The diagram below shows the production of olive oil. Summarise the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the production of olive oil.
Summarise the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The given diagram illustrates the production of olive oil.
Overall, there are a total of seven steps involved in the process of olive production. The process starts from the picking of olive from trees and ends with the storage and sale of the finished product.
It is clear that at the first stage of preliminary preparation, olives are harvested from olive trees by farmers. Next, these olives are washed clearly with cold water. Following this, olives are delivered to the belt. The subsequent step describes that these olives are smashed by specialised machines to create olive paste and olive stones which are removed.
The second stage is packaging and selling the finished products. The olive paste is placed in a type of bag with holes before being put through a pressing machine. In the following step, water is separated from oil. Finally, the process ends when the olive oil is delivered and sold for customers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "starts from the picking of olive from trees" -> "begins with the harvesting of olives from trees"
   Explanation: "Harvesting" is a more precise and formal term than "picking," and "begins with" adds variety to the language and sounds more sophisticated than "starts from."

2. "washed clearly with cold water" -> "thoroughly washed with cold water"
   Explanation: "Thoroughly" emphasizes the completeness of the washing process, enhancing clarity and precision in describing the procedure.

3. "are smashed" -> "are crushed"
   Explanation: "Crushed" is a more precise term for breaking down olives into paste, providing a clearer description of the action.

4. "a type of bag with holes" -> "a perforated bag"
   Explanation: "Perforated" is a more specific term that describes a bag with holes, adding precision and clarity to the description.

5. "water is separated from oil" -> "oil is separated from water"
   Explanation: This change corrects the sequence of the separation process to reflect the standard procedure of separating oil from water in olive oil production.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main stages involved in the production of olive oil. The essay describes the process from the picking of olives to the packaging and selling of the finished product. Key features such as washing the olives, smashing them to create paste, and separating water from oil are highlighted.

How to improve:
To improve the score, the essay could provide more detailed descriptions of each stage of the process. Additionally, including quantitative information, such as the quantities of olives processed or the volume of oil produced, would enhance the depth of analysis and better fulfill the criteria for a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes the information by clearly presenting the seven steps involved in the production of olive oil. There is a clear progression from the initial harvesting of olives to the final stage of delivering and selling the olive oil. Each paragraph focuses on a specific stage of the process, demonstrating a clear central topic within each paragraph. Additionally, cohesive devices such as transitional phrases ("Next," "Following this," "The subsequent step") are used effectively to indicate the sequence of events. Paragraphing is sufficiently employed, with each stage of the process separated into distinct paragraphs.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that referencing within and between sentences is clearer and more consistent to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. There is usage of less common lexical items such as "harvested," "smashed," and "separated," which adds variety to the vocabulary. Additionally, the essay shows awareness of style and collocation by using phrases like "preliminary preparation" and "specialised machines." However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "washed clearly" (should be "washed with cold water") and "washed with cold water" (should be "washed with cold water"). Overall, the vocabulary allows for a clear understanding of the process of olive oil production.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, pay closer attention to word choice and collocation to avoid occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to enhance precision and sophistication in language use.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There is an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, such as compound and complex sentences, although some sentences remain simple. The essay effectively communicates the main features of the olive oil production process. Grammar and punctuation errors are present but do not significantly hinder communication.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, strive for greater variety in sentence structures, incorporating more complex sentences consistently throughout the essay. Additionally, careful proofreading to address grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes will enhance clarity and precision in conveying ideas.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram illustrates the production process of olive oil. In total, seven distinct steps are involved in this process, commencing with the harvesting of olives from trees and culminating in the storage and sale of the final product.

Initially, olives are harvested from olive trees by farmers as part of the preliminary preparation stage. Subsequently, these olives undergo a thorough washing with cold water. Following this, the olives are conveyed to a belt, where specialized machines are employed to crush them, yielding olive paste and removing olive stones.

The subsequent stage involves the packaging and sale of the finished products. The olive paste is contained within a bag with perforations before being subjected to a pressing machine. In the ensuing step, water is separated from the oil. Ultimately, the process concludes with the delivery and sale of the olive oil to customers.