The diagram below shows a small local museum and its surroundings in 1957 and 2007

The pictures illustrate a subatomic regional museum and its surroundings between 1957 and 2007.

Overall, the town underwent a number of dramatic changes, the most important of which are the disappearance of the green area and the development of entertainment service.

In the north-west and south-west, most of the trees were cut down and the entrance was converted into an entrance museum shop. In the center of the city, the national history exhibition was converted into a special exhibition and educational centre, the local history room was expanded.

In the south-east, the museum store-room was constructed a reception and cafe, replacing most of the open space there. The trees were cut down and the park was constructed

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"subatomic regional museum" -> "local museum"
Explanation: "Subatomic" doesn’t accurately describe a museum; "local museum" is a more appropriate and clear term.
"most important" -> "significant"
Explanation: "Significant" is a more formal and precise term compared to "most important," enhancing the sophistication of the language.
"entrance museum shop" -> "museum entrance shop"
Explanation: Rearranging the words to "museum entrance shop" provides clearer description and improves readability.
"national history exhibition" -> "exhibition on national history"
Explanation: Restructuring the phrase to "exhibition on national history" maintains clarity and follows standard English word order.
"special exhibition and educational centre" -> "specialized exhibition and educational center"
Explanation: "Specialized" is a more precise and formal term than "special," and "center" is the American English spelling of "centre."
"local history room" -> "room for local history"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "room for local history" improves clarity and follows standard English word order.
"museum store-room" -> "museum storage room"
Explanation: "Museum storage room" is a more accurate and commonly used term for the described area.
"constructed a reception and cafe" -> "established a reception area and café"
Explanation: "Established" is a more formal and precise term for setting up a reception area and café within the museum.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the changes that occurred between 1957 and 2007 in the small local museum and its surroundings. The key features are identified, such as the disappearance of the green area and the development of entertainment services. However, some details lack clarity and the extension of certain points could be improved.

How to improve:
To enhance the Task Achievement score, provide more specific details and elaborate on the changes mentioned. Ensure that all key features are fully extended and accurately described. Additionally, clarify any ambiguous statements to improve the overall coherence of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, outlining changes in the museum and its surroundings over the given time frame. The introduction and overview are clear, highlighting the major transformations. However, there is a lack of overall progression as the essay jumps between different areas without a cohesive structure. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate; there are instances of repetitive language ("cut down") and a lack of clear referencing or substitution. The essay lacks clear paragraphing, making it difficult to follow the flow of ideas smoothly.

How to improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should establish a clearer structure with a logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph should focus on one aspect of the changes and be connected to the preceding and succeeding paragraphs. Additionally, varied cohesive devices should be used appropriately to link sentences and ideas, avoiding repetition. Proper paragraphing should be employed to enhance readability and organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "subatomic," "dramatic changes," "disappearance," and "development." However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "subatomic" instead of "small," which may slightly affect clarity. Additionally, there are errors in word formation and spelling, such as "store-room" instead of "storage room" or "storeroom," and "constructed" is repetitively used instead of more varied language for describing changes.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and accuracy. Try to vary word choice and collocation to convey meanings more effectively. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is also crucial to enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, aim for more sophisticated language where appropriate to elevate the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there are several instances where the sentence structures are awkward or lack clarity, impacting the overall coherence of the essay.

There is an effort to incorporate complex sentences, such as "the town underwent a number of dramatic changes, the most important of which are the disappearance of the green area and the development of entertainment service." However, the execution lacks accuracy and clarity, affecting the reader’s understanding.

While there are some error-free sentences, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as "most of the trees were cut down and the entrance was converted into an entrance museum shop," where the structure could be improved for clarity.

How to improve:

Work on sentence structure clarity and coherence. Ensure that complex sentences are used accurately and effectively to convey ideas.
Review grammar and punctuation to reduce errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation usage.
Practice using a wider range of sentence structures to enhance variety and fluency in writing. This could involve incorporating more complex sentence structures while maintaining accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided illustrations depict the transformation of a small local museum and its surroundings from 1957 to 2007.

In general, the town experienced several significant changes, notably the disappearance of green spaces and the emergence of entertainment services.

In the northwest and southwest sectors, a substantial portion of the trees was felled, and the museum entrance underwent conversion into a museum shop. Meanwhile, in the city center, the national history exhibition was repurposed into a specialized exhibition and educational center, while the local history section saw expansion.

Moving to the southeast, the museum’s storage area was transformed into a reception and café, displacing much of the previously open space. Additionally, trees were cleared, and a park was established.