The diagram below shows how instant noodles are maufactured

The diagram depicts the main stages involved in the processing of converting animal skin into leather goods. Overall, the process of making leather goods consists of 11 steps, beginning with the drying of animal hide and concluding with the production of the final products.

The first step in the process involves drying the hide in open air. Next, the dried hide is transported by lorries to factories for further processing. Upon arrival at the factories, the skin is washed in lime water and then soaked in lime. Once the hide is flattened by a large roller, it is submerged in a liquid called tannin, which is a mixture of water and vegetable matter.

In the subsequent stage of the process, a polishing stage is conducted, where smaller rollers than those used in the previous step are employed. After that, the leather is transported to a different factory, where it is manufactured into various products such as shoes, handbags, and sports equipment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram depicts" -> "The diagram illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and formal term in academic writing, enhancing the description of the diagram’s purpose in a scholarly context.
"Overall, the process of making leather goods consists of 11 steps" -> "The leather-making process comprises 11 stages"
Explanation: "Comprises" is a more formal term than "consists of," and "stages" is preferred over "steps" in an academic context to denote sequential processes.
"beginning with the drying of animal hide" -> "initiating with the drying of animal hides"
Explanation: "Initiating" is more formal than "beginning," and "hides" is the plural form required here to match the context of multiple hides being processed.
"dried hide is transported by lorries" -> "dried hides are transported by trucks"
Explanation: "Trucks" is a more precise term than "lorries" in American English, and "are" agrees with the plural subject "dried hides."
"Upon arrival at the factories, the skin is washed" -> "Upon arrival at the factories, the hides are washed"
Explanation: Consistency in using "hides" instead of "skin" maintains clarity and accuracy throughout the description of the process.
"soaked in lime" -> "soaked in lime solution"
Explanation: "Lime solution" is a more precise term than "lime," which is a vague reference to the substance without specifying its form or concentration.
"Once the hide is flattened by a large roller" -> "Once the hides are flattened by large rollers"
Explanation: "Hides" should be plural to match the context, and "rollers" should be plural to indicate multiple rollers are used, enhancing the accuracy of the description.
"submerged in a liquid called tannin" -> "submerged in a tannin solution"
Explanation: "Tannin solution" is a more specific and scientifically accurate term than "liquid called tannin," which is vague and informal.
"smaller rollers than those used in the previous step" -> "smaller rollers than those employed in the preceding step"
Explanation: "Employed" is more formal than "used," and "preceding" is preferred over "previous" in formal writing to describe the sequence of events.
"the leather is transported to a different factory" -> "the leather is transported to another factory"
Explanation: "Another" is more precise and formal than "different," which can be vague and imprecise in this context.
"manufactured into various products" -> "transformed into various products"
Explanation: "Transformed" is a more precise and formal verb than "manufactured," which can imply mass production rather than the specific process described.

These changes enhance the formal tone, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it with academic standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features/bullet points. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the process, and it does not adequately highlight the key features of the process. The essay also includes irrelevant information, such as the size of the rollers used in the polishing stage.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the process, highlighting the key features of each stage, and avoiding irrelevant information. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the process. For example, instead of saying "the skin is washed in lime water and then soaked in lime," the essay could say "the skin is treated with lime water to remove impurities."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, outlining the main stages of the leather-making process with a clear overall progression. However, while the information is arranged logically, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved. For example, the transition between the drying stage and the transportation to factories could be more fluid. Additionally, while paragraphing is used, it is not always logical, as the essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively. This includes using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the stages of the process. Improving the clarity of referencing (e.g., using "the hide" instead of "the skin" consistently) would also help. Finally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas flow logically from one to the next would strengthen the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task of describing a process. Terms such as "drying," "transported," "washed," "soaked," and "polishing" are appropriate and convey the stages of the process clearly. However, the vocabulary used is mostly common and lacks the sophistication or variety expected at higher band levels. There are attempts to use less common terms like "tannin" and "vegetable matter," but overall, the lexical resource does not exhibit the flexibility or precision required for a higher score. Additionally, there are minor errors in word choice, such as "maufactured" in the prompt, which detracts from the overall quality.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and less common lexical items. Using synonyms and varied expressions to describe the same actions can also demonstrate a higher level of flexibility. Furthermore, ensuring accuracy in spelling and word formation will help in achieving a better score. Engaging with more complex sentence structures and varying the language used to describe processes can also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which aligns with the characteristics of Band 6. While there are some attempts at complexity, such as the use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence structures, the essay contains grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "the process of making leather goods consists of 11 steps" is misleading since the essay describes the process of converting animal skin into leather, not specifically making leather goods. Additionally, there are minor errors in punctuation and word choice that detract from overall accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of their grammatical structures and reducing errors. This can be accomplished by proofreading for common mistakes and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly. Expanding the range of sentence structures and using more precise vocabulary will also enhance clarity and coherence. Furthermore, ensuring that the content accurately reflects the prompt will improve the overall effectiveness of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram depicts the main stages involved in the process of converting animal skin into leather goods. Overall, the production of leather goods consists of 11 steps, beginning with the drying of animal hide and concluding with the creation of the final products.

The first step in the process involves drying the hide in open air. Next, the dried hide is transported by lorries to factories for further processing. Upon arrival at the factories, the skin is washed in lime water and then soaked in lime. Once the hide is flattened using a large roller, it is submerged in a liquid called tannin, which is a mixture of water and vegetable matter.

In the subsequent stage of the process, a polishing step is conducted, where smaller rollers than those used in the previous step are employed. After that, the leather is transported to a different factory, where it is manufactured into various products such as shoes, handbags, and sports equipment.