The diagram shows how to make jam from fruit.

The picture describes how jam is produced.

It is noticeable that the process comprises a number of steps, staring from washing 4 kg of fruit with water and ending with serving the jam at family breakfast.

At the beginning stage of the procedure, 4 kg of fruit is washed with water from a tap, before being transferred to a masher to mash the fruit, thereby producing jam. The jam that meets the standards is then mixed with a quarter cup of peanuts, a cup of water, and two tablespoons of peanuts to enhance the taste and cook at high temperatures for 10 minutes. Furthermore, the mixture is added two cups of sugar and two cups of water immediately, after which it is continued to cook for half an hour.

The next stage of the process involves pouring the jam into different containers, which are then sealed with lids and left to sit for one hour in order to cool. Finally, the resulting jam is served at family breakfast.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The picture describes how jam is produced." -> "The illustration depicts the process of jam production."
Explanation: "Depicts" is more precise and formal than "describes," and "the process of jam production" is a more specific and academic way to describe the content of the image.
"comprises a number of steps, staring from washing" -> "involves several steps, commencing with washing"
Explanation: "Involves" is more formal than "comprises," and "commencing with" is a more precise and formal way to indicate the beginning of a process.
"4 kg of fruit with water" -> "4 kilograms of fruit with water"
Explanation: "kilograms" should be plural to match the plural subject "fruit," and "kilograms" is more formal than "kg."
"ending with serving the jam at family breakfast" -> "concluding with serving the jam at family breakfasts"
Explanation: "Concluding" is more formal than "ending," and "breakfasts" is plural to match the generalization implied by "family."
"At the beginning stage of the procedure" -> "At the initial stage of the process"
Explanation: "Initial" is more precise and formal than "beginning," and "process" is a more academic term than "procedure."
"masher to mash the fruit" -> "masher to crush the fruit"
Explanation: "Crush" is a more specific and technical term than "mash" in the context of food processing.
"the jam that meets the standards" -> "the jam that meets the quality standards"
Explanation: Adding "quality" clarifies what type of standards are being referred to, enhancing the specificity and formality of the statement.
"a quarter cup of peanuts, a cup of water, and two tablespoons of peanuts" -> "a quarter cup of peanuts, a cup of water, and two tablespoons of peanut butter"
Explanation: The context suggests peanut butter, not peanuts, as an ingredient in the jam.
"cook at high temperatures for 10 minutes" -> "cook at high temperatures for ten minutes"
Explanation: "Ten" is the correct form for numbers in formal writing.
"The mixture is added two cups of sugar and two cups of water" -> "The mixture is then added two cups of sugar and two cups of water"
Explanation: "Then" clarifies the sequence of events, and "is added" should be "is then added" to maintain the correct tense and flow.
"continued to cook for half an hour" -> "continued cooking for half an hour"
Explanation: "Continued cooking" is more idiomatic and formal than "continued to cook."
"pouring the jam into different containers" -> "pouring the jam into various containers"
Explanation: "Various" is more formal and precise than "different," and aligns better with academic style.
"sealed with lids and left to sit for one hour" -> "sealed with lids and allowed to cool for one hour"
Explanation: "Allowed to cool" is a more precise and formal way to describe the action of letting the jam sit.
"The resulting jam is served at family breakfast" -> "The resulting jam is served at family breakfasts"
Explanation: "Breakfasts" should be plural to match the generalization implied by "family."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the process, and the information is recounted mechanically. The essay also focuses on details rather than key features.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the process, highlighting the key features of each stage. The essay should also avoid focusing on irrelevant details. For example, the essay mentions that the jam is served at family breakfast, but this is not a key feature of the process. The essay should focus on the steps involved in making the jam.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the jam-making process with some organization; however, it lacks a clear overall progression. The sequence of steps is somewhat logical, but the transitions between ideas are not always smooth, leading to a disjointed reading experience. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as the repetition of "peanuts" and "water" without clear referencing or substitution. Additionally, while the essay attempts to use paragraphs, the structure is not always logical, which could confuse the reader.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow of ideas by using clearer transitions between steps. Employing a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that references are clear and varied would also help. Structuring the essay into well-defined paragraphs that each focus on a specific stage of the process would improve clarity and organization.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it conveys the basic steps of the jam-making process, the vocabulary used is quite basic and repetitive (e.g., "washed," "mixed," "cooked"). There are noticeable errors in word choice and some awkward phrasing (e.g., "the jam that meets the standards" and "added two cups of sugar and two cups of water immediately"), which detract from clarity. Additionally, there are errors in spelling and word formation, such as "staring" instead of "starting," which may cause some difficulty for the reader.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including more specific and varied terms related to cooking and food preparation. Incorporating less common lexical items and ensuring accurate word choice and collocation would improve clarity and sophistication. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and grammatical errors would further strengthen the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they often lack accuracy and clarity. For example, phrases like "the mixture is added two cups of sugar" should be corrected to "the mixture is added with two cups of sugar." There are also some grammatical errors, such as "staring" instead of "starting" and "two tablespoons of peanuts" which appears to be a repetition. These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the process described.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate grammatical errors and improve punctuation will enhance clarity. Practicing the use of transitional phrases and ensuring that all elements of a sentence are correctly linked will also contribute to a more coherent and accurate essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The picture illustrates the process of jam production.

It is noticeable that the procedure consists of several steps, starting with washing 4 kg of fruit with water and concluding with serving the jam at a family breakfast.

In the initial stage of the process, 4 kg of fruit is washed with tap water before being transferred to a masher to crush the fruit, thereby producing jam. The jam that meets the quality standards is then mixed with a quarter cup of peanuts, a cup of water, and two tablespoons of sugar to enhance the flavor, and cooked at high temperatures for 10 minutes. Furthermore, two cups of sugar and two additional cups of water are added to the mixture immediately, after which it continues to cook for half an hour.

The next stage of the process involves pouring the jam into various containers, which are then sealed with lids and left to sit for one hour to cool. Finally, the resulting jam is served at family breakfast.