The diagram below shows the process of generating electricity from coal. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The given diagram demonstrates the process of how electricity is produced using coal. In general, the process has totally 9 steps, starting with pouring coal from a supply system and ending with the disposal step.

After coal is taken from the supply system, it goes straight to a pulverizer to be grinded into powder. These pieces, subsequently, are burnt in a boiler which creates steam and dust. Next, the dust is collected in a separate system and disposed through an ash system while the steam is moved forward to the turbine.

The process continues when the steam drive the turbine which spins the generator to create electricity in the transformer. This steam is also cooled down by a cooling system and then condensed into water, then this water is moved back to the boiler and the process begins again.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In general, the process has totally 9 steps" -> "The process consists of nine steps"
Explanation: Replacing "In general, the process has totally" with "The process consists of" provides a more direct and formal introduction to the description of the steps involved in the process, aligning better with academic style.
"pouring coal from a supply system" -> "transferring coal from a supply system"
Explanation: "Pouring" is an informal term and might be misinterpreted as a liquid being poured, whereas "transferring" is more precise and appropriate for describing the movement of solid materials like coal.
"it goes straight to a pulverizer to be grinded" -> "it is directly transported to a pulverizer for grinding"
Explanation: "It goes straight" is informal and vague; "it is directly transported" is more specific and formal. Also, "to be grinded" should be "for grinding" to correct the verb form.
"These pieces, subsequently, are burnt in a boiler" -> "These particles are subsequently burned in a boiler"
Explanation: "Pieces" is too informal and imprecise; "particles" is more accurate and formal. Also, "burnt" should be "burned" for the correct past tense form.
"creates steam and dust" -> "produces steam and ash"
Explanation: "Dust" is too vague; "ash" is the correct term for the residue produced in the boiler. "Creates" is also less formal than "produces," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"the dust is collected in a separate system and disposed through an ash system" -> "the ash is collected in a separate system and disposed of through an ash disposal system"
Explanation: "Dust" should be "ash" for consistency with earlier in the sentence. "Disposed through an ash system" is vague; "disposed of through an ash disposal system" is more specific and formal.
"The process continues when the steam drive the turbine" -> "The process continues as the steam drives the turbine"
Explanation: "Drive" should be "drives" for subject-verb agreement, and "when" is replaced with "as" to indicate a continuous action.
"spins the generator to create electricity in the transformer" -> "drives the generator to produce electricity in the transformer"
Explanation: "Spins" is less formal and slightly imprecise; "drives" is more accurate in this context. Also, "create" should be "produce" for a more formal tone.
"This steam is also cooled down by a cooling system and then condensed into water" -> "This steam is also cooled by a cooling system and then condensed into water"
Explanation: "Cooled down" is redundant; "cooled" is sufficient and more concise. Removing "then" before "condensed" improves the flow of the sentence.
"then this water is moved back to the boiler and the process begins again" -> "this water is then returned to the boiler, initiating the process anew"
Explanation: "Moved back" is less formal; "returned" is more precise. Also, "the process begins again" is replaced with "initiating the process anew" to enhance the formality and clarity of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the process, but it lacks some key details and makes some minor inaccuracies. For example, the essay states that the dust is collected in a separate system and disposed through an ash system, but it doesn’t mention how the dust is collected or what happens to it after it’s disposed of. The essay also doesn’t mention the role of the stack in the process.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the process, such as how the dust is collected and disposed of, and by explaining the role of the stack. The essay could also be improved by making comparisons between different stages of the process, such as comparing the amount of coal used at the beginning of the process to the amount of electricity produced at the end.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the initial step of pouring coal to the final step of recycling water back to the boiler. However, while the progression is clear, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical, particularly in the transitions between steps. Phrases like "next," "after," and "the process continues" are used, but they do not always enhance the flow of information. Additionally, the paragraphing is present but could be improved for better clarity, as there is a lack of distinct separation between different stages of the process.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could vary the use of cohesive devices and include more sophisticated linking phrases that indicate relationships between ideas. Additionally, organizing the essay into clearer paragraphs, each focusing on a specific stage of the process, would improve logical progression and clarity. Using referencing more effectively to avoid repetition and ensure that each step connects smoothly to the next would also strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with terms like "pulverizer," "boiler," "turbine," and "transformer" being appropriate for the topic of electricity generation from coal. However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited, and there are instances of inaccuracy, such as "grinded" instead of "ground," and "disposed through an ash system," which could be phrased more clearly. While the essay communicates the process effectively, the occasional errors in word choice and the lack of more sophisticated vocabulary prevent it from achieving a higher score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary, particularly less common lexical items related to energy production and environmental impact. Additionally, improving precision in word choice and ensuring correct forms of words (e.g., using "ground" instead of "grinded") will contribute to a clearer and more professional tone. Lastly, reducing repetition and varying sentence structures can further demonstrate flexibility and sophistication in vocabulary use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to describe the process clearly, there are noticeable grammatical errors and issues with punctuation that occasionally hinder communication. For example, phrases like "the steam drive the turbine" should be corrected to "the steam drives the turbine." Additionally, the use of "totally 9 steps" is awkward and could be improved for clarity. Overall, while the essay conveys the main features of the diagram, the errors present indicate that the control of grammar and punctuation is not consistently strong.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Grammar Accuracy: Ensure subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms (e.g., "drives" instead of "drive").
Punctuation: Pay attention to the use of commas and periods to improve sentence clarity and flow.
Variety of Structures: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate greater grammatical range.
Clarity and Precision: Use more precise language to describe processes, avoiding awkward phrases like "totally 9 steps." Instead, consider rephrasing to "a total of 9 steps."

By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall quality of the essay and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given diagram illustrates the process of generating electricity from coal. Overall, the process consists of nine steps, beginning with the pouring of coal from a supply system and concluding with the disposal step.

After the coal is extracted from the supply system, it is directed to a pulverizer where it is ground into a fine powder. This powdered coal is then burned in a boiler, which produces steam and ash. Subsequently, the ash is collected in a separate system and disposed of through an ash disposal system, while the steam is directed to the turbine.

The process continues as the steam drives the turbine, which spins the generator to produce electricity in the transformer. The steam is then cooled by a cooling system and condensed back into water. This water is subsequently returned to the boiler, allowing the process to restart.