The diagrams give information about changes in student accommodation.

The given pictures illustrate how much a student accommodation has transformed from 2010 to the present.

Overall, it is apparent that the layout of this structure witnessed a major change, including the construction of new student apartments and new facilities to serve student life.

The southern hallway of this area, near the main entrance, has been made smaller to add an en-suite room. Opposite the old hallway, there used to be a garden, which has been replaced by a large car park from west to east. While the kitchen on the right-hand side has been enlarged and used as a social area, a student bedroom and bathroom in the middle with another bedroom in the right-hand corner have remained unchanged.

In contrast, the northern part of this layout has significantly transformed, the most noticeable being the increases in accommodation. Outside the residence hall, there used to be two garden patches to the north and south, one of which has been demolished to make way for a bedroom. Similarly, a living room to the right-hand side of the garden has been replaced by another bedroom.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given pictures illustrate how much a student accommodation has transformed from 2010 to the present." -> "The provided images depict significant transformations in a student accommodation between 2010 and the present."
Explanation: The phrase "The given pictures illustrate how much" is somewhat informal and vague. "The provided images depict significant transformations" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"witnessed a major change" -> "undergone significant changes"
Explanation: "Witnessed a major change" is somewhat passive and less precise. "Undergone significant changes" actively describes the changes the structure has experienced, aligning better with academic style.
"including the construction of new student apartments and new facilities to serve student life." -> "including the construction of new student apartments and the addition of facilities to support student life."
Explanation: "New facilities to serve student life" is somewhat vague and informal. "The addition of facilities to support student life" is more specific and formal, clearly indicating the purpose of the new additions.
"has been made smaller to add an en-suite room." -> "has been reduced in size to accommodate an en-suite room."
Explanation: "Has been made smaller" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "Has been reduced in size" is more formal and precise, and "accommodate" is a more appropriate verb for describing the purpose of the change.
"used to be a garden, which has been replaced by a large car park" -> "was previously a garden, now replaced by a large car park"
Explanation: "Used to be" is conversational and less formal. "Was previously" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. Also, rephrasing "which has been replaced by" to "now replaced by" improves the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"the kitchen on the right-hand side has been enlarged and used as a social area" -> "the kitchen on the right-hand side has been expanded and converted into a social area"
Explanation: "Has been enlarged" could be replaced with "has been expanded" for a more formal tone. "Converted into" is more precise than "used as," which is somewhat vague.
"a student bedroom and bathroom in the middle with another bedroom in the right-hand corner have remained unchanged" -> "the student bedroom and bathroom in the central area and the adjacent bedroom in the right-hand corner have remained unchanged"
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat unclear and informal. The revision clarifies the spatial relationships and uses more formal language.
"the northern part of this layout has significantly transformed, the most noticeable being the increases in accommodation" -> "the northern section of this layout has undergone significant transformations, primarily characterized by increased accommodation"
Explanation: "Has significantly transformed" is a bit informal and vague. "Has undergone significant transformations" is more precise and formal. "Primarily characterized by" is a more academic way to describe the dominant feature of the changes.
"Outside the residence hall, there used to be two garden patches to the north and south, one of which has been demolished to make way for a bedroom." -> "Outside the residence hall, the north and south gardens were previously present, with the northern one being demolished to accommodate a new bedroom."
Explanation: "There used to be" is informal and less precise. "The north and south gardens were previously present" is more formal and specific. "To make way for" is replaced with "to accommodate" for a more direct and formal expression.
"a living room to the right-hand side of the garden has been replaced by another bedroom" -> "the living room adjacent to the garden has been converted into another bedroom"
Explanation: "To the right-hand side of the garden" is less formal and slightly unclear. "Adjacent to the garden" is more precise and formal, and "converted into" is a more specific verb choice than "replaced by."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the changes in student accommodation, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay focuses on the changes in the layout of the accommodation, but it does not provide a clear overview of the main trends or differences. For example, the essay does not mention the increase in the number of bedrooms or the decrease in the number of gardens.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a more comprehensive overview of the changes in student accommodation. The essay should also highlight the key features of the changes, such as the increase in the number of bedrooms and the decrease in the number of gardens. The essay could also be improved by providing more specific details about the changes, such as the size of the new car park or the location of the new en-suite room.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arr information and ideas coherently and shows a clear overall progression from describing the changes in student accommodation from 2010 to the present. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there are some instances where cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical. The essay could benefit from clearer referencing and substitution to improve overall coherence.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on ensuring that the relationships between ideas are clearly established through the use of appropriate cohesive devices. Make sure to reference and substitute information effectively to enhance the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, work on logically organizing information within and between sentences to strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, with attempts to use less common vocabulary. The writer describes the changes in student accommodation using a variety of words such as "witnessed," "en-suite," "residence hall," and "demolished." However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the most noticeable being the increases in accommodation," which could be improved for clarity.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer can focus on using more precise and sophisticated vocabulary choices. Additionally, paying attention to word choice and collocation to ensure accuracy and fluency in conveying the intended meaning would enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, with some errors in grammar and punctuation. The overall communication is not significantly hindered by these errors, but they are noticeable throughout the essay. The essay attempts to use a variety of structures, but the accuracy is inconsistent.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider range of sentence structures with more accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation. Proofreading the essay carefully can help in identifying and correcting these errors to enhance the overall clarity and coherence of the writing. Additionally, practice using more complex sentence structures to showcase a higher level of grammatical proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagrams depict the evolution of student accommodation from 2010 to the present day.

Overall, it is evident significant changes have occurred in the layout of the accommodation, with the addition of new student apartments and facilities to enhance student life.

In the southern section of the accommodation, near the main entrance, the previous hallway has been reduced in size to accommodate an en-suite room. Across from the original hallway, a garden has been replaced by a large car park extending from west to east. The kitchen on the right-hand side has been expanded and repurposed as a social area, while the student bedroom and bathroom in the center, along with another bedroom in the right-hand corner, have remained unchanged.

Conversely, the northern part of the accommodation has undergone significant transformations, particularly in terms of increased accommodation space. Previously, there were two garden patches to the north and south of the residence hall, with one of them being removed to make room for an additional bedroom. Furthermore, a living room situated to the right of the garden has been replaced by another bedroom.

In conclusion, the student accommodation has undergone notable changes over the years, with new additions and modifications to enhance the living experience for students.