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The diagrams below show the development of the horse over a period of 40 million years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the development of the horse over a period of 40 million years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The infographic illustrates the evolution of the horse through the development from small sized into modern horse over a period of 40 million years.

Overall, the transformation process of the eohippus horse changed into modern day horse summarized in 3 key stages. The diagram also involves the reduction of the spread – out foot form into a single leg due to both external and lateral impact.

At the beginning of the conversion, about 40 million years ago, the eohippus horse had had an elementary formation without hair and a stunted skeleton. 30 million years later, it changed into mesohippus which evolved to average-height; bigger face, back, tails; starting to emerge short fur same as wild animals. The outstanding characteristic of mesohippus continues to appear in the merychippus but is more prominent. Color hair in the back becomes clearly apparent, and the limbs' structure is more resilient before finally transforming to a modern horse. In this state, the steed was completely shaped with a long tail, the mane and hind legs became more substantial.

Considering the changing in foot structure, it was clear that the original leg of the eohippus horse from 40 million years ago had tiny feet which branch out to 5 toes to fit the body size. These toes had been reduced into 2 small digits with a large form in the middle that existed in mesohippus in the following step. As same as 30 million years ago, the merychippus legs had no significant alteration, the feet had the growth in size to be compatible with body structure. Finally, the most comprehensive shape of a horse's foot is the single hoof, replacing the complicated form before.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "small sized" -> "smaller"
    Explanation: "Small sized" is redundant and less precise. Using "smaller" simplifies the phrase while maintaining the intended meaning, making it more concise and appropriate for academic writing.

  2. "into modern horse" -> "into the modern horse"
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "modern horse" clarifies the noun phrase, making it grammatically correct and more formal.

  3. "spread – out foot form" -> "spread-out foot form"
    Explanation: This is a typographical error. The hyphenation should be corrected to "spread-out" for correct usage.

  4. "due to both external and lateral impact" -> "due to both external and lateral influences"
    Explanation: "Influences" is a more precise term in this context, suggesting a broader range of factors contributing to the change, which is more suitable for an academic discussion.

  5. "had had" -> "had"
    Explanation: The double "had" is grammatically incorrect. "Had" alone is sufficient and correct in this context.

  6. "starting to emerge short fur" -> "beginning to grow shorter fur"
    Explanation: "Beginning to grow shorter fur" is a clearer and more accurate description of the process, enhancing the precision of the text.

  7. "same as wild animals" -> "similar to those of wild animals"
    Explanation: Adding "those of" clarifies the comparison, making it more specific and formal.

  8. "the outstanding characteristic" -> "a notable characteristic"
    Explanation: "A notable characteristic" is more precise and academically appropriate than "the outstanding characteristic," which can sound overly dramatic.

  9. "Color hair in the back" -> "The color of the hair on the back"
    Explanation: Adding "the" and "on" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the reference to the hair.

  10. "the limbs’ structure is more resilient" -> "the limbs became more resilient"
    Explanation: Changing "is" to "became" aligns the verb tense with the past development described in the diagram.

  11. "the steed was completely shaped" -> "the horse was fully developed"
    Explanation: "Fully developed" is a more precise and formal term than "completely shaped," which is somewhat vague and less appropriate for an academic context.

  12. "changing in foot structure" -> "changes in foot structure"
    Explanation: Changing "changing" to "changes" corrects the verb form to match the singular subject "foot structure."

  13. "branch out to 5 toes" -> "diverged into five toes"
    Explanation: "Diverged into" is more precise and scientifically accurate than "branch out," which is too informal for an academic context.

  14. "As same as" -> "Similarly"
    Explanation: "Similarly" is a more formal and appropriate transitional phrase than "As same as," which is grammatically incorrect.

  15. "the feet had the growth in size" -> "the feet increased in size"
    Explanation: "Increased in size" is a more natural and precise way to describe growth, improving the academic tone.

These changes enhance the precision, clarity, and formality of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the main features of the horse’s development over 40 million years. The essay presents information appropriately selected, and adequately highlights key features/bullet points. However, some details are irrelevant, inappropriate, or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that the eohippus horse had "an elementary formation without hair," which is not evident in the diagram. Additionally, the essay states that the mesohippus horse "starting to emerge short fur same as wild animals," which is not a key feature of the diagram.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing on the key features of the diagrams and avoiding irrelevant or inaccurate details. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific comparisons between the different stages of the horse’s development. For example, the essay could compare the size of the horse’s body, the number of toes, and the length of the legs at different stages of development.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates some organization of information, outlining the evolution of the horse over 40 million years in three stages. However, there are issues with overall progression and coherence. The essay lacks clear logical sequencing between the stages, making it somewhat difficult to follow the evolution timeline smoothly. There is also some repetition and the use of cohesive devices is inadequate, affecting the flow of ideas. Paragraphing is attempted but is not consistently logical.

How to improve:

  1. Logical progression: Ensure each stage of the evolution is presented in a clear chronological order, with transitions that help guide the reader through the process.

  2. Cohesive devices: Use cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases more effectively to connect ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay.

  3. Paragraph structure: Ensure paragraphs are logically organized around specific stages or aspects of the evolution, improving readability and coherence.

Improving these aspects will help elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary that is adequate for the task. It describes the evolution of the horse over 40 million years in simple terms, using vocabulary such as "transformation," "stages," "evolved," "characteristic," and "structure." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication. There are noticeable errors in word choice and word formation throughout the essay ("spread – out," "had had," "into average-height," "the limbs’ structure is more resilient"). These errors occasionally hinder clarity and precision.

How to improve:
To improve the lexical resource score:

  1. Increase variety: Introduce more diverse and precise vocabulary related to evolution and anatomy.
  2. Reduce errors: Pay attention to word choice and correct spelling and word formation errors.
  3. Enhance sophistication: Use more complex sentence structures and advanced vocabulary where appropriate to convey more nuanced ideas.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic lexical requirements to convey the evolution of the horse, it falls short of demonstrating a higher level of vocabulary use and accuracy needed for bands 6 and above.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt at a variety of sentence structures but struggles with accuracy and complexity throughout. There is an effort to use complex sentences, but these are often less accurate than simpler ones, leading to frequent grammatical errors and faulty punctuation. This affects the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

How to improve:
To improve to a higher band score (e.g., Band 6), focus on the following:

  • Sentence Structure: Work on using a wider variety of sentence structures more accurately, including both simple and complex forms.
  • Accuracy: Pay attention to grammatical accuracy throughout the essay, ensuring that complex sentences are constructed correctly.
  • Punctuation: Improve punctuation usage to enhance readability and coherence.

By refining these areas, the essay can achieve better clarity and precision in conveying its ideas, thus meeting the criteria for a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams depict the evolution of the horse over a span of 40 million years, showcasing its transformation from a small-sized ancestor to the modern-day horse.

Initially, approximately 40 million years ago, the eohippus horse emerged with a basic skeletal structure and lacked hair. Over the subsequent 30 million years, it evolved into the mesohippus, characterized by increased size, development of facial features, back, and tail, along with the emergence of short fur. The mesohippus traits persisted and became more pronounced in the merychippus stage. Notably, the coloration of the fur on the back became more distinct, and the limb structure further strengthened. This progression culminated in the modern horse, which features a well-defined body shape, long tail, and substantial hind legs.

Regarding changes in foot structure, the eohippus initially had small, five-toed feet suited to its body size. These toes gradually reduced to two smaller digits flanking a larger central digit in the mesohippus stage. By 30 million years ago, the merychippus exhibited relatively unchanged legs but with larger feet adapted to its body structure. Eventually, the horse’s foot evolved into a single hoof, simplifying from its earlier complex form.

In summary, the evolution of the horse over 40 million years is marked by significant changes in size, body structure, and foot morphology, illustrating a gradual progression towards the modern equine form.

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