The diagrams below show changes in Felixstone in the UK between 1967 and 2001. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show changes in Felixstone in the UK between 1967 and 2001.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The illustrations present the changes that took place in Felixstone in the UK between 1967 and 2001.

Overall, Felixstone witnessed various changes, most notably with the addition of residential, sports facilities and a pier.

Regarding the northern section, on the right side of the high street, an area comprising a swimming pool, two tennis courts and a hotel erected, which necessitated the removal of the farmland. Another notable change is that, what once was a row of shops to the right of the high street was then turned into apartments while the shops row on the opposite side was expanded. Additionally, located in the western area was a golf course which remained intact after the changes.

Concerning the changes in the south, to the eastern area, the private and public beach was replaced by a fish market and a marina with a pier, respectively. Moreover, the cafe, the hotel and dunes coupled with some trees remained unchanged over the given span. In addition, there was a parking lot erected behind the hotel while some wine turbines were built below the dunes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "the illustrations present" -> "the illustrations depict"
   Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise term in academic writing, conveying the idea of showing or representing changes more effectively than "present."

2. "witnessed various changes" -> "experienced significant transformations"
   Explanation: "Experienced" is more formal than "witnessed," and "significant transformations" conveys a stronger sense of change than "various changes," enhancing the academic tone.

3. "with the addition of residential, sports facilities and a pier" -> "including the addition of residential areas, sports facilities, and a pier"
   Explanation: "Including" clarifies that the listed items are examples of the changes, and "residential areas" is more specific than "residential," improving clarity.

4. "an area comprising a swimming pool, two tennis courts and a hotel erected" -> "an area featuring a swimming pool, two tennis courts, and a hotel was erected"
   Explanation: "Featuring" is more appropriate than "comprising" in this context, and adding "was" clarifies the passive construction, improving grammatical accuracy.

5. "what once was a row of shops to the right of the high street was then turned into apartments" -> "the former row of shops to the right of the high street was converted into apartments"
   Explanation: "Former" is more concise than "what once was," and "converted" is a more precise term than "turned into," enhancing clarity and formality.

6. "while the shops row on the opposite side was expanded" -> "while the row of shops on the opposite side was expanded"
   Explanation: "Row of shops" is the correct phrase, improving grammatical structure and clarity.

7. "located in the western area was a golf course which remained intact after the changes" -> "located in the western area was a golf course that remained intact following the changes"
   Explanation: "That" is more appropriate than "which" in restrictive clauses, and "following" is a more formal alternative to "after," enhancing academic tone.

8. "to the eastern area, the private and public beach was replaced by a fish market and a marina with a pier, respectively" -> "in the eastern area, the public and private beach was replaced by a fish market and a marina, respectively"
   Explanation: "In" is more precise than "to," and the order of "public and private" is adjusted for clarity, maintaining a formal tone.

9. "the cafe, the hotel and dunes coupled with some trees remained unchanged over the given span" -> "the café, hotel, dunes, and adjacent trees remained unchanged throughout the specified period"
   Explanation: "Café" is the correct spelling, and "throughout the specified period" is more formal than "over the given span," improving clarity and academic style.

10. "there was a parking lot erected behind the hotel while some wine turbines were built below the dunes" -> "a parking lot was constructed behind the hotel, and several wind turbines were installed below the dunes"
    Explanation: "Constructed" is a more formal term than "erected," and "wind turbines" is the correct term, enhancing specificity and formality.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in Felixstone between 1967 and 2001. It identifies the main features of the changes, such as the addition of residential, sports facilities, and a pier. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features, and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the golf course remained intact after the changes, but the image shows that the golf course was actually replaced by a swimming pool and tennis courts.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed information about the changes, such as the number of shops that were converted into apartments, the size of the marina, and the type of wind turbines that were built. The essay could also be improved by providing more accurate information about the changes, such as the fact that the golf course was replaced by a swimming pool and tennis courts.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. However, while cohesive devices are used effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. The use of paragraphing is present but not always logical, particularly in how the changes are grouped and discussed. For example, the transition between discussing the northern and southern sections could be smoother to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas and sections. Using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that they enhance rather than disrupt the flow of information would improve cohesion. Additionally, organizing paragraphs around central topics more distinctly and logically would strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, which allows for basic communication of the changes in Felixstone. However, the use of less common vocabulary is attempted but often lacks accuracy, as seen in phrases like "the shops row" and "wine turbines," which may confuse the reader. There are some errors in word formation and spelling, such as "coupled with some trees," which could be phrased more clearly. While the vocabulary used is sufficient for the task, it does not exhibit the flexibility or precision required for a higher band score.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision. This includes selecting more appropriate terms and phrases that accurately convey the intended meaning. Additionally, minimizing errors in word formation and spelling will help improve clarity. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and ensuring correct collocations will also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at complexity, the grammatical accuracy is inconsistent. Errors in grammar and punctuation are present but do not significantly hinder communication. For example, phrases like "an area comprising a swimming pool, two tennis courts and a hotel erected" could be clearer if restructured. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the shops row on the opposite side was expanded," which may confuse the reader.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

1. Increase Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex structures with more accuracy.
2. Enhance Clarity: Ensure that sentences are clear and logically structured to avoid ambiguity.
3. Minimize Errors: Proofread for grammatical and punctuation errors to produce more error-free sentences.
4. Use of Connectors: Employ a variety of linking words and phrases to improve cohesion and coherence in the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The illustrations present the changes that took place in Felixstone in the UK between 1967 and 2001.

Overall, Felixstone witnessed various changes, most notably with the addition of residential areas, sports facilities, and a pier.

Regarding the northern section, on the right side of the high street, an area comprising a swimming pool, two tennis courts, and a hotel was established, which necessitated the removal of farmland. Another notable change is that what was once a row of shops to the right of the high street was converted into apartments, while the row of shops on the opposite side was expanded. Additionally, the golf course located in the western area remained intact after the changes.

Concerning the changes in the south, the private and public beach in the eastern area was replaced by a fish market and a marina with a pier, respectively. Moreover, the café, the hotel, and the dunes, along with some trees, remained unchanged over the given period. In addition, a parking lot was constructed behind the hotel, while some wind turbines were built below the dunes.