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The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminum cans. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the recycling process of aluminum cans.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The process of recycling cans made from aluminum is depicted in the given diagram.

As can be seen in the provided diagram, five steps are conducted in one recycling process beginning with collecting used cans and finishing with reusing.

To begin with, used aluminum cans are thrown in the rubbish bin by residents and then collected through a recycling car in order to be moved to a suitable place for cleaning and sorting out. In this stage, cans are cleaned thoroughly so as to dispose of all impurities viz specks of dirt or other harmful contaminants. Next, fresh cans are separated belonging to different types, followed by being cut into small pieces and then ground into powder.

After the two above stages, the powder aluminum is put into a specific machine for heating and melting, subsequently rolling is generated, whose thickness is 2.5mm-6mm. From the rolling, the following steps, recycled cans are manufactured and then printed in various names of soft drinks. Finally, they are delivered to consumers in the UK, which contain about 74% original aluminum.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "used aluminum cans are thrown in the rubbish bin" -> "discarded aluminum cans are disposed of in the waste receptacle"
    Explanation: Replacing "thrown in the rubbish bin" with "discarded aluminum cans are disposed of in the waste receptacle" employs a more formal and precise vocabulary, enhancing the overall description of the recycling process.

  2. "moved to a suitable place for cleaning and sorting out" -> "transported to a designated facility for thorough cleaning and sorting"
    Explanation: Substituting "moved to a suitable place for cleaning and sorting out" with "transported to a designated facility for thorough cleaning and sorting" maintains clarity while utilizing a more sophisticated language, contributing to a more polished expression.

  3. "dispose of all impurities viz specks of dirt" -> "eliminate any impurities, such as particles of dirt"
    Explanation: Replacing "dispose of all impurities viz specks of dirt" with "eliminate any impurities, such as particles of dirt" not only clarifies the intended meaning but also introduces a higher level of precision and formality in the vocabulary.

  4. "fresh cans are separated belonging to different types" -> "newly collected cans are categorized based on their types"
    Explanation: Substituting "fresh cans are separated belonging to different types" with "newly collected cans are categorized based on their types" maintains the flow of the sentence while using more accurate and advanced terminology.

  5. "cut into small pieces and then ground into powder" -> "fragmented into small pieces and subsequently pulverized into powder"
    Explanation: Replacing "cut into small pieces and then ground into powder" with "fragmented into small pieces and subsequently pulverized into powder" introduces a more precise and technical vocabulary, elevating the description of the recycling process.

  6. "the powder aluminum is put into a specific machine for heating and melting" -> "the powdered aluminum is introduced into a specialized apparatus for heating and melting"
    Explanation: Substituting "the powder aluminum is put into a specific machine for heating and melting" with "the powdered aluminum is introduced into a specialized apparatus for heating and melting" maintains accuracy and sophistication, offering a more refined expression.

  7. "recycled cans are manufactured and then printed in various names of soft drinks" -> "the recycled cans undergo manufacturing and are subsequently adorned with labels featuring various soft drink brands"
    Explanation: Replacing "recycled cans are manufactured and then printed in various names of soft drinks" with "the recycled cans undergo manufacturing and are subsequently adorned with labels featuring various soft drink brands" provides a more detailed and precise description of the final stages of the recycling process.

  8. "which contain about 74% original aluminum" -> "containing approximately 74% of the original aluminum"
    Explanation: Changing "which contain about 74% original aluminum" to "containing approximately 74% of the original aluminum" enhances the precision of the statement and ensures grammatical correctness.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing a clear overview of the main stages in the recycling process of aluminum cans. It adequately presents and highlights key features and bullet points, such as the collection, cleaning, sorting, and melting stages. The progression of the recycling process is well-organized and logically presented.

How to improve:
To improve and reach a higher band score, consider extending the explanation of each stage to provide more depth and detail. Additionally, ensure that the language used is precise and accurate, avoiding any vague or ambiguous statements. The essay is well-structured, but enhancing the clarity and complexity of the descriptions can contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with clear progression throughout. The introduction succinctly introduces the recycling process, and the subsequent paragraphs follow a chronological order of the steps involved. The use of cohesive devices, such as transition words like "To begin with" and "Next," contributes to the overall coherence. Additionally, there is a clear central topic within each paragraph, focusing on specific stages of the recycling process. However, there is room for improvement in the appropriate use of cohesive devices, as some sentences could benefit from more seamless connections.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, strive for a more varied use of cohesive devices. While the essay generally progresses logically, ensuring that the connection between sentences is smoother will contribute to a higher score. Consider employing a wider range of linking words and phrases to establish a seamless flow between ideas. Additionally, be cautious of minor issues in sentence structure and coherence within and between sentences. Overall, maintaining this level of organization and refining the use of cohesive devices will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using words such as "depicted," "conducted," "disposed of," and "impurities." The writer also attempts to convey precise meanings and shows some awareness of style and collocation by using phrases like "viz specks of dirt" and "rolling is generated." Additionally, the essay effectively summarizes the key stages of the recycling process. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "recycling car" instead of "recycling truck" or "rolling is generated" which could be improved for better accuracy. Overall, the vocabulary is varied, and the writer has a satisfactory control of lexical features.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource, the writer could focus on refining word choice and collocation. For instance, using more accurate terms like "recycling truck" instead of "recycling car" and rephrasing "rolling is generated" for better precision. Additionally, attention to detail in choosing words can enhance the overall lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at utilizing a mix of simple and complex sentence forms. There’s an effort to include a variety of structures and transition between different stages of the recycling process. However, there are frequent grammatical errors throughout the text, impacting clarity and accuracy. These errors, while not severely impeding overall communication, create some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining sentence structures for clarity. Work on ensuring subject-verb agreement, proper tense usage, and accurate punctuation. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence construction could significantly improve the accuracy and overall readability of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram illustrates the sequential stages involved in the recycling process of aluminum cans.

Introduction:
The process of recycling aluminum cans involves a series of five essential steps, commencing with the collection of used cans and concluding with their reuse.

Overview:
The recycling journey initiates with residents discarding used aluminum cans into designated bins. Subsequently, a recycling vehicle collects these cans, transporting them to a facility for thorough cleaning and sorting. This initial stage aims to eliminate impurities such as dirt and contaminants. Following this, the cans are categorized by type, then undergo cutting into small fragments and further grinding into a powder form.

Detailed Paragraphs:

  1. Cleaning and Sorting:
    In the cleaning and sorting phase, meticulous efforts are made to rid the aluminum cans of any impurities. This meticulous cleaning process is crucial to ensure the removal of dirt and harmful contaminants. Once cleaned, the cans are sorted based on their types, preparing them for the subsequent processing steps.

  2. Fragmentation and Grinding:
    The next crucial steps involve the fragmentation and grinding of the aluminum cans. Post-sorting, the cans are cut into smaller pieces and then ground into a fine powder. This transformation is fundamental to facilitate the subsequent stages of the recycling process.

  3. Heating, Melting, and Rolling:
    The powdered aluminum is introduced into a specialized machine for heating and melting. Subsequently, rolling occurs, generating sheets with a thickness ranging from 2.5mm to 6mm. This stage is pivotal in shaping the recycled aluminum into usable forms for manufacturing.

  4. Manufacturing and Printing:
    Following the rolling process, recycled aluminum is employed in the manufacturing of new cans. These cans are subsequently printed with the branding of various soft drink names. This phase marks the conversion of recycled aluminum into consumer-ready products.

  5. Consumer Delivery:
    In the final stage, the manufactured and printed cans are delivered to consumers in the UK. Notably, these cans retain approximately 74% of their original aluminum content, underlining the efficiency of the recycling process in preserving the material.

In conclusion, the diagram elucidates the intricate process of transforming used aluminum cans into reusable products, emphasizing the importance of cleaning, sorting, and various manufacturing stages.

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