The diagram below shows how leather goods are manufactured. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The given diagram demonstrates the process of producing animal skin items. Looking from an overall perspective, it is clear that the production of leatherware includes 11 main stages, beginning with drying animal skins, and ending with resulting skins being made into products and being sold.
In the initial stage of the process, animal skins are dried before being transported to a leather processing plant. After that, animal skins are soaked in lime water solution after being washed in a mixture of water and lime. The process continues with soaked skins being put through a machine called a rolling mill to make them flat, where they undergo further processing.
The next step involves flat skins being soaked again in tannin (mixture of water and vegetable matter) in order to remove any impurities. Following this, soaked skins are put through a machine called a polishing machine to be polished. In the next stage, polished skins are shipped to the leather factory. The process ends with the resulting skins being made into products such as handbags, shoes, balls and others, ready for sale.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Looking from an overall perspective" -> "From an overall perspective"
Explanation: The phrase "Looking from" is unnecessary and informal. "From an overall perspective" is more concise and maintains an academic tone.
"the production of leatherware includes 11 main stages" -> "the production of leatherware comprises 11 main stages"
Explanation: "Comprises" is a more precise term than "includes," as it indicates that the stages are integral parts of the production process.
"resulting skins being made into products" -> "resulting skins transformed into products"
Explanation: "Transformed" conveys a more active and precise sense of change than "being made into," enhancing clarity.
"washed in a mixture of water and lime" -> "washed in a solution of water and lime"
Explanation: "Solution" is a more accurate term in a scientific context, as it refers to a homogeneous mixture, which is appropriate for the description of the washing process.
"soaked again in tannin (mixture of water and vegetable matter)" -> "soaked again in a tannin solution (a mixture of water and vegetable matter)"
Explanation: Adding "a" before "tannin solution" improves grammatical structure and clarity, while maintaining the academic tone.
"to be polished" -> "for polishing"
Explanation: "For polishing" is more concise and maintains a formal tone, eliminating the passive construction.
"the leather factory" -> "the leather manufacturing facility"
Explanation: "Manufacturing facility" is a more formal and precise term than "factory," which enhances the academic quality of the writing.
"balls and others" -> "various other items"
Explanation: "Various other items" is more precise and formal than "balls and others," which is vague and informal.

These changes collectively enhance the essay’s clarity, precision, and adherence to formal academic language.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the process, but it does not fully cover all the key features. For example, the essay does not mention the use of a rolling mill to flatten the skins. The essay also does not make any comparisons between the different stages of the process.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the process, including all the key features. The essay could also be improved by making comparisons between the different stages of the process. For example, the essay could compare the soaking process in lime water to the soaking process in tannin.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the initial stage of drying animal skins to the final production of leather goods. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The paragraphing is present but not always logical, as some stages could be grouped more effectively to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow of ideas by grouping related stages together in a more cohesive manner. Additionally, varying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that referencing is clear and appropriate will help to improve the overall coherence. Finally, refining paragraph structure to ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic will strengthen the essay’s organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task of describing a process. Terms like "animal skins," "leather processing plant," "soaked," "tannin," and "polishing machine" indicate an attempt to use less common vocabulary. However, there are instances of imprecision, such as the phrase "mixture of water and lime," which could be more succinctly expressed. Additionally, while the vocabulary is generally appropriate, there are some errors in word formation and a lack of variety in expression, which detracts from the overall effectiveness of the lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary and expressions, particularly synonyms and more sophisticated terms related to the leather production process. Attention should also be given to ensuring accuracy in word choice and collocation. Additionally, minimizing spelling errors and varying sentence structures can contribute to a more polished and effective use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While the writer attempts to use a variety of structures, the grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, such as the phrase "resulting skins being made into products" which could be clearer. However, these errors do not significantly impede communication, allowing the reader to understand the main features of the process described.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on increasing the accuracy of complex structures and reducing grammatical errors. This can be done by practicing more complex sentence formations and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly. Additionally, varying sentence structures further and ensuring that all sentences are error-free would enhance the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given diagram illustrates the process of manufacturing leather goods from animal skins. From an overall perspective, it is evident that the production of leatherware consists of 11 main stages, commencing with the drying of animal skins and concluding with the finished products being sold.

In the initial stage, animal skins are dried before being transported to a leather processing plant. Subsequently, the skins are washed in a mixture of water and lime, followed by soaking in a lime water solution. The process continues with the soaked skins being passed through a machine known as a rolling mill to flatten them, where they undergo further processing.

The next step involves the flat skins being soaked again in a tannin solution, which is a mixture of water and vegetable matter, to eliminate any impurities. Following this, the soaked skins are processed through a polishing machine to achieve a smooth finish. In the subsequent stage, the polished skins are shipped to the leather factory. The process culminates with the finished skins being transformed into products such as handbags, shoes, balls, and other items, ready for sale.