The diagram below illustrate how recycled paper is made. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant

The diagram elaborates the process of making pulp through a simple filter paper to create recycled paper.In general, this process experiences several steps with the conversion of pulp.To specify, in the first step, pulp is carried from the conveyor belt to the system called the pre-treatment filter. Here, unfiltered pulp is poured from tanks into the water chemicals system. In the next step, after the unfiltered pulp passes through the system, it continuously to be filtered through the membrane and becomes the filtered pulp. In the following step, pulp is washed a stage of cleaning, including: water, soap, air and eliminate ink before mixing with water and chemical again. In the final step, the cleaned pulp is poured onto the conveyor belt, which takes this mixture to the process of drying by heated rollers and removes water. Strictly, only by dint of the membrane is pulp more carefully treated to make recycled paper.

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Errors and Improvements:

"elaborates" -> "illustrates"
Explanation: "Elaborates" implies a detailed explanation, while "illustrates" better conveys the depiction of a process, aligning more closely with the context of a diagram.
"experiences" -> "involves"
Explanation: "Experiences" doesn’t fit well in this context; "involves" better describes the steps of a process.
"conversion of pulp" -> "pulp conversion"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase improves clarity and flow, making it more concise.
"to specify" -> "to elaborate"
Explanation: "To specify" sounds abrupt here, while "to elaborate" fits better, signaling a more detailed explanation of the process.
"continuously to be filtered" -> "continuously filtered"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrasing improves readability without altering the meaning.
"a stage of cleaning" -> "a cleaning stage"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase enhances clarity and conciseness.
"eliminate" -> "eliminating"
Explanation: Using the gerund form improves grammatical accuracy and maintains consistency in tense.
"Strictly" -> "Essentially"
Explanation: "Strictly" doesn’t align well here; "essentially" fits better, emphasizing the core aspect of the process.
"by dint of" -> "due to"
Explanation: "By dint of" is archaic and less commonly used; "due to" is more contemporary and clearer in meaning.
"more carefully treated" -> "treated more thoroughly"
Explanation: "More carefully treated" is ambiguous; "treated more thoroughly" clarifies the intended meaning of enhanced treatment.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

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Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task of summarizing the process of making recycled paper. It outlines several steps involved in the process, such as pre-treatment filtration, washing, and drying. Key features like pulp treatment and drying are mentioned, but the overview lacks clarity and coherence. Some details are provided but they are not well connected or explained thoroughly.
How to improve: To improve, focus on providing a clearer and more organized overview of the main stages involved in making recycled paper. Ensure that key points are well-explained and linked logically. Include relevant comparisons where applicable to enhance the overall coherence of the summary.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents some organization by describing the steps involved in making recycled paper. However, there is a lack of overall progression as the transitions between the steps are somewhat abrupt. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate; there are instances of repetitive language ("pulp" is mentioned multiple times) and some unclear references ("Strictly, only by dint of the membrane…"). Additionally, paragraphing is insufficient, with long sentences grouped together rather than being broken down into logical paragraphs.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a clearer progression between the steps of the process. Use a wider variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively, avoiding repetitive language. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically organize information within paragraphs. Additionally, break the essay into distinct paragraphs to enhance readability and logical flow.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the process of making recycled paper. The writer attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "elaborates," "specify," and "dint," although some inaccuracies are present. There are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "continuously to be filtered" and "strictly, only by dint of the membrane." However, these errors do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve: To improve, focus on refining the use of less common vocabulary and ensure accuracy in word choice and collocation. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure for clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, including some complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay. While the essay attempts to convey the process of making recycled paper, the clarity is hindered by these errors, and some sentences are less accurate than others. There is an inconsistent use of punctuation, which affects the readability of the text.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should aim for more consistency in sentence structure and grammar. They should strive for clarity in expression, ensuring that each sentence effectively communicates the intended meaning. Additionally, a thorough proofreading to correct grammatical errors and improve punctuation usage would greatly enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram delineates the process involved in the production of recycled paper, beginning with the creation of pulp through a filtration process. Overall, the procedure comprises several distinct stages aimed at refining the pulp for paper manufacturing.

Initially, unprocessed pulp is transported via a conveyor belt to the pre-treatment filter system. Within this system, the raw pulp is introduced into a solution containing water and chemicals. Subsequently, the unfiltered pulp undergoes filtration through a membrane, resulting in the production of filtered pulp.

Moving forward, the filtered pulp proceeds to a cleansing phase, wherein it is subjected to various cleaning agents such as water, soap, and air to remove impurities, including ink residues. Following this cleansing process, the purified pulp is combined with water and chemicals once again.

Finally, the cleaned pulp is discharged onto a conveyor belt, facilitating its transportation to the drying phase. Here, heated rollers are employed to remove moisture from the pulp, thereby transforming it into recycled paper. It is noteworthy that the utilization of the membrane in the filtration process ensures a more meticulous treatment of the pulp, contributing to the production of high-quality recycled paper.