The diagram below show a small local museum and its surroundings in 1957 to 2007

The pictures demonstrate the variations of a small local museum and its background from 1957 to 2007.
Overall, the essay provides a basic overview of the changes observed in the small local museum between 1957 and 2007. By providing more specific details, examples, and a clearer structure, the essay could offer a more comprehensive and persuasive analysis of the museum's evolution and its impact on the local community.
The first change concerns the expansion of the museum when a variety of types of exhibition areas were built such as the special exhibitions, the education centre on the top of the museum. Plus, the museum shop and its entrance on the left of the similar map. Indeed, the construction of additional areas leading to an increase in visitors number visited annually and contributed to tourists options about the aspects exhibited. In addition, the appearance of the car park in the east-south made a condition for parking more means of transport here.
In contrast, further appearances as an alternative revolve around the addition of areas to develop the museum such as the local history room and museum store room that were respectively converted into the reception and the cafe, considered as the resting place to visitors. Plus, the national history exhibition in the center of the museum shifted towards the local history room. Moreover, there were some renovations that occurred over that period. They cut down the plants around the building to widen the museums acreage. Another similar change can be easily seen that the entrance hall from the main road to the building was knocked down.

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Errors and Improvements:

"pictures" -> "visual representations"
Explanation: "Pictures" is a common term but can sound informal in academic writing. "Visual representations" maintains clarity while elevating the language to a more formal tone.
"small local museum" -> "community museum"
Explanation: "Small local museum" is descriptive but lacks precision. "Community museum" adds a touch of formality and better conveys the museum’s role within the local area.
"Overall, the essay provides a basic overview" -> "In summary, the essay presents a foundational overview"
Explanation: "Overall" and "basic" are somewhat casual. "In summary" and "foundational overview" enhance the academic tone and clarity of the statement.
"types of exhibition areas" -> "exhibition spaces"
Explanation: "Types of exhibition areas" is redundant and less precise. "Exhibition spaces" is succinct and more appropriate for formal writing.
"Plus" -> "Additionally"
Explanation: "Plus" is colloquial, while "Additionally" is more formal and fits better in academic writing.
"visitor numbers visited annually" -> "annual visitor numbers"
Explanation: "Visitor numbers visited annually" is awkward and redundant. "Annual visitor numbers" is clearer and more concise.
"contributed to tourists options" -> "expanded tourists’ choices"
Explanation: "Contributed to tourists options" is unclear and awkward. "Expanded tourists’ choices" is more concise and precise.
"east-south" -> "southeast"
Explanation: "East-south" is not a standard directional term. "Southeast" is the correct term and maintains clarity in academic writing.
"further appearances as an alternative" -> "additional changes"
Explanation: "Further appearances as an alternative" is unclear and convoluted. "Additional changes" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing.
"national history exhibition" -> "exhibition on national history"
Explanation: "National history exhibition" is grammatically incorrect. "Exhibition on national history" is the correct phrasing for formal writing.
"some renovations that occurred over that period" -> "several renovations during that time"
Explanation: "Some renovations that occurred over that period" is wordy and less precise. "Several renovations during that time" is clearer and more concise.
"they cut down the plants around the building to widen the museums acreage" -> "The surrounding vegetation was cleared to expand the museum’s grounds"
Explanation: "They cut down the plants around the building to widen the museums acreage" lacks clarity and uses informal language. "The surrounding vegetation was cleared to expand the museum’s grounds" is more formal and clearer in its expression.
"Another similar change can be easily seen" -> "Another comparable alteration is evident"
Explanation: "Another similar change can be easily seen" is somewhat vague and informal. "Another comparable alteration is evident" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the key components of the prompt by describing the changes in the small local museum and its surroundings from 1957 to 2007. It identifies the expansion of the museum, changes in exhibition areas, the addition of facilities like a museum shop and car park, as well as renovations to the building and surroundings.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could delve deeper into the significance of these changes. Explaining how they impacted the museum’s role in the community or the visitor experience would provide a more thorough analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by focusing on detailing the changes observed in the museum and its surroundings over the specified period. It consistently provides information about expansions, additions, and renovations.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the main thesis, highlighting the significance of each change in relation to the overall evolution of the museum.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the changes in the museum effectively, providing specific examples such as the transformation of exhibition areas, addition of facilities, and renovations. However, it lacks depth in elaborating on the broader implications of these changes.
- How to improve: To extend ideas, consider discussing the consequences of these changes on the museum’s role in preserving local history, attracting visitors, and contributing to the community’s cultural life. Supporting claims with statistics or expert opinions could also strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by focusing on describing the changes in the museum and its surroundings over the specified time frame. However, there are instances where the discussion veers slightly off track, such as mentioning the widening of the museum’s acreage without providing clear relevance to the main theme.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all information provided directly relates to the evolution of the museum and its impact on the local community. Avoid tangential details that do not contribute to the central argument.

Overall, while the essay effectively outlines the changes observed in the small local museum from 1957 to 2007, it would benefit from deeper analysis and more explicit connections between these changes and their broader significance. Strengthening the clarity, depth, and relevance of the discussion would elevate the essay’s overall coherence and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a basic overview of the changes observed in the museum from 1957 to 2007. However, the organization of information lacks clarity and coherence. The essay jumps between discussing different changes without a clear structure, making it challenging for the reader to follow the progression of ideas. For instance, it discusses the expansion of the museum in one paragraph but then abruptly shifts to discussing alternative appearances without a clear transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should employ a clear and cohesive structure. This could involve starting with a clear introduction that outlines the main changes observed in the museum over the specified period. Then, each subsequent paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the museum’s evolution, providing detailed explanations and examples. Using transition phrases or topic sentences can help to guide the reader through the essay’s progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different aspects of the museum’s changes. However, the effectiveness of paragraphing is compromised by the lack of coherence within paragraphs. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear transitions, making it difficult to discern the main focus of each paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, each paragraph should focus on a single main idea related to the museum’s changes. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly states the main point, followed by supporting details and examples. Additionally, ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to maintain the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas and facilitate coherence. However, the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices are limited. The essay relies primarily on chronological sequencing to connect different changes observed in the museum, but transitions between ideas are often abrupt or lacking.
- How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, the essay should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices beyond chronological sequencing. These may include transitional words and phrases (e.g., "furthermore," "in contrast," "moreover"), pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, and cohesive conjunctions (e.g., "as a result," "consequently"). By diversifying the use of cohesive devices, the essay can improve the coherence and cohesion of its argument, leading to a more cohesive and persuasive analysis.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, including terms like "variations," "evolution," "exhibition areas," "construction," "alternative," "renovations," and "acreage." However, there’s a lack of variety in vocabulary usage, leading to repetitive phrases such as "additional areas" and "local history room" being reused frequently without much variation.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and alternative expressions for commonly used terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "additional areas," try using phrases like "expanded zones" or "augmented sections." Additionally, strive to introduce more specialized vocabulary related to museum management and urban development to enrich the analysis further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, terms like "expansion," "special exhibitions," and "renovations" are used accurately to describe specific changes in the museum. However, there are instances of imprecise language, such as "the appearance of the car park," which could be refined to specify the construction or establishment of the parking area.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, aim to use vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning. Instead of using vague terms like "appearance," opt for more descriptive language like "construction" or "establishment" to clarify the action being described. Additionally, pay close attention to the context in which words are used to ensure they accurately reflect the intended concept or idea.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory in the essay, with no glaring errors observed. However, there are some minor spelling issues, such as "acrage" instead of "acreage" and "visitors number" instead of "number of visitors." These errors slightly detract from the overall professionalism and clarity of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools and proofreading techniques to identify and correct errors before submitting the final essay. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling rules and practice regularly to reinforce correct spelling habits and minimize mistakes in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably varied range of sentence structures. It utilizes simple and compound sentences predominantly, with occasional complex structures. Examples include simple declarative sentences such as "The pictures demonstrate the variations of a small local museum and its background from 1957 to 2007," compound sentences like "Indeed, the construction of additional areas led to an increase in the number of visitors annually," and complex sentences such as "Moreover, there were some renovations that occurred over that period."
- How to improve: To further enhance the grammatical range and effectiveness of the essay, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures consistently. This could involve the use of subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and participial phrases to provide additional depth and sophistication to your analysis. For instance, instead of relying solely on simple or compound sentences, strive to integrate more complex sentences that elucidate relationships between ideas and provide nuanced explanations.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, with few notable errors. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement issues arise, such as "Plus, the museum shop and its entrance on the left of the similar map," where the plural subject "museum shop and its entrance" should be followed by "were" instead of "was." Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "In addition, the appearance of the car park in the east-south made a condition for parking more means of transport here," where the intended meaning is unclear due to awkward word choice and lack of clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, ensure consistent subject-verb agreement throughout the essay. Pay close attention to singular/plural nouns and their corresponding verbs to avoid errors. Additionally, strive for clarity and precision in your phrasing by carefully selecting appropriate vocabulary and sentence structures. Consider revising awkward or ambiguous sentences to convey your ideas more effectively. Finally, proofreading for punctuation errors, such as missing commas or misplaced punctuation marks, can further improve the overall clarity and coherence of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The visual representations illustrate the transformation of a small local museum and its surroundings from 1957 to 2007.

In summary, the essay presents a foundational overview of the changes observed in the small local museum between 1957 and 2007. By providing more specific details, examples, and a clearer structure, the essay could offer a more comprehensive and persuasive analysis of the museum’s evolution and its impact on the local community.

The first change concerns the expansion of the museum when a variety of types of exhibition areas were built, such as special exhibitions and an education center situated atop the museum. Additionally, the museum shop and entrance were positioned on the left side of the map. Indeed, the construction of additional areas led to an increase in annual visitor numbers and expanded tourists’ choices regarding the aspects exhibited. Furthermore, the creation of a car park in the southeast facilitated more convenient parking for various modes of transportation.

In contrast, further alterations focused on the addition of areas to enhance the museum’s offerings, such as the conversion of the local history room and museum store room into a reception area and a café, respectively, providing resting places for visitors. Moreover, the relocation of the national history exhibition from the center of the museum to the local history room occurred. Additionally, several renovations took place during that time. The surrounding vegetation was cleared to expand the museum’s grounds. Another comparable alteration is evident in the removal of the entrance hall from the main road to the building.