The diagram details the process of making smoked fish

The picture describe the steps involved in the production of smoked fish.
Overall, the process comprises a number of steps, beginning with fishing and ending with the final products being transported to fish store.
At the beginning of the process, fish are caught by a large nets out at the sea, after which they are transported by boat back to the port where they are stored and fozen. Subsequently, the fish are thawed out in fresh water and then have their heads removed and cut into suitable pieces. Then, the fish are put in salty with yellow couloring before being smoked.
The process continues with the fish have been smoked, and then packaged into boxes and then frozen at zero degree centigrater. Finally, the frozen products are then kept in a cold store before they are distributed by truch to fish stores and ready to be sold to customers.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"The picture describe" -> "The picture depicts"
Explanation: "Describe" is a verb, while "depicts" is more fitting here as it specifically refers to portraying or illustrating something visually.
"comprises a number of steps" -> "comprises several steps"
Explanation: "Number" is a generic term, while "several" is more precise and implies a quantity without specifying an exact count.
"by a large nets" -> "by large nets"
Explanation: "A large nets" is incorrect because "nets" is a plural noun. "By large nets" is the correct usage.
"where they are stored and fozen" -> "where they are stored and frozen"
Explanation: "Fozen" is a misspelling of "frozen."
"Subsequently, the fish are thawed out" -> "Subsequently, the fish are thawed"
Explanation: "Thawed out" is redundant. "Thawed" alone suffices to convey the meaning of the process.
"then have their heads removed" -> "then have their heads severed"
Explanation: "Removed" is basic; "severed" adds precision and sophistication, indicating a complete detachment.
"put in salty with yellow couloring" -> "immersed in a saline solution with yellow coloring"
Explanation: "Put in salty" lacks clarity and precision. "Immersed in a saline solution" is more explicit and professional.
"continues with the fish have been smoked" -> "continues with the smoked fish"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks grammatical clarity. Simplifying to "continues with the smoked fish" enhances readability and coherence.
"then packaged into boxes" -> "then packaged in boxes"
Explanation: "Into" is generally used when movement or transformation is involved. "In" is more appropriate for describing the container where something is placed.
"frozen at zero degree centigrater" -> "frozen at zero degrees Celsius"
Explanation: "Centigrater" is misspelled. "Celsius" is the correct term for measuring temperature.
"cold store" -> "cold storage facility"
Explanation: "Cold store" is less formal and specific compared to "cold storage facility," which accurately describes a place where items are kept refrigerated.
"distributed by truch" -> "distributed by truck"
Explanation: "Truch" is a misspelling of "truck."
"ready to be sold to customers" -> "ready for sale to customers"
Explanation: "Sold to customers" is basic; "ready for sale to customers" is slightly more formal and precise, emphasizing the readiness of the products for purchase.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the process of making smoked fish. It covers some key stages of the process, such as fishing, thawing, cutting, smoking, packaging, freezing, and distribution. However, the description lacks clarity and coherence in some parts, with inaccuracies and irrelevant details present. For instance, there is mention of "salty with yellow couloring" which is unclear and possibly inaccurate. Additionally, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that detract from the clarity of the description.

How to improve: To improve the score, focus on providing a clearer and more accurate description of each stage of the process. Use precise language and avoid irrelevant details. Ensure that the essay is well-structured and coherent, with proper grammar and punctuation. Additionally, provide more specific information about the process, such as time frames or quantities involved, to enhance the overall clarity and completeness of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4

Explanation:
The essay attempts to describe the process of making smoked fish, but it lacks coherence and cohesion in several aspects. The essay lacks a clear structure, with ideas presented in a somewhat disjointed manner. There is a lack of logical progression, as the steps in the process are not clearly delineated. Additionally, there are errors in cohesion, with some sentences lacking clear connections to each other. The use of cohesive devices is basic and sometimes inaccurate, contributing to the overall lack of coherence. Furthermore, the essay lacks effective paragraphing, with ideas poorly organized and transitions between paragraphs lacking clarity.

How to improve:

Structure: Organize the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing each step of the process in logical order, and a conclusion summarizing the process.
Cohesion: Ensure that sentences flow logically from one to the next, using appropriate transitional phrases and cohesive devices to connect ideas.
Clarity: Clearly articulate each step of the process, avoiding vague language and ensuring that the reader can easily follow the sequence of events.
Paragraphing: Divide the essay into paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the process. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s main idea and maintain coherence within paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition and minimal variety. While it adequately describes the steps involved in the process of making smoked fish, the vocabulary used is basic and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, such as "frozen" misspelled as "fozen," "salty with yellow couloring" instead of "salt brine," and "truch" instead of "truck." These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the essay should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary with more precision and accuracy. Avoid repetition and strive to incorporate more descriptive and specific terms related to the process of making smoked fish. Additionally, pay closer attention to spelling and word formation to enhance clarity and readability. Reviewing the vocabulary related to the topic and practicing writing with varied expressions can help enhance lexical sophistication and accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:

The essay attempts to use a variety of structures, including simple and complex sentences, but there are several grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout.
There is an attempt to use complex sentences, such as "At the beginning of the process, fish are caught by a large nets out at the sea, after which they are transported by boat back to the port where they are stored and fozen." However, these sentences are less accurate and contain errors, such as "a large nets" instead of "large nets" and "fozen" instead of "frozen."
There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, such as "the fish have been smoked" instead of "the fish are smoked" and "the fish have been smoked" instead of "the fish are smoked."
Punctuation is also faulty in several places, such as missing commas and incorrect use of capitalization ("Subsequently, the fish are thawed out in fresh water and then have their heads removed and cut into suitable pieces.")

How to improve:

To improve, focus on using a wider range of sentence structures and ensuring accuracy in grammar and punctuation.
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, singular/plural nouns, and the correct use of articles.
Review the use of prepositions and conjunctions to connect ideas more effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the stages involved in the production of smoked fish.

Overall, the process consists of several steps, commencing with the fishing activity and concluding with the transportation of the final products to fish stores.

Initially, fish are captured using large nets deployed in the sea. Subsequently, they are conveyed back to the port via boat where they are stored and frozen. Following this, the fish undergo a thawing process in fresh water and then undergo decapitation and sectioning into appropriate pieces. Subsequent to this preparation, the fish are immersed in a salty solution with yellow coloring before undergoing smoking.

The process advances with the smoking of the fish, followed by their packaging into boxes and freezing at zero degrees Celsius. Finally, the frozen products are stored in a cold facility before being distributed by truck to fish stores for sale to consumers.