The diagrams below show the present building of a college and the plan for changes to the college site in the future. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The diagrams below show the present building of a college and the plan for changes to the college site in the future. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The map compares the developments that occurred during the college period from the present to 2020.
In general, the college building has become much more city-like. The college has undergone significant changes with the addition of amenities, and eight new features can be seen in the second diagram.
Along the perimeter of the college, a footpath runs adjacent to the garden and alongside a car park on the left side can go to the bus stop. In 2020, the car park and the bus stop alongside the main road still existed but the car park became larger.
As of now, the entrance faces the garden. To the left of the entrance, there is a lunch area and two classrooms, and next to this are toilets.On the right-hand side, there are three features: a classroom, reception, and a library. But in 2020, there will be some changes. The entrance opposite the road, going straight is the reception and behind the reception is the toilets. Following that, On the left side, a new shop has been added, whereas the classroom on the same side has been demolished. Additionally, on the right side, there are four classrooms.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The map compares the developments that occurred during the college period from the present to 2020." -> "The map illustrates the developments that have taken place in the college over the period from the present to 2020."
Explanation: The phrase "illustrates the developments" is more precise and formal than "compares the developments," which is vague and less commonly used in academic contexts. Additionally, "have taken place" is more appropriate than "occurred" for describing ongoing or continuous events. -
"the college building has become much more city-like" -> "the college building has undergone significant urbanization"
Explanation: "Undergone significant urbanization" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "become much more city-like," which is vague and colloquial. -
"eight new features can be seen in the second diagram" -> "eight new features are depicted in the second diagram"
Explanation: "Are depicted" is more formal and precise than "can be seen," aligning better with academic style. -
"a footpath runs adjacent to the garden and alongside a car park on the left side can go to the bus stop" -> "a footpath runs adjacent to the garden, and a car park on the left leads to the bus stop"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured and unclear. The revision clarifies the relationship between the car park and the bus stop. -
"the car park and the bus stop alongside the main road still existed but the car park became larger" -> "the car park and bus stop remained alongside the main road, with the car park expanding in size"
Explanation: "Remained alongside the main road, with the car park expanding in size" is more precise and avoids the awkward construction of the original. -
"As of now, the entrance faces the garden" -> "Currently, the entrance faces the garden"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal temporal indicator than "As of now," which is less commonly used in academic writing. -
"To the left of the entrance, there is a lunch area and two classrooms, and next to this are toilets." -> "Adjacent to the entrance are a lunch area, two classrooms, and toilets."
Explanation: "Adjacent to" is a more precise and formal term than "next to," and the revised structure avoids the repetition of "there is" for clarity. -
"But in 2020, there will be some changes." -> "However, significant changes were made in 2020."
Explanation: "However, significant changes were made" is more direct and formal than "there will be some changes," which is vague and less assertive. -
"going straight is the reception and behind the reception is the toilets" -> "directly ahead lies the reception, with the toilets located behind it"
Explanation: "Directly ahead lies" and "located behind it" provide clearer spatial descriptions, enhancing the formal tone and precision. -
"On the left side, a new shop has been added, whereas the classroom on the same side has been demolished." -> "On the left side, a new shop has been added, while the adjacent classroom has been demolished."
Explanation: "While" is a more formal conjunction than "whereas," and "adjacent classroom" is more precise than "on the same side." -
"Additionally, on the right side, there are four classrooms." -> "Furthermore, the right side now features four classrooms."
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Additionally," and "features" is more precise than "there are," which is somewhat informal for academic writing.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main changes, and the information is recounted mechanically with no clear comparison. The essay presents some key features, but it inadequately covers them. There is a tendency to focus on details rather than providing a clear overview of the changes.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main changes. The writer should focus on comparing the two diagrams and highlighting the key differences. The essay should also be more concise and avoid unnecessary details. The writer should also use more appropriate language to describe the changes. For example, instead of saying "the car park became larger," the writer could say "the car park was expanded."
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information about the changes to the college site, but it lacks a clear overall progression and organization. While some information is presented, the logical flow is disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear references. For instance, the transition between the current layout and the future changes is not smooth, leading to confusion about which features are being compared. The use of cohesive devices is present but inconsistent, resulting in some sentences feeling mechanical or repetitive. Additionally, paragraphing is inadequate, as the essay does not clearly separate different ideas or aspects of the changes.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the changes. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensuring that references are clear and that comparisons are explicitly stated will improve the overall clarity and logical progression of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "amenities" and "perimeter," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "the college building has become much more city-like" and "the entrance opposite the road." The essay contains some errors in word choice and punctuation, such as the missing space before "On the right-hand side" and "Following that," which detracts from clarity. While these errors do not severely impede communication, they do indicate a lack of control over lexical features.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on using a wider range of vocabulary with greater precision and accuracy. This includes avoiding awkward phrases and ensuring correct collocations. Additionally, working on spelling and punctuation accuracy will help improve overall clarity. Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a higher score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 score. While the writer attempts to convey the changes in the college layout effectively, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that occasionally hinder clarity. For instance, phrases like "the college building has become much more city-like" and "the entrance opposite the road, going straight is the reception" could be more clearly articulated. Additionally, there are issues with punctuation, such as missing commas, which affect the overall readability of the essay. However, the errors do not significantly impede communication, allowing the main features of the diagrams to be understood.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation. This can be done by proofreading the essay for common errors and ensuring that complex sentences are structured correctly. Additionally, expanding the range of vocabulary and using more varied sentence structures can enhance the overall quality of the writing. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and coherence will also help in reducing errors and improving the overall grammatical range.
Bài sửa mẫu
The map compares the developments that occurred at the college from the present to 2020. In general, the college building has become much more urbanized. Significant changes have taken place with the addition of amenities, and eight new features can be observed in the second diagram.
Along the perimeter of the college, a footpath runs adjacent to the garden and leads to a car park on the left side, which connects to the bus stop. In 2020, the car park and the bus stop alongside the main road will still exist, but the car park will be larger.
Currently, the entrance faces the garden. To the left of the entrance, there is a lunch area and two classrooms, with toilets located next to them. On the right-hand side, there are three features: a classroom, a reception area, and a library. However, in 2020, there will be some changes. The entrance will face the road, with the reception directly ahead and the toilets situated behind the reception. Additionally, on the left side, a new shop will be added, while the classroom on the same side will be demolished. Furthermore, on the right side, there will be four classrooms.
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