts at complex sentences, for example, "As more people live longer lives, the overall population increases." However, the variety is limited, and many sentences lack complexity, which could enhance the overall sophistication of the writing. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the burdens people are facing in today currently caused by the increasing significantly in the world’s population," which detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice combining simple sentences into more complex ones using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., "Although many cultures prefer larger families, this can lead to significant challenges in urban areas."). Additionally, varying sentence beginnings and incorporating different grammatical forms (e.g., gerunds, infinitives) can enhance the essay’s complexity. Regularly reading high-quality essays can also provide examples of varied structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, "when government focus on healthcare major" should be "when the government focuses on healthcare." The phrase "the population grow" is incorrect; it should be "the population growth." Additionally, there are missing commas, such as after "healthcare and medical technology" and before "which can create challenges." The use of lowercase "i" instead of "I" is a recurring issue, indicating a lack of attention to detail.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and the correct use of articles. Practicing grammar exercises focused on these areas can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with the rules regarding commas, particularly in complex sentences, and practice proofreading their work to catch these errors. Reading aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation mistakes.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will significantly raise the quality of the writing. Regular practice and feedback can lead to noticeable improvements in these areas.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, the world’s population is growing significantly, which is a complex issue that people have to deal with. There are various reasons behind this phenomenon, and I hold the view that this poses more harm than benefits to humanity.

There are many causes that can lead to the continued rise in the population. First of all, the decline in mortality rates due to advancements in healthcare and medical technology is a major factor. For instance, when governments focus on major healthcare, people’s life expectancy would increase. Therefore, as more people live longer lives, the overall population increases. Secondly, there has been a shift in cultural norms towards larger families and higher fertility rates. In some countries, there is a strong tradition of having multiple children, and this cultural preference can contribute to population growth. It is evident in certain regions with challenging conditions, particularly mountainous regions. People living there tend to have a trend of having numerous children since they hold the belief that their children could assist them in various occupations. As a result, these factors can potentially contribute to the overall rise.

Besides, population growth is a significant issue facing humanity. Firstly, rapid population growth can lead to overcrowding and urbanization, which can create challenges in terms of housing, transportation, and access to healthcare. Addressing population growth will require a combination of efforts, including improving access to education and family planning, reducing inequality, and promoting sustainable development. In addition, the impacts of population growth on global security and stability should be considered, as overpopulation can contribute to poverty, inequality, and conflict. Addressing the challenges posed by population growth will require collaboration and cooperation at the local, national, and global levels.

In conclusion, the burdens people are facing today are currently caused by the significant increase in the world’s population. Personally, I maintain the view that this problem brings more negative impacts to human well-being.