The diagram below shows two different processes for manufacturing black tea.

The diagram illustrates the method used to manufacture black tea. Overall inconsistent five steps for both methods, beginning with the harvesting of fresh tea leaves and ending with the removal of water. Firstly, only button into quality leaps are handpicked in order to achieve good flavor. The whispering process plays when lips are played on a rack for air to pass through. Simultaneously, 60% of the moisture is removed. Applying the traditional method, the leaves are flat and broken. This happens to be released from the leaves, creating loose tea. On the other hand, the wooden method involves cutting and curling the lips. The smaller granola pieces I do all 40 bags and produce tea in a less time-consuming process. The next step is spreading lips on either tiles or salmon to create a create a faster environment for enzymes to make contact with air. After the oxidation step, lips color is now brownish and purple-like. Finally flavor in a Roma I released for the lips in the drawing step. Hitting devices also eliminate 97% of moisture in the lips, making them dried and long-lasting for commercial consumption.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram illustrates the method used to manufacture black tea." -> "The diagram depicts the process of black tea production."
Explanation: "Depicts" is more precise and formal than "illustrates," and "process of black tea production" is a more accurate and formal term than "method used to manufacture."
"Overall inconsistent five steps for both methods" -> "The overall process involves five distinct steps for both methods"
Explanation: "Inconsistent" is incorrect here; "distinct" is the correct term to describe separate steps. Also, "the overall process involves" is clearer and more formal than "overall inconsistent five steps."
"button into quality leaps" -> "selecting high-quality leaves"
Explanation: "Button into quality leaps" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "Selecting high-quality leaves" is grammatically correct and more precise.
"whispering process plays when lips are played on a rack" -> "the drying process occurs when the leaves are spread on a rack"
Explanation: "Whispering process" is vague and incorrect; "drying process" is the correct term. "Played" is also incorrect; "spread" is the correct verb for this context.
"Simultaneously, 60% of the moisture is removed." -> "Concurrently, 60% of the moisture is removed."
Explanation: "Simultaneously" is correct but less formal; "concurrently" is more academic and precise.
"Applying the traditional method, the leaves are flat and broken." -> "Using the traditional method, the leaves are flattened and broken."
Explanation: "Applying" is too vague; "using" is more specific. "Flattened" is a more precise verb than "flat."
"This happens to be released from the leaves, creating loose tea." -> "This process releases loose tea from the leaves."
Explanation: "This happens to be released" is awkward and unclear; "This process releases" is direct and clear.
"The smaller granola pieces I do all 40 bags" -> "The smaller granola pieces fill all 40 bags"
Explanation: "I do" is incorrect and informal; "fill" is the correct verb for describing the action of putting granola into bags.
"produce tea in a less time-consuming process" -> "produce tea more quickly"
Explanation: "In a less time-consuming process" is awkward and verbose; "more quickly" is concise and clear.
"spreading lips on either tiles or salmon" -> "spreading the leaves on either tiles or trays"
Explanation: "Lips" is incorrect; "leaves" is the correct term. "Salmon" is also incorrect; "trays" is the correct term.
"create a create a faster environment" -> "create a faster environment"
Explanation: "Create a create a" is redundant; removing the duplicate "create" corrects the grammatical error.
"lips color is now brownish and purple-like" -> "the leaves’ color has turned brownish and purple-like"
Explanation: "Lips color" is incorrect; "the leaves’ color" is the correct subject. "Has turned" is more precise than "is now."
"Roma I released for the lips in the drawing step" -> "tea is released in the drying step"
Explanation: "Roma I released for the lips" is unclear and grammatically incorrect; "tea is released in the drying step" is clear and correct.
"Hitting devices also eliminate 97% of moisture" -> "drying devices also eliminate 97% of moisture"
Explanation: "Hitting devices" is incorrect; "drying devices" is the correct term.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task and provides a basic overview of the two processes. However, the essay lacks a clear and concise overview of the main trends or differences between the two methods. The essay also presents some inaccurate information, such as the statement that the modern method produces tea in a less time-consuming process.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends and differences between the two methods. The essay should also be more accurate in its description of the processes. For example, the essay should state that the modern method produces tea bags, while the traditional method produces loose tea. The essay should also avoid using informal language, such as "smaller granola pieces."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay presents information and ideas, but they are not arranged coherently, and there is no clear progression in the response. The use of cohesive devices is basic and often inaccurate, leading to confusion in understanding the processes described. For example, phrases like "the whispering process plays when lips are played on a rack" and "the smaller granola pieces I do all 40 bags" are unclear and do not logically connect with the preceding or following sentences. Additionally, the essay lacks effective paragraphing, which further complicates the reader’s ability to follow the information presented.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas logically and ensuring that each paragraph presents a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices correctly will help create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Additionally, revising for clarity and accuracy in language will improve overall understanding. Finally, structuring the essay into distinct paragraphs for each step of the process will aid in presenting information more effectively.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the processes involved in manufacturing black tea, there are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "button into quality leaps" instead of "button into quality leaves," and "whispering process" instead of "withering process." These inaccuracies hinder clarity and precision. Additionally, there are frequent spelling mistakes (e.g., "lips" instead of "leaves," "granola pieces" instead of "granular pieces") that may cause difficulty for the reader. The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking sophistication and variety.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay should incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, while ensuring accuracy in word choice and spelling. The writer should focus on using precise terminology relevant to the topic, such as "withering" instead of "whispering," and ensure that all terms are correctly spelled and appropriately used. Additionally, improving the overall coherence and structure of the essay will enhance clarity and make it easier for the reader to follow the processes described.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a very limited range of grammatical structures, with frequent errors that significantly impede understanding. While there are attempts to use complex sentences, they are often inaccurate, leading to confusion about the processes described. For example, phrases like "only button into quality leaps" and "the whispering process plays when lips are played" contain errors that distort meaning. Additionally, punctuation is faulty, which further complicates the reader’s ability to follow the information presented.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:

Sentence Structure: Practice using a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences, to convey ideas more clearly.
Grammar and Vocabulary: Review and correct common grammatical errors, and ensure that vocabulary is used accurately. For instance, "lips" should be "leaves," and "granola" should be "granule."
Punctuation: Improve punctuation usage to clarify meaning and enhance readability.
Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay to catch and correct errors before submission, ensuring that the final draft is coherent and logically structured.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the method used to manufacture black tea. Overall, there are five distinct steps for both methods, beginning with the harvesting of fresh tea leaves and ending with the removal of moisture. Firstly, only the best quality leaves are handpicked in order to achieve optimal flavor. The withering process occurs when the leaves are placed on a rack to allow air to circulate. Simultaneously, 60% of the moisture is removed.

In the traditional method, the leaves are flattened and broken, which releases essential oils from the leaves, creating loose tea. On the other hand, the wooden method involves cutting and curling the leaves. The smaller granules produced yield tea in a less time-consuming process. The next step involves spreading the leaves on either tiles or bamboo mats to create a favorable environment for enzymes to interact with the air.

After the oxidation step, the leaves take on a brownish and purplish hue. Finally, flavor and aroma are released from the leaves during the drying stage. Heating devices also eliminate 97% of moisture in the leaves, making them dry and suitable for commercial consumption.