The diagrams show the sales of cars of 3 different brands between 2015-2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams show the sales of cars of 3 different brands between 2015-2019.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph compares key data on the number of cars sold out between 2015 and 2019, while the pie chart gives information on the percentage of cars purchased in accordance with types.
Overall, it is apparent in the line graph that the Sales of X brand experienced a constant and tremendous increase through the given period. On the other hand, it can be seen from the pie chart that MPV cars had the largest sales, while the figure for sports cars was lowest.
Initially, Z brand’s sales were dominant, at over 3 million cars. The figures for Y brand and X brand were approximately two third and one thirds of that amount respectively. In the rest of the period, the number of cars sold witnessed a steady climb to just under 3 million cars. In addition, the figure for Y brand saw a moderate increase in the first three-year period after that it decreased significantly and hit the lowest point at nearly 2 million cars.
Concerning the MPV cars, it is the most prevalent type of car and accounts for 35 percent of total sales of cars. Besides, sports cars had the lowest sales, at 3 percent.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph compares key data on the number of cars sold out between 2015 and 2019, while the pie chart gives information on the percentage of cars purchased in accordance with types." -> "The line graph presents key data on the number of cars sold between 2015 and 2019, whereas the pie chart provides information on the percentage of cars purchased by type."
Explanation: Replacing "compares key data on the number of cars sold out" with "presents key data on the number of cars sold" corrects the misuse of "sold out," which is an idiomatic expression not suitable for formal writing. Additionally, "in accordance with types" is vague and can be replaced with "by type" for clarity and precision.
"it is apparent in the line graph that the Sales of X brand experienced a constant and tremendous increase through the given period." -> "it is evident from the line graph that the sales of X brand experienced a consistent and significant increase over the given period."
Explanation: "Apparent" is somewhat informal for academic writing; "evident" is more appropriate. "Tremendous" can be replaced with "significant" for a more formal tone. "Through the given period" is awkward; "over the given period" is more natural.
"On the other hand, it can be seen from the pie chart that MPV cars had the largest sales, while the figure for sports cars was lowest." -> "Conversely, the pie chart reveals that MPV cars had the highest sales, whereas sports cars had the lowest sales."
Explanation: "On the other hand" is informal and can be replaced with "Conversely" for a more formal tone. "Largest sales" is vague; "highest sales" is more precise. "While" is informal; "whereas" is more formal.
"Initially, Z brand’s sales were dominant, at over 3 million cars." -> "Initially, Z brand’s sales dominated, exceeding 3 million vehicles."
Explanation: "Dominant" is somewhat vague; "dominated" is more direct and clear. "At over 3 million cars" can be streamlined to "exceeding 3 million vehicles" for a more formal tone.
"the number of cars sold witnessed a steady climb to just under 3 million cars." -> "the number of cars sold steadily increased to nearly 3 million vehicles."
Explanation: "Witnessed a steady climb" is overly dramatic and informal; "steadily increased" is straightforward and formal. "Just under" can be replaced with "nearly" for a more precise expression.
"Besides, sports cars had the lowest sales, at 3 percent." -> "Furthermore, sports cars had the lowest sales, at 3%."
Explanation: "Besides" is informal; "Furthermore" is more appropriate for academic writing. The percent sign should be used for numerical percentages in formal writing.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the data, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay does not present a clear overview of the main trends in the line graph, and it does not make comparisons between the data in the two graphs.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the line graph. For example, the essay could state that the sales of X brand increased steadily over the period, while the sales of Y brand decreased after 2017. The essay could also make comparisons between the data in the two graphs. For example, the essay could state that the most popular type of car was the MPV, which accounted for 35% of total sales, while the least popular type of car was the sports car, which accounted for only 3% of total sales.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression. The writer effectively uses cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there are some instances where the cohesion may be faulty or mechanical, leading to minor disruptions in the flow of the essay. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, and there is a logical organization of information and ideas. The use of paragraphing is adequate but not always logical.

How to improve: To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay, focus on ensuring a smoother transition between ideas by using a wider variety of cohesive devices. Pay attention to the logical flow within and between sentences to avoid any mechanical or faulty cohesion. Additionally, consider restructuring paragraphs to enhance the overall logical progression of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary with some flexibility and precision. The writer uses less common lexical items such as "witnessed," "prevalent," and "moderate increase" to convey information effectively. There is also some awareness of style and collocation, as seen in phrases like "steady climb" and "hit the lowest point." However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "Sales of X brand experienced a constant and tremendous increase" where "tremendous" may not be the most appropriate word choice.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, try to use a wider range of vocabulary and pay closer attention to word choice and collocation. Avoid using overly complex or uncommon words if they do not fit the context appropriately. Additionally, proofreading for errors in word choice and collocation can help enhance the overall lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay demonstrates the use of a variety of complex structures, such as using subordinate clauses and comparison structures. The majority of sentences are error-free, showcasing good control of grammar and punctuation. There are occasional errors present, but they do not significantly impact the overall communication of ideas.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on consistently using complex structures throughout the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that punctuation is used correctly to enhance clarity. Proofreading for minor errors will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided data outlines the sales of cars from three different brands over the period of 2015 to 2019. The line graph illustrates the number of cars sold, while the pie chart presents the distribution of car types purchased.

In terms of the line graph, it is evident that the sales of X brand consistently increased significantly throughout the given timeframe. Conversely, the pie chart reveals that MPV cars were the most popular choice, with sports cars being the least preferred option.

Initially, Z brand dominated the sales, surpassing 3 million cars. Y brand and X brand followed with approximately two-thirds and one-third of that quantity, respectively. Over the following years, the total number of cars sold steadily rose to just under 3 million units. Notably, Y brand experienced a moderate increase in sales during the first three years, but then saw a significant decline, reaching a low point of nearly 2 million cars.

Regarding car types, MPV cars accounted for the largest share at 35% of total sales, while sports cars only made up 3% of the total sales.

Overall, the data highlights the varying sales trends among the three brands and the preferences for different car types over the specified period.