fbpx

The diagram below shows the development of cutting tools in the Stone Age. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the development of cutting tools in the Stone Age.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pictures compare 2 Stone Age cutting tools which were probably made and used by ancient people.
In general, while tool A was relatively simple and rudimentary, tool B was more refined.

First, 1.4 million years ago, tool A’s measurements were approximately 9 cm in length and 5 cm in width. From the front view, it had a rough surface. With a tapering shape, its biggest part was the middle, while the two ends were much smaller. The side view shows its thickness at about 2.5 cm. In the back, the large bottom part was perhaps the handle, while the pointy tip served the cutting purpose.

Dating back to 800,000 thousand years ago, tool B was nearly 12 cm long and 8 cm wide, which was significantly larger than tool A. From the front view, tool B closely resembled a water drop with a pointy tip and a round bottom. From the side view, both the edge and the tip seem straight and sharper than tool A. The back view clearly displays the bigger size of tool B compared to tool A.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "compare" -> "contrast"
    Explanation: Using "contrast" instead of "compare" provides a more precise description of the action, indicating a comparison of the differences between the two Stone Age cutting tools rather than just their similarities.

  2. "probably made and used" -> "likely crafted and utilized"
    Explanation: "Probably made and used" can be replaced with "likely crafted and utilized" to enhance clarity and sophistication, avoiding repetition of the word "made" and providing a more nuanced description of the tools’ creation and usage.

  3. "relatively simple and rudimentary" -> "relatively basic and primitive"
    Explanation: "Simple and rudimentary" can be substituted with "basic and primitive" to convey a similar meaning with more varied vocabulary, contributing to a richer description of tool A’s characteristics.

  4. "approximately 9 cm in length and 5 cm in width" -> "measuring around 9 cm in length and 5 cm in width"
    Explanation: Replacing "approximately" with "measuring around" maintains precision while adding a more descriptive tone to the dimensions of tool A.

  5. "With a tapering shape" -> "Featuring a tapered design"
    Explanation: "With a tapering shape" can be replaced with "Featuring a tapered design" to convey the same idea in a more concise and formal manner.

  6. "the two ends were much smaller" -> "the extremities were considerably smaller"
    Explanation: Substituting "the two ends" with "the extremities" and "much smaller" with "considerably smaller" enhances the sophistication and precision of the description of tool A.

  7. "shows its thickness" -> "indicates its thickness"
    Explanation: Replacing "shows" with "indicates" adds variety to the language and maintains formality in describing the thickness of tool A.

  8. "the large bottom part was perhaps the handle" -> "the substantial lower section likely served as the handle"
    Explanation: Replacing "the large bottom part was perhaps the handle" with "the substantial lower section likely served as the handle" offers a more detailed and confident assertion about the function of the handle in tool A.

  9. "served the cutting purpose" -> "served as its cutting edge"
    Explanation: Replacing "served the cutting purpose" with "served as its cutting edge" provides a more precise and formal description of the functionality of the pointy tip of tool A.

  10. "Dating back to 800,000 thousand years ago" -> "Dating back to 800,000 years ago"
    Explanation: Removing "thousand" after "800,000" corrects redundancy, ensuring clarity and conciseness in the description of the timeframe for tool B’s existence.

  11. "From the front view" -> "In frontal view"
    Explanation: Replacing "From the front view" with "In frontal view" maintains formality and conciseness while providing a smoother transition in the description of tool B’s features.

  12. "tool B closely resembled a water drop" -> "tool B bore a resemblance to a teardrop"
    Explanation: Substituting "closely resembled a water drop" with "bore a resemblance to a teardrop" offers a more vivid and precise comparison, enhancing the description of tool B’s shape.

  13. "both the edge and the tip seem straight" -> "both the edge and the tip appear to be straight"
    Explanation: Replacing "seem" with "appear to be" improves the formality and clarity of the sentence, ensuring a more confident description of the straightness of both the edge and the tip of tool B.

  14. "clearly displays the bigger size" -> "clearly indicates the larger size"
    Explanation: Replacing "displays" with "indicates" and "bigger size" with "larger size" maintains formality and precision in describing the comparative size of tool B.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay partially addresses the task, focusing primarily on describing each tool’s features from different viewpoints (front, side, and back), which aligns with the directive to report main features and make comparisons. However, the response tends to focus excessively on measurements and physical descriptions without adequately emphasizing or comparing the developmental progress or functional implications of the tools over time. While it includes comparisons between Tool A and Tool B, it does not offer a clear overview of the evolutionary significance or the progression in tool development, which is critical for a higher score.

How to improve:
To enhance the response and aim for a higher band score:

  1. Develop a Clear Overview: Begin with a strong overview that summarises the main evolutionary trends of the Stone Age cutting tools, rather than just describing the individual characteristics.
  2. Enhance Comparisons: Make explicit comparisons that highlight the evolutionary significance or improvements in design and functionality over time, rather than merely noting physical differences.
  3. Focus on Functionality: Incorporate discussion on how changes in design might reflect advancements in usage or technology, linking physical features to their practical implications.
  4. Organize Systematically: Organize the description more logically to guide the reader through the progression or stages in tool development, enhancing the reader’s understanding of the topic’s importance and complexity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a somewhat coherent manner, with a clear progression from describing tool A to tool B. Each paragraph focuses on one tool, presenting its measurements and features. The use of cohesive devices is evident, aiding in the overall organization. However, there are instances of faulty cohesion within and between sentences. For instance, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence. While the central topic within each paragraph is clear, the overall progression could be improved for better cohesion.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a smoother transition between paragraphs by using linking words or phrases to connect ideas more effectively. Additionally, pay attention to the flow of information within and between sentences to avoid any abrupt shifts or disjointed presentation. Using more varied cohesive devices and ensuring their accurate use can also strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay. Finally, consider a more structured approach to paragraphing to logically organize information and enhance coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "rudimentary" and "refined," and some awareness of style and collocation, seen in phrases like "tapering shape" and "pointy tip." Occasional errors in word choice and word formation are present, such as "1.4 million years ago" followed by "800,000 thousand years ago," which could be stated more consistently. Additionally, while the essay conveys the main features of the cutting tools, there is room for more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance lexical richness.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, aim for more variety and sophistication in vocabulary usage. Use precise terminology where applicable, and ensure consistency in numerical expressions to avoid confusion. Additionally, strive for greater accuracy in word choice and formation to enhance clarity and fluency. Overall, continue to expand vocabulary range and refine lexical choices for a more polished and nuanced essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures, including compound and complex sentences, such as "While tool A was relatively simple and rudimentary, tool B was more refined." and "Dating back to 800,000 thousand years ago, tool B was nearly 12 cm long and 8 cm wide, which was significantly larger than tool A." The sentences are generally error-free, with good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings that slightly detract from the overall clarity and fluency.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy further, consider revising sentences for smoother flow and clarity. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in tense usage throughout the essay. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors such as typos or redundant phrases can help elevate the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams depict the evolution of cutting tools during the Stone Age, showcasing two distinct implements likely crafted and utilized by ancient societies.

Initially, approximately 1.4 million years ago, Tool A featured dimensions of roughly 9 cm in length and 5 cm in width. From a frontal perspective, it exhibited a coarse surface texture, tapering towards its midpoint, while both ends remained comparatively diminutive. In profile, its thickness measured around 2.5 cm, with the rear portion potentially serving as a handle, and the pointed extremity fulfilling its cutting function.

In contrast, Tool B, originating approximately 800,000 years ago, boasted larger dimensions, measuring nearly 12 cm in length and 8 cm in width. Its frontal appearance resembled that of a droplet, with a sharp apex and a rounded base. From a lateral viewpoint, both the cutting edge and tip displayed straight contours, exhibiting a sharper profile than Tool A. The rear aspect distinctly showcased the augmented size of Tool B in comparison to its predecessor.

Overall, while Tool A presented a simpler, more rudimentary design, Tool B emerged as a more refined and substantial advancement in Stone Age tool technology.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này