The diagram below shows the process of recycling glass bottles.

The figure below offers a clear recycling process of glass bottles. In general, the ideal bottles witness three main stages, commencing with the collection of used items and culminating in their return to retail outlets for consumer acquisition.

Initiating the recycling process, depleted glass containers are first directed to a designated collection point before being transported to another stage by a lorry. Moving to the next step, the glass fragments undergo a meticulous cleansing process at a dedicated facility, followed by being sorted into three distinct categories based on their characteristics.

Having undergone meticulous separation, the bottles go through controlled thermal treatment in the furnace at the recycling facility for the sake of extracting recycled liquid glass. Subsequently, the new liquid glass is added to the resulting blend before mold shaping to prepare for later steps. At the end of the process, the ultimate products are all set to be consumed in the supermarkets to satisfy the demand of customers.

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Errors and Improvements:

"witness" -> "undergo"
Explanation: While "witness" can be used to describe observing events, "undergo" is a more appropriate term when describing the stages of a process, indicating that the bottles are actively experiencing these stages rather than merely being observed.
"culminating" -> "resulting"
Explanation: "Culminating" typically refers to reaching a climax or highest point, which may not accurately describe the final stage of the recycling process. "Resulting" is a better choice here as it signifies the outcome of the preceding stages.
"Initiating" -> "To initiate"
Explanation: Adding "to" before "initiate" makes the phrase more grammatically correct. It transforms the word into an infinitive verb, which fits better within the sentence structure.
"depleted" -> "used" or "empty"
Explanation: "Depleted" suggests exhaustion or depletion of resources, which may not be the most accurate term for glass bottles. "Used" or "empty" better convey that the bottles have been previously utilized.
"meticulous" -> "thorough"
Explanation: While "meticulous" means extremely careful and precise, "thorough" conveys a similar meaning in this context and is more commonly used.
"fragments" -> "pieces"
Explanation: While "fragments" can refer to small broken pieces, "pieces" is a more straightforward term in this context, avoiding potential confusion.
"controlled thermal treatment" -> "controlled heating process"
Explanation: "Controlled thermal treatment" is somewhat redundant since "thermal treatment" inherently implies control. "Controlled heating process" is simpler and clearer.
"furnace" -> "kiln"
Explanation: While "furnace" is not incorrect, "kiln" is a more specific term for a type of oven or furnace used for baking, drying, or firing materials, such as glass.
"recycled liquid glass" -> "molten glass"
Explanation: "Recycled liquid glass" is a bit awkward and redundant. "Molten glass" succinctly describes the state of the glass after heating.
"subsequently" -> "afterward"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is more formal and less commonly used in everyday language. "Afterward" is a simpler and more natural alternative.
"ultimate" -> "final"
Explanation: While "ultimate" can mean final, it often implies the best or most extreme, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Final" is a clearer and more precise term in this context.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by presenting a clear overview of the main stages involved in recycling glass bottles. It effectively outlines the process from collection to the final product. Key features such as collection, cleansing, sorting, thermal treatment, and retail distribution are highlighted and illustrated clearly.
How to improve: To enhance the score, the essay could extend the explanation of each stage with more specific details, such as quantities or timeframes involved in each step. Additionally, ensuring accuracy and relevance of details throughout the essay would further strengthen the response.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. Each stage of the recycling process is described in a sequential manner, allowing for a clear understanding of the process. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, aiding in the flow of the essay. Additionally, there is a clear central topic within each paragraph, with each paragraph focusing on a specific stage of the recycling process.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider incorporating more varied cohesive devices to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that paragraphing is consistently logical throughout the essay to maintain a smooth flow of information. Furthermore, providing transitions between paragraphs can help strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the recycling process effectively. The writer employs a variety of words related to the stages of recycling, such as "collection," "transported," "cleansing process," "separation," "thermal treatment," and "mold shaping." Additionally, there is an attempt to use less common lexical items like "depleted," "meticulous," and "acquisition," showcasing some awareness of style and collocation. The vocabulary usage allows for flexibility and precision in describing the process.

However, there are a few areas where the vocabulary could be enhanced to achieve a higher band score. For instance, instead of "ideal bottles," a more precise term like "glass containers" or "glass bottles" would be preferable. Furthermore, some phrases, such as "glass fragments undergo a meticulous cleansing process," could be refined for clarity and precision. Despite these minor inaccuracies, the essay effectively communicates the recycling process with a satisfactory range of vocabulary.

How to improve:
To improve lexical resource and aim for a higher band score, consider incorporating more varied vocabulary throughout the essay. Use synonyms or alternative expressions where appropriate to avoid repetition and add richness to the description. Pay attention to precision and clarity in word choice, ensuring that each term accurately conveys the intended meaning. Additionally, refine the use of less common lexical items to enhance sophistication while maintaining accuracy in collocation and style. Finally, proofread the essay carefully to correct any errors in word choice, spelling, or word formation that may detract from overall coherence and effectiveness.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of complex structures, such as subordinate clauses and participial phrases, enhancing the overall coherence and sophistication of the text. The sentences are predominantly error-free, contributing to clear communication of ideas. The control of grammar and punctuation is generally good, with occasional minor errors that do not significantly impede understanding.

How to improve: To further enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay. Additionally, consider refining punctuation usage for improved clarity and precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram illustrates the step-by-step process involved in recycling glass bottles. Overall, the recycling of glass bottles encompasses three primary stages, beginning with the collection of used bottles and concluding with their reintroduction into retail circulation.

To commence the recycling process, used glass bottles are initially gathered at designated collection points before being transported to the next stage via a lorry. Proceeding to the subsequent phase, the glass fragments undergo a thorough cleansing process at a specialized facility and are subsequently sorted into three distinct categories based on their properties.

Following meticulous separation, the bottles undergo controlled thermal treatment within the furnace of the recycling facility, aimed at extracting recycled liquid glass. Subsequently, the newly formed liquid glass is incorporated into the existing blend before being shaped into molds, preparing them for subsequent stages. Upon completion of the process, the finalized products are ready for consumption in supermarkets, meeting the demand of consumers.