The diagram shows how rainwater is collected for the use of drinking water in an Australian town. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features of the graph and make comparisons where relevant.

The illustration indicates the collection process of rainwater for the purpose of making drinkable water in an Australian town. Overall, the process begins with houses storing rain and ends with water that people can drink, provided by the tap. This is archieved by filtering rainwater, which can be sterilized into edible product.
The procedure starts with saving rainwater by absorbent house-shaped facilities, after which the liquid flows into the underground drain. The stream is sieved by a water filter to remove unwanted substances before running into a storage.
The next step of the process is to transfer this liquid into a container that has chemical compound flowing from the top. The solution after reaction which is available for use is delivered back to the housing system, where water supplying for citizens can be taken from.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"archieved" -> "achieved"
Explanation: "Archieved" is a misspelling of "achieved." Using the correct spelling maintains clarity and professionalism in the essay.
"edible product" -> "potable water"
Explanation: While "edible product" technically conveys the idea of water suitable for drinking, "potable water" is a more precise and commonly used term in discussions of water safety and quality.
"absorbent house-shaped facilities" -> "residential structures equipped with rainwater harvesting systems"
Explanation: "Absorbent house-shaped facilities" is somewhat vague and lacks specificity. "Residential structures equipped with rainwater harvesting systems" provides a clearer description of the structures involved in collecting rainwater.
"sieved" -> "filtered"
Explanation: While "sieved" technically means to pass something through a sieve to remove impurities, "filtered" is a more common and appropriate term in the context of water purification processes.
"container that has chemical compound flowing from the top" -> "vessel containing a chemical solution introduced from above"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat awkward and unclear. "Vessel containing a chemical solution introduced from above" provides a clearer description of the container involved in the process.
"solution after reaction which is available for use" -> "resulting solution suitable for consumption"
Explanation: The original phrase is verbose and slightly awkward. "Resulting solution suitable for consumption" is more concise and clearer in conveying the idea of the processed water being safe for drinking.
"delivered back to the housing system" -> "returned to the residential water supply system"
Explanation: "Delivered back to the housing system" is somewhat informal and lacks precision. "Returned to the residential water supply system" provides a clearer description of where the processed water is directed.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay adequately addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the rainwater collection process in the Australian town. It covers the main stages of the process, including rainwater storage, filtration, and delivery to households. Key features such as the use of absorbent facilities, filtration, and chemical treatment are highlighted, though some details are lacking in clarity and depth.

How to improve:
To improve, provide more specific details about the filtration and chemical treatment processes. Additionally, ensure clarity and coherence in explaining the steps involved in the rainwater collection process. Avoid vague language and provide precise descriptions of each stage.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, starting with an overview of the process and then detailing each step. However, there is a lack of overall progression, as some steps are mentioned without clear connection or transition. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate, with some sentences lacking clear connections to each other. Additionally, there is repetition in phrases like "rainwater" and "water" without effective referencing or substitution. The essay does utilize paragraphing, but it could be improved for better logical flow.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on maintaining a clear progression throughout the essay. Ensure that each sentence contributes to the overall flow of ideas, using cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs logically. Avoid repetitive language by using synonyms or pronouns where appropriate. Additionally, consider revising paragraph structure to enhance logical organization and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
This essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary such as "absorbent," "sieved," and "chemical compound." However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation that hinder fluency and precision. For instance, "archieved" should be "achieved," and "edible product" could be more precisely replaced with "potable water" or "drinking water." There are also errors in word formation and spelling, such as "sterilized" instead of "sterilizing" or "sterilization," and "water supplying" instead of "water supply."

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with more accuracy and precision. Pay attention to word choice and collocation to convey meanings more fluently. Additionally, work on word formation and spelling to minimize errors that can impede communication. Consider using synonyms and more specific terms related to the processes described in the essay, such as "purifying rainwater" instead of "filtering rainwater" or "chemical treatment" instead of "chemical compound flowing from the top."

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, including the use of subordinate clauses ("which can be sterilized into edible product," "after which the liquid flows into the underground drain," "The solution after reaction which is available for use is delivered back to the housing system"). However, there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay. For example, "This is archieved" should be "This is achieved," and "water supplying for citizens can be taken from" could be clearer with revised phrasing.

How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should aim for clearer sentence structures and strive for accuracy in grammar and punctuation. Proofreading for errors and revising ambiguous phrases can help improve overall clarity and precision in communication. Additionally, expanding the range of complex structures used and ensuring consistent accuracy in grammar and punctuation would further elevate the essay’s score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram illustrates the process of rainwater collection for potable water usage in an Australian municipality. In essence, the process commences with residential rainwater storage and culminates in accessible drinking water via taps. This is achieved through rainwater filtration and subsequent sterilization.

The procedure initiates with the capture of rainwater by absorbent structures resembling houses, from which the liquid flows into underground drains. Subsequently, the stream undergoes filtration to eliminate impurities before being directed into storage facilities.

Following this, the liquid is transferred into a container equipped with a chemical compound inlet. The resultant solution, post-reaction, becomes available for consumption and is reintegrated into the residential water supply system, from which citizens can draw potable water.