The diagram below shows how instant noodles are manufactured. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows how instant noodles are manufactured.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The illustration depicts the process of producing instant noodles on a industrial scale.

The process begins with delivering flour to silos and ends with several packaged cups of noodles. This is achieved by passing through four main stages of production, including mixing, stripping, drying, and packaging.

Flour is a must-have ingredient for manufacturing noodles. At the beginning, a truck is used to deliver flour to silos where it is stored before being processed. In the next stage, flour is mechanically blended with some water and oil in a large mixer. Under the mixer, the rollers are ready to flatten the mixture into dough sheets. Then, the sheets are passing through by a specialized machine to be cut into strips. After going through the stripping stage, the dough sheets now become semi-products in the whole chain of processing.

Continuing with the next stage of manufacturing, noodle discs play an important role to shape the strips into the familiar form of common noodles. Next, these discs are rolled into a large oil tank where the strips are fried and dried before being put into cups with spices and vegetables. Moving to the packaging stage, these cups of noodles are labeled and sealed and become final products – commercial instant noodles.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "a industrial scale" -> "an industrial scale"
   Explanation: "A" should be replaced with "an" before "industrial" because "industrial" begins with a vowel sound.

2. "This is achieved by passing through four main stages of production" -> "This is accomplished by passing through four main stages of production"
   Explanation: "Achieved" is replaced with "accomplished" to provide a more formal and precise term for the process of completing a task or goal.

3. "Flour is a must-have ingredient" -> "Flour is an essential ingredient"
   Explanation: Replacing "must-have" with "essential" maintains clarity while using a more formal and sophisticated term to describe the importance of flour in noodle manufacturing.

4. "Under the mixer, the rollers are ready to flatten the mixture into dough sheets." -> "Beneath the mixer, the rollers are prepared to flatten the mixture into dough sheets."
   Explanation: "Under" is replaced with "beneath" for a more formal and precise term to describe the position of the rollers relative to the mixer.

5. "Then, the sheets are passing through by a specialized machine to be cut into strips." -> "Then, the sheets pass through a specialized machine to be cut into strips."
   Explanation: "Are passing through" is corrected to "pass through" for grammatical accuracy and conciseness.

6. "the dough sheets now become semi-products" -> "the dough sheets now become semi-finished products"
   Explanation: Replacing "semi-products" with "semi-finished products" provides a more accurate description of the state of the dough sheets in the production process.

7. "Continuing with the next stage of manufacturing" -> "Proceeding to the next stage of manufacturing"
   Explanation: "Continuing with" is replaced with "Proceeding to" to maintain variety in vocabulary and enhance the formality of the expression.

8. "noodle discs play an important role to shape the strips" -> "noodle discs play a crucial role in shaping the strips"
   Explanation: Replacing "important" with "crucial" emphasizes the significance of noodle discs in shaping the strips, and "to" is replaced with "in" for grammatical accuracy.

9. "Next, these discs are rolled into a large oil tank where the strips are fried and dried" -> "Subsequently, these discs are immersed in a large oil tank where the strips are fried and dried"
   Explanation: "Rolled into" is replaced with "immersed in" for a more precise description of the action of placing the discs into the oil tank, and "Next" is replaced with "Subsequently" for variety and formality.

10. "Moving to the packaging stage" -> "Proceeding to the packaging stage"
    Explanation: "Moving to" is replaced with "Proceeding to" for variety and formality in expressing the transition to the packaging stage.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main stages involved in the production of instant noodles. It presents a coherent description of each stage, from the delivery of flour to the packaging of the final product. The key features of the process are highlighted, such as mixing, stripping, drying, and packaging, with sufficient detail provided for each stage.

How to improve:
To improve, the essay could further extend the descriptions of each stage to provide a more comprehensive understanding of the manufacturing process. Additionally, providing more specific data or quantities related to the ingredients or production volumes could enhance the depth of analysis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information and ideas by sequentially describing the stages of instant noodle production from flour delivery to packaging. Each paragraph focuses on a specific stage, presenting a clear central topic within each. Cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas, such as "this is achieved by," "at the beginning," "continuing with," and "moving to." Overall, there is a clear progression throughout the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider variety of cohesive devices and transitions to further smooth the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure consistent and logical paragraphing to improve the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the process of manufacturing instant noodles. There is a variety of terminology used appropriately throughout the essay, including technical terms like "mixer," "rollers," "stripping," and "packaging." The writer employs less common lexical items such as "semi-products," "noodle discs," and "commercial instant noodles," which enhances the lexical resource. The essay also displays awareness of style and collocation, maintaining coherence and cohesion in describing the process.

How to improve: To further enhance the Lexical Resource, the writer could incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary and expressions where appropriate to elevate the lexical richness of the essay. Additionally, ensuring precision in word choice and accuracy in terminology usage can help refine the lexical resource. Further, attention to varied sentence structures and phrasal expressions could contribute to a more polished and nuanced lexical presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. It effectively describes the process of manufacturing instant noodles, providing a detailed explanation of the stages involved. However, there are some grammatical errors and instances of awkward phrasing that slightly affect the clarity and flow of the writing.

Examples of errors include:

• Incorrect use of articles ("on a industrial scale" should be "on an industrial scale").
• Incorrect use of verb tenses ("sheets are passing through" should be "sheets pass through").
• Ambiguity in sentence structure ("the sheets are passing through by a specialized machine to be cut into strips").

Overall, the errors are noticeable but do not significantly reduce the communication of the process. The range of grammatical structures used is good, and the essay demonstrates the ability to form complex sentences. However, the essay could benefit from more consistent accuracy and attention to detail in grammar and punctuation.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, consider the following suggestions:

1. Review Basic Grammar Rules: Focus on articles, verb tenses, and prepositions to ensure they are used correctly.
2. Check for Consistency: Read through the essay to ensure consistency in verb tenses and avoid unnecessary shifts in tense.
3. Simplify Complex Sentences: While complex structures are encouraged, ensure they are clear and do not cause confusion.
4. Use a Grammar Checker: Tools like Grammarly or Microsoft Word’s grammar check can help identify common errors and suggest corrections.
5. Practice Sentence Structure: Experiment with various sentence structures to improve the range and ensure accurate use.

By following these suggestions, the essay’s grammatical range and accuracy can improve, leading to a higher band score in the future.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the process of manufacturing instant noodles on an industrial scale. It involves four primary stages: mixing, stripping, drying, and packaging, ultimately resulting in the production of packaged cups of noodles.

The manufacturing process commences with the delivery of flour to silos, where it is stored before undergoing further processing. Subsequently, the flour is mechanically blended with water and oil in a large mixer. The mixture is then flattened into dough sheets by rollers and cut into strips by a specialized machine. Following the stripping stage, the dough strips become semi-finished products in the production chain.

In the subsequent stage, noodle discs are utilized to shape the strips into the familiar form of noodles. These discs are then fried and dried in a large oil tank. Finally, the dried noodles are placed into cups along with spices and vegetables, labeled, sealed, and transformed into commercial instant noodles.