The diagram below shows how coffee is produced and prepared for sale in supermarkets and shops.

The illustration depicts numerous steps involved in manufacturing coffee in order to sell in supermarkets and shops. Overall, there were total eleven stages, commencing with coffee beans collection and ending with final coffee products.
First of all, coffee beans are picked by hand, being exposed in a large area to dry them. After that, dried beans are roasted, followed by being cooled immediately. Once coffee beans are cooled, people grind them into powder. Following this, resulting powder is poured into a bottle with hot water, then it is strained and splitted into wet powder and water only.
According to the remaining stages, wet coffee is put into a special machine to freeze in a low temperature. Then, the grinding process is continuous occured, which frozen liquid is ground. After being cooled powder, it is put through a vacuum to remove water left. Finally, coffee powder is packaged into jars to dispatched to other supermarkets and shops.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Overall, there were total eleven stages" -> "Overall, there were a total of eleven stages"
Explanation: "There were total eleven stages" lacks clarity and proper grammar. "A total of" is a more precise and formal way to express the quantity.
"commencing with coffee beans collection" -> "commencing with the collection of coffee beans"
Explanation: Placing "coffee beans" before "collection" creates a smoother flow and follows standard English syntax.
"to dry them" -> "for drying"
Explanation: "To dry them" lacks specificity and is less precise than "for drying," which explicitly states the purpose of exposing the beans in a large area.
"cooled immediately" -> "immediately cooled"
Explanation: "Cooled immediately" is an awkward construction. Rearranging to "immediately cooled" improves readability and conforms to standard word order.
"people grind them into powder" -> "they are ground into powder"
Explanation: Changing "people grind them" to "they are ground" shifts to a passive voice construction, which is more formal and removes the need for the vague pronoun "people."
"resulting powder is poured into a bottle with hot water" -> "the resulting powder is added to hot water in a bottle"
Explanation: "Poured into a bottle with hot water" is ambiguous and lacks clarity. "Added to hot water in a bottle" provides a clearer description of the process.
"strained and splitted into wet powder and water only" -> "strained and separated into wet grounds and water"
Explanation: "Splitted into wet powder and water only" is grammatically incorrect. "Separated into wet grounds and water" is more precise and maintains clarity.
"According to the remaining stages" -> "Subsequent to the preceding stages"
Explanation: "According to the remaining stages" is awkward and unclear. "Subsequent to the preceding stages" is a more formal and precise way to indicate the sequence of events.
"wet coffee is put into a special machine to freeze in a low temperature" -> "wet coffee is placed in a specialized machine for low-temperature freezing"
Explanation: "Put into a special machine to freeze in a low temperature" is awkward and lacks precision. "Placed in a specialized machine for low-temperature freezing" provides a clearer and more descriptive explanation.
"grinding process is continuous occured" -> "continuous grinding process takes place"
Explanation: "Grinding process is continuous occured" contains grammatical errors. "Continuous grinding process takes place" conveys the intended meaning more clearly and uses proper grammar.
"which frozen liquid is ground" -> "where the frozen liquid is ground"
Explanation: "Which frozen liquid is ground" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Where the frozen liquid is ground" provides a clearer indication of the location and action taking place.
"After being cooled powder" -> "After cooling, the powder"
Explanation: "After being cooled powder" lacks proper syntax. "After cooling, the powder" is a more grammatically correct construction.
"to remove water left" -> "to remove any remaining water"
Explanation: "Water left" is awkward and less precise than "any remaining water." The latter phrase clarifies that all excess water is removed.
"coffee powder is packaged into jars to dispatched" -> "coffee powder is packaged into jars for dispatch"
Explanation: "To dispatched" is incorrect; "for dispatch" is the appropriate prepositional phrase. Additionally, "jars to dispatched" lacks clarity, while "jars for dispatch" provides a clearer indication of the purpose of packaging the coffee powder.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay adequately addresses the task by describing the various stages involved in the production and preparation of coffee for sale. It provides a clear overview of the process, covering each step from coffee bean collection to packaging for distribution. Key features, such as drying, roasting, grinding, and packaging, are presented. However, some details may be inaccurate or lacking clarity, such as the mention of splitting wet powder and water, which might confuse the reader.

How to improve: To improve, ensure accuracy in describing each stage of the process. Clarify any ambiguous statements, such as the splitting of wet powder and water, to provide a clearer understanding of the coffee production process. Additionally, extend the explanation of key features where possible to provide a more comprehensive overview.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, outlining the various stages involved in coffee production. There is a basic attempt at sequencing the steps, starting from the collection of coffee beans to the final packaging. However, there is a lack of overall progression, as some stages are not clearly connected to each other, leading to a fragmented presentation. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is inadequate and somewhat repetitive. The essay would benefit from clearer referencing and substitution to improve coherence.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure a clearer progression of ideas by logically connecting each stage of coffee production. Use cohesive devices more effectively to link sentences and ideas, avoiding repetition. Focus on maintaining a consistent topic within each paragraph and consider revising paragraph structure for better organization and clarity. Additionally, strive for more accurate referencing and substitution to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. There are some attempts to use less common vocabulary, but these are often inaccurate or awkward. There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation, such as "commencing" instead of "commencing," "split" instead of "split," and "dispatched" instead of "dispatched."

How to improve: To improve, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, paying attention to accuracy and appropriateness. Work on spelling and word formation to avoid errors that may cause difficulty for the reader. Additionally, focus on sentence structure and clarity to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of structures, including simple and complex sentences. There is an effort to incorporate complex sentence forms, such as using subordinate clauses, although they tend to be less accurate. However, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, which can cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, punctuation is faulty in several instances, affecting the clarity of the writing.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider range of sentence structures with greater accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure coherence. Additionally, revise punctuation usage to ensure clarity and coherence in the essay. Practice writing complex sentences accurately and proofread carefully to minimize errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the various stages involved in the production of coffee for sale in supermarkets and shops. Overall, there are eleven distinct steps, beginning with the collection of coffee beans and concluding with the packaging of the final coffee products.

To commence the process, coffee beans are manually harvested and then spread out in a large area to undergo drying. Following this, the dried beans undergo roasting, after which they are promptly cooled. Once the beans have been cooled, they are ground into a fine powder. Subsequently, the resulting powder is combined with hot water in a container, strained, and separated into wet powder and water.

Moving on to the subsequent stages, the wet coffee mixture is subjected to freezing in a specialized machine operating at low temperatures. The grinding process then continues, with the frozen liquid being further ground. After the powdered coffee has been cooled, it undergoes a vacuum process to eliminate any remaining moisture. Finally, the coffee powder is packaged into jars for distribution to supermarkets and shops.

Overall, the process involves a series of meticulous steps to ensure the production of high-quality coffee products for retail sale.