The diagrams show a small museum and its surroundings in 1990 and 2010.

The maps illustrate the alternations that occured in a museum and its surroundings between 1990 and 2010.
At first glance, the museum underwent several significant modifications over the shown period with the conversion of some areas and the expansion of others.
On the western side of the museum, there are a lenghthen towards the east of these areas. On the centre of this area, a shop was extended to be double in size towards the west. The first door situated in the northest of this area disappeared. The cottage positioned in the southern side of the area was destroyed and replaced by a cafe. In contrast, the remainding areas of this area was still existed as storage, entrance and garden and main road.
On the eastern wing of the museum, the road situated in a eastern side towards the northeast was knocked down in 2010. However, the car park located in the northern wing was stayed unchanged, while adjoining to the south, garden was demolished to make way for car park. In addition, exhibition room located in the corner southwest of the museum was pulled down.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"alternations" -> "changes"
Explanation: "Alternations" is less common in this context compared to "changes," which is a straightforward and widely used term to describe modifications or transformations.
"occured" -> "occurred"
Explanation: "Occurred" is the correct spelling of the verb meaning to happen or take place.
"At first glance" -> "Upon initial observation"
Explanation: "Upon initial observation" is a more formal and sophisticated expression to introduce your initial assessment or evaluation.
"lenghthen towards" -> "extend toward"
Explanation: "Lengthen" refers to making something longer, while "extend" is more appropriate here to describe something stretching or reaching in a particular direction.
"northest" -> "northernmost"
Explanation: "Northernmost" is the correct term to indicate the most northern point or location.
"was still existed" -> "still existed"
Explanation: "Was still existed" is redundant; "still existed" is sufficient to convey the idea of ongoing existence.
"the road situated in a eastern side" -> "the road located on the eastern side"
Explanation: "Located on the eastern side" is a clearer and more precise way to describe the position of the road.
"knocked down" -> "removed"
Explanation: While "knocked down" is not incorrect, "removed" is a more formal and specific term to describe the action taken on the road.
"was stayed unchanged" -> "remained unchanged"
Explanation: "Remained unchanged" is a more standard and concise way to express that something did not change over time.
"adjoining to the south" -> "adjacent to the south"
Explanation: "Adjacent to the south" is a more precise way to describe something located next to or adjoining the southern direction.
"was pulled down" -> "was demolished"
Explanation: "Was demolished" is a more formal and specific term for describing the action taken on the exhibition room.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

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Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay addresses the task by providing an overview of the changes that occurred in the museum and its surroundings between 1990 and 2010. It highlights key features such as the extension of the shop, replacement of the cottage with a cafe, demolition of the garden for a car park, and removal of the road on the eastern side. However, some details are unclear or inaccurate, such as the description of the museum’s western side and the grammar errors throughout the essay.
How to improve: Ensure clarity and accuracy in describing the changes. Use proper grammar and sentence structure to enhance coherence and readability.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a lack of overall progression. The descriptions of changes in the museum and its surroundings are somewhat scattered and not clearly connected. While there is an attempt to use cohesive devices, they are used inadequately and sometimes inaccurately, leading to confusion. Paragraphing is attempted, but it lacks logical organization and coherence.
How to improve: Focus on organizing the information in a more structured and coherent manner. Ensure that there is a clear progression in discussing the changes from 1990 to 2010. Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay. Additionally, revise the paragraphing to ensure logical breaks and transitions between ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, but there are repetitive and inappropriate word choices throughout the text. The language lacks sophistication and precision, with several instances of unclear expression. Spelling and word formation errors are frequent, causing strain for the reader. While some attempt is made to describe changes, the language used is rudimentary and lacks detail.

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, focus on expanding vocabulary with more varied and appropriate terms. Use precise language to convey meaning clearly. Pay attention to spelling and word formation to ensure clarity and coherence in the essay. Additionally, aim for a more sophisticated expression by refining sentence structures and using appropriate transitions. Practice writing with a focus on vocabulary enrichment and accuracy to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, showcasing some attempts at complex structures. While there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation issues throughout the essay, they do not significantly hinder comprehension. There is an adequate range of sentence structures utilized, though improvements in accuracy and clarity could enhance the overall quality.

How to improve: To improve the score, focus on refining the accuracy of complex structures and ensuring consistent punctuation. Reviewing sentence structures for clarity and coherence would also benefit the essay. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and refining expression can elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagrams illustrate the alterations that occurred in a museum and its surroundings between 1990 and 2010. At first glance, the museum underwent several significant modifications during the period shown, with the conversion of some areas and the expansion of others.

On the western side of the museum, there was an extension towards the east. At the center of this area, a shop was expanded to double its size towards the west. The first door located in the northernmost part of this area was removed. The cottage situated on the southern side was demolished and replaced by a café. In contrast, the remaining sections of this area, which included storage, entrance, garden, and the main road, were preserved.

On the eastern wing of the museum, the road located on the eastern side towards the northeast was removed in 2010. However, the car park in the northern wing remained unchanged. Adjacent to the south, a garden was cleared to make space for an additional car park. Additionally, the exhibition room situated in the southwest corner of the museum was demolished.

This revised report reflects the various changes made to the museum and its surroundings over the 20-year span, focusing on expansions, demolitions, and preservations of different sections and facilities within the museum grounds.