The diagram below shows how a biofuel called ethanol is produced.

The given diagram illustrates the variety of stages in the process of producting ethanol, a kind of biofuel.
Overall, there are 9 main phrases in the production of ethanol, commencing with the growth of plants and trees and culminating in the distribution of green energy to transportation and carbon emission.
The first step of process is that a significant number of trees and plants are grown thanking to the source of energy from sunlight and carbon footprint from human and vehicles. After trees have grown up, they are then harvested by machines. In the following step, the harvested materials have been poured into the grind machine to create a large amount of cellulose preparing for the processing in the laboratory.
After being processed in the laboratory, cellulose becomes some type of sugars. Subsequently, several useful microbes are added into the mixture of sugars to produce ethanol. Once ethanol have been created completely, the significance amount of ethanol is distributed to transportation, including road traffic and airplane. Then, these vehicles emiss carbon dioxide which is essential for the photosynthesis of plants.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"producting" -> "producing"
Explanation: "Producting" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "producing" for grammatical accuracy and to maintain the formal tone of the academic text.
"a kind of biofuel" -> "a biofuel"
Explanation: The phrase "a kind of" is redundant and informal in this context. Simplifying it to "a biofuel" enhances clarity and maintains the formal tone.
"commencing with the growth of plants and trees and culminating in the distribution of green energy" -> "beginning with the cultivation of plants and trees and concluding with the distribution of biofuels"
Explanation: The original phrase is verbose and vague. The revised version is more precise and uses more specific terms like "cultivation" and "biofuels," which are more appropriate for an academic context.
"significant number of trees and plants are grown thanking to the source of energy from sunlight and carbon footprint from human and vehicles" -> "a significant number of trees and plants are cultivated using energy from sunlight and carbon dioxide emissions from human and vehicle activities"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning by specifying the type of energy and emissions.
"have grown up" -> "have matured"
Explanation: "Have grown up" is informal and imprecise in this context. "Have matured" is more formal and suitable for an academic description of plant development.
"are then harvested by machines" -> "are then harvested using machines"
Explanation: "Using" is more precise and formal than "by," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.
"have been poured into the grind machine" -> "are poured into the grinding machine"
Explanation: "Grind machine" is not a standard term; "grinding machine" is the correct term, and the tense should be consistent throughout the sentence.
"some type of sugars" -> "various types of sugars"
Explanation: "Some type" is grammatically incorrect; "various types" is grammatically correct and more precise.
"Once ethanol have been created completely" -> "Once ethanol is fully created"
Explanation: "Have been created completely" is awkward and incorrect in this context. "Is fully created" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"the significance amount of ethanol" -> "a significant amount of ethanol"
Explanation: "The significance amount" is incorrect; "a significant amount" is the correct phrase.
"distributed to transportation, including road traffic and airplane" -> "distributed to various modes of transportation, including road traffic and air travel"
Explanation: "Transportation" is too broad and vague; "various modes of transportation" is more specific and formal. "Airplane" should be "air travel" for grammatical correctness and formality.
"emiss carbon dioxide" -> "emit carbon dioxide"
Explanation: "Emiss" is a typographical error; "emit" is the correct verb form.
"which is essential for the photosynthesis of plants" -> "which is necessary for plant photosynthesis"
Explanation: "Essential" is somewhat informal and vague; "necessary" is more precise and academically appropriate. Also, "photosynthesis of plants" is redundant; "plant photosynthesis" is more concise.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the process, and it recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview. The essay also does not provide any data to support the description. The essay presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points. There is a tendency to focus on details.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the process, highlighting the main features of the process, and providing data to support the description. The essay could also be improved by using more appropriate language and avoiding unnecessary detail. For example, the essay could be improved by stating that the process begins with the growth of plants and trees, and ends with the distribution of ethanol to transportation. The essay could also be improved by stating that the process involves harvesting the plants and trees, grinding them into cellulose, and then processing the cellulose into sugars. The essay could also be improved by stating that microbes are added to the sugars to produce ethanol, and that the ethanol is then distributed to transportation. The essay could also be improved by stating that the vehicles emit carbon dioxide, which is essential for the photosynthesis of plants.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to outline the stages of ethanol production, the sequence of ideas is not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which disrupts the flow of information. Additionally, paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the essay lacks distinct paragraphs that clearly separate different stages of the process.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly organizing the information into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific stage of the ethanol production process. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help to connect ideas more logically. Furthermore, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical progression will improve the overall clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the process of producing ethanol, there are noticeable errors in word choice and spelling, such as "producting" instead of "producing," "phrases" instead of "phases," and "significance amount" instead of "significant amount." These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the content. Additionally, the vocabulary used is often basic and repetitive, lacking the variety and sophistication expected at higher band levels.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items relevant to the topic. It is also important to ensure accurate word choice and collocation to avoid errors that may impede understanding. Practicing synonyms and varying sentence structures can help improve the overall quality of the vocabulary used. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will enhance clarity and professionalism in the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is a requirement for Band 6. There are several grammatical errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement (e.g., "Once ethanol have been created" should be "Once ethanol has been created") and word choice (e.g., "significance amount" should be "significant amount"). While these errors do not severely impede communication, they are frequent enough to detract from the overall clarity and accuracy of the writing. The use of some complex structures is evident, but the errors in grammar and punctuation are noticeable.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Subject-Verb Agreement: Ensure that verbs agree with their subjects in number and tense.
Variety of Sentence Structures: Continue to use a mix of simple and complex sentences but aim for more complex structures that are correctly formed.
Proofreading: Spend time reviewing the essay to catch and correct minor errors before submission.
Punctuation: Pay attention to punctuation rules to avoid faulty punctuation that can confuse readers.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given diagram illustrates the various stages in the process of producing ethanol, a type of biofuel. Overall, there are nine main phases in the production of ethanol, commencing with the growth of plants and trees and culminating in the distribution of green energy for transportation and carbon emissions.

The first step in the process is that a significant number of trees and plants are grown, thanks to the energy from sunlight and the carbon footprint from humans and vehicles. After the trees have matured, they are harvested by machines. In the following step, the harvested materials are poured into a grinding machine to create a large amount of cellulose, preparing it for processing in the laboratory.

After being processed in the laboratory, cellulose is converted into various types of sugars. Subsequently, several useful microbes are added to the mixture of sugars to produce ethanol. Once ethanol has been completely created, a significant amount of it is distributed for transportation, including road traffic and airplanes. Then, these vehicles emit carbon dioxide, which is essential for the photosynthesis of plants.