The diagram below shows a small local museum and its surroundings in 1957 and 2007

The maps depict the layout of a museum and its ground in 2007 and the changes that had occured in 2007.

Overall, the building had extended, served move purposes with increased in a amount of room. The parking area had replaced a part of the garden.

Regarding the interior of the building. The entrance hall had relocated to the left of le original entering the entrace hall, visitors would In 1957, after seen the local history room on the left and the store on the right. The exhibition room was The biggest room After that 50 years, there was restructure, you room. would seen the muse un shop first, to the right, there was reception area and cafe. The special exhibition room and education centre were built on the northern of local history room.

In terms of the ground, the road along the southern of the museum remained unchanged. The car park had built on the East-south area of the museum. It was witnessed the decreasing in the green space.

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Errors and Improvements:

"and the changes that had occured in 2007" -> "and the changes that occurred in 2017"
Explanation: "Occurred" is the correct past tense form of the verb "occur." Additionally, the year mentioned should be consistent with the context, which is 2017, not 2007.
"Overall, the building had extended, served move purposes with increased in a amount of room." -> "Overall, the building had expanded, serving more purposes with an increase in space."
Explanation: "Extended" should be replaced with "expanded" for a more accurate description of the building’s growth. "Served move purposes with increased in a amount of room" is unclear and awkwardly phrased. "Serving more purposes with an increase in space" is a clearer and more concise way to express the idea.
"The parking area had replaced a part of the garden." -> "The parking area replaced a portion of the garden."
Explanation: "Had replaced" is unnecessary; "replaced" alone is sufficient to convey the past action. "Part" can be replaced with "portion" for a more formal and precise description.
"Regarding the interior of the building. The entrance hall had relocated to the left of le original entering the entrace hall, visitors would In 1957, after seen the local history room on the left and the store on the right." -> "Regarding the interior of the building, the entrance hall had been relocated. Upon entering the entrance hall, visitors in 1957 would have seen the local history room on the left and the store on the right."
Explanation: The sentence structure is convoluted and unclear. By rephrasing and restructuring the sentence, clarity is improved. Additionally, "seen" should be changed to "have seen" for grammatical accuracy.
"The exhibition room was The biggest room After that 50 years, there was restructure, you room. would seen the muse un shop first, to the right, there was reception area and cafe." -> "The exhibition room was the largest space. Fifty years later, there was a restructuring. Upon entering, visitors would first see the museum shop on the right, followed by a reception area and café."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks coherence and contains several grammatical errors. By breaking it down into clearer, grammatically correct segments and rephrasing for clarity, the meaning is conveyed more effectively.
"The special exhibition room and education centre were built on the northern of local history room." -> "The special exhibition room and education centre were built north of the local history room."
Explanation: The preposition "on" should be replaced with "north of" to accurately describe the location of the special exhibition room and education centre in relation to the local history room.
"In terms of the ground, the road along the southern of the museum remained unchanged." -> "In terms of the ground, the road along the southern side of the museum remained unchanged."
Explanation: "Southern of the museum" is incorrect; "southern side of the museum" is the correct phrase to indicate the location of the road in relation to the museum.
"The car park had built on the East-south area of the museum." -> "The car park was built in the southeast area of the museum."
Explanation: "Had built" should be replaced with "was built" for clarity and correctness. Additionally, "East-south" is not a standard directional term; "southeast" is the correct term to use.
"It was witnessed the decreasing in the green space." -> "There was a noticeable decrease in the green space."
Explanation: "It was witnessed" is awkward and passive; "There was" is a clearer and more direct way to introduce the subject. Additionally, "the decreasing" should be replaced with "a decrease" for proper noun-verb agreement and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by describing the changes in the museum and its surroundings between 1957 and 2007. The writer provides an overview of the changes to the building and grounds, including the extension of the building, changes to the entrance hall and interior layout, and the addition of a car park. However, the description lacks clarity and coherence in places, with some sentences that are difficult to understand ("The biggest room After that 50 years, there was restructure, you room. would seen the muse un shop first, to the right, there was reception area and cafe"). Additionally, there are some inaccuracies in the description ("served move purposes" should be "served more purposes", "had occured" should be "had occurred", "restructure" should be "restructuring", "witnessed the decreasing" should be "witnessed a decrease").

How to improve:
To improve, focus on providing a clearer and more detailed description of the changes, ensuring that all information is relevant and accurate. Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay presents information about the changes in the museum and its surroundings between 1957 and 2007. However, there are significant issues with coherence and cohesion. The essay lacks clear progression and organization of ideas. Sentences are often disjointed and lack clear connections. Additionally, there are errors in cohesion and referencing, leading to confusion. The use of paragraphs is inconsistent and does not contribute effectively to the structure of the essay.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on organizing ideas logically and ensuring clear progression throughout the essay. Use cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas and provide a smooth flow of information. Pay attention to referencing and avoid repetition. Ensure that paragraphs are used logically to group related information and enhance readability. Additionally, work on sentence structure and clarity to convey ideas more effectively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic level of vocabulary usage, with some repetition and inaccuracies. There are several instances of incorrect word choices and word formations, which may cause strain for the reader. Additionally, the essay lacks coherence and clarity due to grammatical errors and unclear expression of ideas.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, focus on expanding the range of vocabulary used, particularly in describing the changes depicted in the diagram. Pay attention to word choice and accuracy in spelling and word formation. Additionally, work on structuring sentences more clearly to enhance coherence and readability.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of structures, with frequent grammatical errors and faulty punctuation. The essay lacks coherence and clarity due to numerous errors, which hinder communication.

How to improve:

Structural Variety: Work on incorporating a wider range of sentence structures to enhance complexity and coherence.
Grammar and Punctuation: Pay careful attention to grammar rules and punctuation usage to minimize errors.
Clarity and Coherence: Ensure that ideas are presented logically and clearly, maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
Proofreading: Dedicate time to proofreading the essay to identify and correct errors in grammar, punctuation, and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams illustrate the evolution of a local museum and its surroundings between 1957 and 2007.

In 2007, significant changes occurred within the museum’s premises. Primarily, the building underwent expansion to accommodate additional functions, resulting in an increase in floor space. Notably, a portion of the garden was repurposed to facilitate the construction of a parking area.

Internally, notable alterations were observed. The entrance hall was relocated to the left of its original position. Upon entering, visitors in 1957 would first encounter the local history room on the left, with the store situated on the right. However, in 2007, visitors would first encounter the museum shop upon entering, located to the right. Adjacent to it, a reception area and café were established. Furthermore, new facilities, namely the special exhibition room and education center, were erected to the north of the local history room.

Regarding the surrounding grounds, certain features remained unchanged. The road adjacent to the museum’s southern boundary remained unaltered. However, significant modifications were evident elsewhere, notably the construction of a car park in the southeastern area. Consequently, there was a noticeable reduction in green space surrounding the museum.

Overall, the evolution of the museum and its surroundings between 1957 and 2007 reflects a notable expansion in both its physical footprint and functional capabilities, albeit at the expense of green spaces.