The diagram below shows the process of producing smoked fish

The chart illustrates the steps involved in the production of smoked fish.
Overall, the process comprises thirteen steps, beginning with catching the fish and ending with the final products being transported to fish stores.
At the beginning of the process, the fish are caught by large nets out at sea, after which transported by boat back to the port. Once the fish are in the port, the fish are then stored and frozen. Next, the fish are thawed out the fresh water, and then have their heads removed and cut into suitable pieces. Before being smoked, the fish are soaked in salty water with yellow couloring.
The process continutes with being smoked. Once the fish have been smoked, they are then packaged into boxes and then frozen at zero degree centigrater. Subsequently, the fozen products are then kept in a cold store before distributing by trucks to fish stores and ready to be sold to the customers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"thirteen steps" -> "thirteen stages"
Explanation: "Stages" is a more formal and precise term to describe the individual parts of a process.
"catching the fish" -> "capturing the fish"
Explanation: "Capturing" is a more sophisticated alternative to "catching," enhancing the vocabulary choice.
"transported by boat" -> "transported via boat"
Explanation: "Via" adds a touch of formality and clarity to the sentence.
"fish are then stored and frozen" -> "fish are subsequently stored and frozen"
Explanation: "Subsequently" adds a temporal sequence, making the sentence clearer and more structured.
"thawed out the fresh water" -> "thawed in fresh water"
Explanation: "Thawed in" is a more precise phrasing for the process of defrosting.
"have their heads removed" -> "undergo head removal"
Explanation: "Undergo" implies a process, while "head removal" is more specific and formal than "have their heads removed."
"suitable pieces" -> "appropriate segments"
Explanation: "Segments" is a more precise term for parts of the fish, and "appropriate" conveys the idea of suitability more effectively.
"soaked in salty water with yellow couloring" -> "marinated in brine with yellow dye"
Explanation: "Marinated" is a more specific term for soaking food in a seasoned liquid, and "brine" is the correct term for salty water used in food preservation.
"The process continutes with being smoked" -> "The process proceeds with smoking"
Explanation: "Proceeds with smoking" is a more concise and formal way to describe the continuation of the process after marination.
"fozen products" -> "frozen products"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling from "fozen" to "frozen" ensures accuracy.
"zero degree centigrater" -> "zero degrees Celsius"
Explanation: Using "Celsius" instead of "centigrater" is the correct and more widely recognized term for temperature measurement.
"Subsequently, the fozen products are then kept" -> "Subsequently, the frozen products are then stored"
Explanation: Replacing "kept" with "stored" maintains consistency in vocabulary usage and clarity in meaning.
"cold store" -> "cold storage facility"
Explanation: "Storage facility" is a more descriptive term for a place where products are stored, enhancing clarity in the sentence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

[
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the task by describing the process of producing smoked fish, covering most of the key features. It provides an overview of the steps involved, from catching the fish to transporting the final products. However, some details are inaccurate or missing, such as the mention of freezing the fish twice (once in the port and once after smoking) and the unclear description of soaking the fish in salty water with yellow coloring. Additionally, the essay could be more cohesive and better organized.
How to improve: To improve, provide more accurate and detailed descriptions of each step in the process, ensuring clarity and coherence in the essay’s structure. Avoid unnecessary repetition and ensure that each detail contributes directly to the overall description of the process. Consider adding a concluding statement to summarize the process. ]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay presents a clear overview of the process of producing smoked fish, with a logical progression of steps outlined. There is an attempt to organize the information coherently, with each step of the process described sequentially. However, there are some cohesion issues within and between sentences, such as awkward phrasing and mechanical use of cohesive devices. For instance, the transition between steps could be smoother, and there are instances of repetitive language ("fish" is used multiple times in close succession). Additionally, there are minor grammatical errors ("frozen at zero degree centigrater"). Paragraphing is utilized, but there is room for improvement in logical paragraph structure.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on refining sentence structures for smoother transitions between ideas. Use a variety of cohesive devices more effectively to connect sentences and ideas, ensuring they contribute to the overall flow of the essay. Avoid repetitive language by employing synonyms or restructuring sentences. Proofread carefully to correct grammatical errors and ensure clarity. Also, consider reorganizing paragraphs to improve logical progression and coherence within the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, covering the essential steps of the process of producing smoked fish. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary such as "thawed out," "smoked," and "distributed," although there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For instance, "yellow couloring" should be corrected to "yellow coloring," and "fozen" should be corrected to "frozen." Additionally, some phrases could be expressed more precisely, such as "zero degree centigrater," which should be "zero degrees Celsius." Despite these errors, the vocabulary usage generally conveys the intended meaning without significant impediment to communication.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using more precise vocabulary and collocations. Be mindful of spelling and word formation, ensuring accuracy to avoid minor errors. Proofreading the essay for spelling and grammatical mistakes would enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, expanding the range of vocabulary used, particularly by incorporating more varied and specific terms related to the fish production process, can elevate the lexical sophistication of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, covering various steps involved in the production of smoked fish. There is an attempt to use a variety of structures, although some sentences lack complexity and are straightforward in structure. While there are errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, they do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Pay close attention to grammar and punctuation to minimize errors and improve overall clarity. Additionally, ensure consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram depicts the sequential stages involved in the production of smoked fish. Overall, the process encompasses thirteen steps, commencing with the capture of fish and concluding with the transportation of the final products to fish stores.

Initially, fish are captured using large nets at sea and subsequently transported back to the port by boat. Upon reaching the port, the fish are stored and frozen. Following this, they are thawed in fresh water and undergo the process of having their heads removed and being cut into suitable pieces. Prior to smoking, the fish are immersed in salty water containing yellow coloring.

The process proceeds with smoking the fish. Once smoked, they are then packed into boxes and frozen at zero degrees Celsius. Subsequently, the frozen products are stored in a cold facility before being distributed by trucks to fish stores for sale to customers.