The diagram details the process of making smoked fish. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram details the process of making smoked fish.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make
comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates the process of producing smoked fish.
There are total third-teenth stages in the process. Beginning with catching fish and ends by selling these fish in marketplaces.
At the beginning of the process, fish are caught directly from the water. Then, these fish are transported by boat to the port. After that, those raw materials have to be freeze and then thawed in fresh water. In the sixth step, head's fish are removed. And then their body are put in salt water mixed with yellow coloring chemical.
In the next stage, processed fish are smoked by the machine. In the nineth step, smoked fish are packed and then gotten freeze again in zero degree Celsius. In the following stage, these freeze fish are put in cold store. And then, the products are competed. In the twelfth step, smoked fish are distributed to the receivers. Finally, these products are sold in shop.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"total third-teenth stages" -> "a total of thirteen stages"
Explanation: "Third-teenth" is not a standard numerical term. Replacing it with "thirteen" maintains clarity and correctness.
"ends by selling these fish in marketplaces" -> "culminates in selling these fish in marketplaces"
Explanation: "Ends by" is grammatically incorrect. "Culminates in" is a more precise and formal way to express the conclusion of the process.
"At the beginning of the process" -> "Initially"
Explanation: "At the beginning of the process" is slightly redundant. "Initially" succinctly conveys the same meaning.
"have to be freeze" -> "must be frozen"
Explanation: "Have to be freeze" lacks proper verb tense and usage. "Must be frozen" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"freeze and then thawed" -> "frozen and then thawed"
Explanation: "Freeze and then thawed" lacks parallelism. "Frozen and then thawed" maintains consistency in verb form.
"In the sixth step, head’s fish are removed" -> "In the sixth step, the fish heads are removed"
Explanation: "Head’s fish" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "The fish heads" is the correct noun phrase.
"And then their body are put" -> "And then their bodies are placed"
Explanation: "Body are put" is grammatically incorrect. "Bodies are placed" is a more appropriate phrase.
"mixed with yellow coloring chemical" -> "mixed with yellow coloring agent"
Explanation: "Yellow coloring chemical" is imprecise and awkward. "Yellow coloring agent" is a more suitable term.
"In the nineth step" -> "In the ninth step"
Explanation: "Nineth" is misspelled. "Ninth" is the correct spelling.
"gotten freeze again" -> "frozen again"
Explanation: "Gotten freeze again" is grammatically incorrect. "Frozen again" is a more concise and appropriate phrase.
"In the following stage" -> "Subsequently"
Explanation: "In the following stage" is slightly repetitive. "Subsequently" is a more sophisticated alternative.
"these freeze fish" -> "these frozen fish"
Explanation: "Freeze fish" is grammatically incorrect. "Frozen fish" is the correct phrase.
"products are competed" -> "products are completed"
Explanation: "Competed" is incorrect in this context. "Completed" is the appropriate term to indicate finished products.
"smoked fish are distributed to the receivers" -> "smoked fish are distributed to the recipients"
Explanation: "Receivers" is not the most precise term here. "Recipients" accurately conveys the idea of those who receive the fish.
"Finally, these products are sold in shop" -> "Finally, these products are sold in shops"
Explanation: "Shop" should be pluralized to match the plural form of "products."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by summarizing the process of making smoked fish. It provides an overview of the main stages involved, such as catching fish, transportation, processing, smoking, packaging, distribution, and sale. However, there are several inaccuracies and inconsistencies in the description, such as mentioning "third-teenth stages" instead of "thirteen stages", incorrect grammar ("total third-teenth stages"), and inaccuracies in the description of some steps (e.g., mentioning "freeze and then thawed in fresh water" without clarifying the purpose of thawing). Additionally, some steps lack clarity and specificity, such as "processed fish are smoked by the machine" without specifying the smoking method or duration. Overall, while the essay provides a basic overview of the process, it lacks detail, clarity, and precision.

How to improve:
To improve the essay, focus on providing accurate and specific descriptions of each stage in the process. Use appropriate vocabulary and grammar to convey information clearly. Avoid inaccuracies and inconsistencies in descriptions, and ensure that each step is clearly explained. Additionally, consider organizing the information logically and sequentially to enhance coherence and readability.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay presents the main stages of the process of making smoked fish, but the organization is somewhat chaotic, lacking clear progression. There is a mix of present and past tense usage throughout the essay, which affects the coherence. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is limited, with some inaccuracies and repetition. The lack of clear paragraphing contributes to the overall confusion in the structure of the essay.
How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, the essay should follow a more logical sequence of the process, using cohesive devices to connect ideas more effectively. Clear paragraphing should be employed to separate different stages of the process, aiding readability and organization. Additionally, maintaining a consistent tense throughout the essay would enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some errors in word choice and word formation. The essay attempts to describe the process of making smoked fish but lacks precision and clarity due to language errors and inaccuracies. Some technical terms are used, but they are not consistently accurate. Additionally, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation throughout the essay, which may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the content.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more precise and appropriate language for describing the process. They should strive for accuracy in word choice, spelling, and word formation. Reviewing the terminology related to fish processing and using it correctly would enhance the clarity and coherence of the essay. Additionally, practicing writing tasks with attention to vocabulary range and accuracy will help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt at using a variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there are notable errors in grammar and punctuation throughout the essay, which detract from its clarity and coherence. For example, "total third-teenth stages" should be "thirteen stages," "these freeze fish" should be "these frozen fish," and "the products are competed" should be "the products are completed." Additionally, there are inaccuracies in word choice and sentence structure, such as "the products are competed," which may confuse the reader.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on enhancing sentence structures by incorporating a wider variety of complex sentences. Additionally, careful attention should be paid to grammar and punctuation to ensure clarity and coherence. Proofreading and editing for errors in word choice and sentence structure are essential to enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, expanding vocabulary and using more precise terminology related to the process of making smoked fish would further improve the essay’s effectiveness.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram outlines the process involved in the production of smoked fish, comprising thirteen stages from catching the fish to their sale in marketplaces.

To commence, fish are initially captured directly from the water, then transported by boat to the port. Subsequently, the raw materials undergo freezing and thawing in fresh water. Following this, the heads of the fish are removed, and their bodies are immersed in a saltwater solution mixed with yellow coloring chemical.

Moving on to the subsequent stage, the processed fish are subjected to smoking by machinery. Following this, the smoked fish are packaged and once again frozen at zero degrees Celsius. They are then transferred to a cold storage facility, after which they are considered ready for distribution. Finally, the smoked fish are distributed to recipients and sold in shops.