The diagram below shows how a simple water filter is constructed and how it functions to produce clean drinking water.

The provided illustration depicts the construction of an uncomplicated water filter and the sequential stages involved in the producing process of potable water.
Overall, it is apparent that the water treating process is facilitated by the storage barrel and the storage tank, which are connected through a pipe. In addition, the manufacturing process of drinking water commences with pouring the water into the barrel and concludes with retaining the cleaned water in the tank.
Located inside the storage barrel are the three layers of natural elements, inclusive of sand, charcoal, and gravel, with the gravel being positioned at the bottom, accounting for half of the space of the storage barrel. This barrel is connected to the storage tanks via a simple hose system, culminating in the construction of a water filter system.
The process of manufacturing drinking water initiates with pouring the untreated water into the storage barrel. Subsequently, it undergoes the filtration process in which the water is cleaned and the impurities contained in water are eliminated, facilitated by the utilization of sand, charcoal, and gravel. In the following stage, the cleaned water travels to the storage tank through the pipe and is ready to serve consumer’s demands.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"uncomplicated" -> "simple"
Explanation: "Simple" is a more concise and appropriate term in this context, conveying the idea without unnecessary complexity.
"producing process" -> "production process"
Explanation: "Production process" is a more precise term for describing the process of making potable water.
"facilitated by" -> "aided by" or "assisted by"
Explanation: "Facilitated by" is slightly awkward in this context. "Aided by" or "assisted by" are more natural alternatives.
"commences" -> "begins"
Explanation: "Begins" is a simpler and more commonly used synonym for "commences".
"retaining" -> "storing"
Explanation: "Storing" is a more precise term for holding water in the tank.
"inclusive of" -> "including"
Explanation: "Including" is a more concise alternative to "inclusive of".
"positioned" -> "placed"
Explanation: "Placed" is a more common and straightforward term for describing the location of the gravel.
"accounting for half of the space" -> "occupying half of the space"
Explanation: "Occupying half of the space" is a clearer and more direct way to express the idea.
"utilization" -> "use"
Explanation: "Use" is a simpler and more commonly used term in this context.
"consumer’s demands" -> "consumer demand" or "consumer needs"
Explanation: "Consumer demand" or "consumer needs" are more natural phrases for referring to what consumers require.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main stages involved in the construction and functioning of a water filter. Key features such as the layers of natural elements and the sequential process of water filtration are highlighted and presented clearly. However, the explanation could be more fully extended with additional details on the specific functions of each layer of natural elements and how they contribute to the filtration process.
How to improve: To improve, provide more detailed explanations of the role of each layer of natural elements (sand, charcoal, gravel) in the filtration process. Additionally, consider elaborating on the significance of the hose system in connecting the storage barrel to the storage tank, further enhancing the clarity and completeness of the response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information and ideas, with a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases ("Overall," "In addition," "Subsequently," "In the following stage"), although there are instances of slight overuse ("Located inside," "The process of manufacturing drinking water"). Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, focusing on different aspects of the water filter construction and functioning. The essay maintains coherence through the use of appropriate sequencing and logical flow of ideas.

How to improve: To enhance cohesion, ensure that cohesive devices are used more judiciously, avoiding repetitive phrases and maintaining variety. Additionally, consider providing more explicit connections between sentences within paragraphs to strengthen coherence further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, including terms such as "depicts," "sequential stages," "facilitated," "commences," "retaining," "inclusive of," "culminating," "utilization," and "impurities." There is also evidence of attempts to use less common vocabulary with phrases like "potable water" and "water treating process." Additionally, the essay shows some awareness of style and collocation, evident in phrases like "the manufacturing process of drinking water" and "the construction of a water filter system." While occasional errors in word choice occur, such as "the producing process" instead of "production process," they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To further improve the Lexical Resource, strive for more precise and varied vocabulary. Aim to incorporate more specific terminology related to water filtration systems and manufacturing processes. Additionally, pay attention to collocation and ensure that uncommon lexical items are used accurately in context. Finally, proofreading for minor errors in word choice can help enhance the overall clarity and sophistication of the essay’s vocabulary.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, such as compound and complex sentences, contributing to a sophisticated level of language use. There is consistent use of transitional phrases like "Overall," "In addition," and "Subsequently," enhancing coherence and cohesion. The essay also displays a good control of grammar and punctuation, with the majority of sentences being error-free. However, there are a few minor errors present, such as missing articles ("the producing process" should be "the production process") and awkward phrasing ("the process of manufacturing drinking water initiates with pouring"). Despite these, they do not significantly hinder communication or overall understanding.

How to improve:
To further enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to article usage and sentence structure. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence can help to eliminate minor errors and refine the expression of ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram provided illustrates the assembly of a basic water filtration system and the successive steps involved in the production of clean drinking water.

Overall, it is evident that the process of water treatment is enabled by the presence of a storage barrel and a storage tank interconnected by a pipe. Additionally, the production of potable water begins with the introduction of water into the barrel and culminates with the retention of purified water in the tank.

Contained within the storage barrel are three layers of natural materials: sand, charcoal, and gravel. Notably, gravel occupies the lower half of the barrel’s volume. This configuration establishes the foundation for the water filtration system. The connection between the storage barrel and the storage tank is facilitated by a simple hose mechanism.

The process of producing drinking water commences with the introduction of untreated water into the storage barrel. Subsequently, the water undergoes filtration, wherein impurities are removed, courtesy of the sand, charcoal, and gravel layers. Following filtration, the purified water travels through the pipe to the storage tank, where it is readily available to meet consumer demands.