The differences between countries are becoming less obvious. Today, people everywhere watch the same movies, follow the same fashion, and see the same brands, advertisements, and TV shows. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

The distinction among countries is becoming less evident as people all around the world engage themselves in the same kinds of entertainment, such as films, fashion, brands, advertisements, and television programs. While this trend offers certain benefits, the drawbacks it presents are more significant.

On the one hand, the growing similarity between countries can provide some advantages. A key benefit can be seen in the promotion of global unity. When common entertaining things can be watched and followed worldwide by many people, it fosters a sense of shared experience that can bridge the cultural divides, enhance mutual understanding, and prejudices among nations can be reduced and prevented. For instance, international events such as the World Cup, the Olympics or popular movies can unite audiences from diverse backgrounds, and promote a sense of global togetherness. In addition, this phenomenon also allows accessibility to high-quality contents and products, which means that people can enjoy a wider variety of entertainment and fashion options that were previously unavailable in the local markets or their areas. Take Netflix, a streaming platform, as an illustration. Netflix owns various movies and films’ genres and enables users to explore films and shows in different cultures, which can enrich their lives with diverse perspectives and improve their quality of life.

Nevertheless, there are certain disadvantages that can be found in this global similarity. One major concern is the potential loss of cultural identity. As global media and brands dominate, local values, customs, and traditions are likely to be blurred and can eventually vanish, resulting in a homogenized global culture, and leading to a loss of cultural diversity. For example, traditional clothing styles, and local languages are increasingly replaced by Western fashion and English, especially among younger generations. Another negative side is the influence of local industries. Due to the influx of global brands and media, local filmmakers, fashion designers, and businesses often find themselves struggling to compete against other global popular brands and movies. As a consequence, local creativity is stifled and economic growth is on the verge of being hindered. For instance, it is challenging for local movie makers to attract audiences and gain recognition when international movies act more captivating among people and tend to overshadow the local ones.

In conclusion, despite certain benefits offered by the increasing popularity and similarity among people, I am convinced that the downsides, including the loss of cultural identity and the decline of local industries, are greater.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"engage themselves" -> "engage"
Explanation: Removing "themselves" simplifies the phrase and aligns with the passive voice used in the sentence, enhancing the formal tone and clarity.
"the same kinds of entertainment" -> "similar forms of entertainment"
Explanation: "Similar forms of entertainment" is more precise and academically appropriate than "the same kinds," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"offers certain benefits" -> "provides certain advantages"
Explanation: "Provides" is more formal and precise than "offers" in an academic context, emphasizing the act of giving or supplying benefits.
"the drawbacks it presents" -> "the disadvantages it poses"
Explanation: "Poses" is a more formal and precise term than "presents" in this context, fitting better in academic writing.
"mutual understanding, and prejudices" -> "mutual understanding, and reducing prejudices"
Explanation: Adding "reducing" clarifies the intended meaning, making the sentence more specific and direct.
"enhance mutual understanding, and prejudices among nations can be reduced and prevented" -> "enhance mutual understanding, thereby reducing prejudices among nations"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the causal relationship between the actions and their outcomes, improving the sentence’s flow and precision.
"a sense of global togetherness" -> "a sense of global unity"
Explanation: "Unity" is a more formal and precise term than "togetherness," which is somewhat colloquial.
"allows accessibility to high-quality contents and products" -> "provides access to high-quality content and products"
Explanation: "Provides access" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "allows accessibility," which is awkwardly phrased.
"Take Netflix, a streaming platform, as an illustration" -> "Consider Netflix, a streaming platform, as an example"
Explanation: "Consider" is more formal than "Take," and "example" is more commonly used in academic writing than "illustration."
"enables users to explore films and shows in different cultures" -> "enables users to explore films and shows from diverse cultures"
Explanation: "From diverse cultures" is more precise and formal than "in different cultures," which is somewhat vague.
"can enrich their lives with diverse perspectives and improve their quality of life" -> "can enrich their lives by offering diverse perspectives and enhancing their quality of life"
Explanation: "By offering" and "enhancing" are more precise and formal, improving the academic tone.
"the potential loss of cultural identity" -> "the potential loss of cultural identities"
Explanation: Pluralizing "identity" to "identities" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with the plural context of cultures.
"can eventually vanish" -> "may eventually disappear"
Explanation: "May" is more tentative and academically appropriate than "can," which is too absolute.
"leading to a loss of cultural diversity" -> "resulting in a loss of cultural diversity"
Explanation: "Resulting in" is more formal and precise than "leading to," which is somewhat informal.
"Due to the influx of global brands and media" -> "owing to the influx of global brands and media"
Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal preposition than "Due to," fitting better in academic writing.
"often find themselves struggling" -> "often struggle"
Explanation: Removing "themselves" simplifies the phrase and maintains a formal tone.
"act more captivating" -> "prove more captivating"
Explanation: "Prove" is more formal and appropriate in this context than "act," which is less commonly used in formal writing.

These changes enhance the formal tone, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the increasing similarity among countries. The writer acknowledges the benefits of global unity and accessibility to diverse entertainment options, while also highlighting significant drawbacks such as the loss of cultural identity and the impact on local industries. Each part of the question is covered, demonstrating a balanced approach.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples or statistics to illustrate the points made. For instance, citing specific instances of cultural loss or economic impact on local industries would strengthen the argument and provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position is clearly stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, where the writer asserts that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. This clarity is maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph supporting the overall stance. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be more fluid to reinforce the argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases to better connect the advantages and disadvantages sections. For example, phrases like "On the contrary" or "Conversely" could help signal the shift in focus and reinforce the argumentative structure.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas related to the topic, such as global unity and the loss of cultural identity. Each idea is supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of Netflix and international events. However, some points could be further developed. For instance, the discussion on the impact on local industries could benefit from more detailed examples or case studies to illustrate the challenges faced by local businesses.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with additional examples or evidence. This could involve discussing specific local industries affected by global competition or providing more context about cultural practices that are at risk of being lost.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the implications of cultural similarities and their effects on identity and local industries. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, and the writer consistently ties back to the prompt’s central question.
- How to improve: While the essay is largely on topic, the writer should ensure that every example directly supports the main argument. Avoiding any tangential discussions or overly broad statements will help maintain focus. For instance, when discussing global events, it could be more effective to tie those examples back to the specific impacts on cultural identity rather than presenting them as standalone benefits.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task requirements and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more specific examples, improving transitions, and elaborating on key points, the writer can further enhance the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph effectively addresses a distinct point, with the first paragraph discussing the advantages and the second focusing on the disadvantages. The use of transitional phrases such as "On the one hand" and "Nevertheless" helps guide the reader through the argument. However, the flow could be improved in certain areas, particularly in the transition between examples and the main points, where some connections feel slightly abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could ensure that each example directly ties back to the main point of the paragraph. For instance, after discussing the benefits of global unity, a more explicit connection could be made to how this unity contrasts with the potential loss of cultural identity in the subsequent paragraph. Additionally, providing a brief summary sentence at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the main idea before moving on to the next point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first addressing the advantages and the second the disadvantages. However, the paragraph discussing advantages could be further divided to separate the points about global unity and accessibility to diverse content, which would enhance readability and focus.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer could consider splitting longer paragraphs into smaller ones, particularly when introducing multiple ideas. For example, the paragraph on advantages could be divided into two: one focusing on global unity and the other on accessibility to diverse content. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of cohesive devices, including conjunctions and transitional phrases that help connect ideas. Phrases like "For instance" and "Another negative side" effectively introduce examples and contrasting points. However, there is some repetition in the use of certain cohesive devices, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "For instance," alternatives such as "To illustrate," "As an example," or "This can be seen in" could be employed. Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "Despite this" or "Conversely," could enhance the sophistication of the writing and improve the transitions between contrasting ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a high band score. By focusing on the suggestions provided, the writer can further refine their work and enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary appropriate for the topic. Terms such as "global unity," "cultural divides," "homogenized global culture," and "local creativity" reflect a solid understanding of the subject matter. The use of phrases like "shared experience" and "high-quality contents" indicates an attempt to vary language and express nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the overuse of "global" and "local," which could be diversified to enhance the essay’s lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeatedly using "global," alternatives like "international," "worldwide," or "transnational" could be employed. Additionally, using more specific vocabulary related to cultural aspects, such as "heritage" or "traditions," could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "common entertaining things" is vague; a more specific term like "shared entertainment experiences" would convey the idea more effectively. Additionally, the phrase "high-quality contents" could be refined to "high-quality content," as "content" is typically used as an uncountable noun in this context.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately reflect the intended meaning. Reviewing phrases for clarity and specificity can help. For example, instead of "the influx of global brands and media," the writer could specify "the dominance of international brands and media," which conveys a clearer picture of the situation.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors present. Words such as "advertisements," "traditional," and "recognition" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a strong command of English spelling conventions. However, there are minor issues, such as the inconsistent use of the plural form in "high-quality contents," which should be singular.
- How to improve: To maintain spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay to catch any minor errors or inconsistencies. Practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can also be beneficial. Additionally, focusing on common problematic words or phrases can help in reinforcing correct spelling habits.

Overall, the essay reflects a solid understanding of lexical resource criteria, achieving a Band Score of 7. By addressing the areas of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling, the writer can further enhance their performance in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of various sentence structures. For instance, the writer effectively uses complex sentences, such as "When common entertaining things can be watched and followed worldwide by many people, it fosters a sense of shared experience that can bridge the cultural divides…" This showcases the ability to convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures ("As global media and brands dominate, local values, customs, and traditions are likely to be blurred…") further enhances the complexity of the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "the growing similarity between countries" and "global similarity," which could be varied more to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, such as "In light of this," or "Given these circumstances," to begin paragraphs. Additionally, using more passive constructions or inversion could add further variety. For example, instead of stating "local filmmakers… find themselves struggling," the writer could say, "Struggling to compete, local filmmakers often find themselves at a disadvantage." This would enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "the drawbacks it presents are more significant" is clear and correctly structured. However, there are some punctuation issues, such as the unnecessary comma in "the Olympics or popular movies can unite audiences from diverse backgrounds, and promote a sense of global togetherness." The conjunction "and" does not require a comma before it in this context. Additionally, the phrase "various movies and films’ genres" is awkwardly constructed; it would be clearer as "various genres of movies and films."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread for punctuation errors, particularly with conjunctions and lists. Practicing the rules of comma usage, especially in compound sentences, will help avoid unnecessary pauses. Furthermore, revising awkward phrases for clarity and conciseness will improve the overall flow of the essay. For example, instead of "which can enrich their lives with diverse perspectives and improve their quality of life," the writer could simplify it to "which enrich their lives with diverse perspectives."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. With some attention to diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can further enhance the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The distinction among countries is becoming less evident as people all around the world engage in similar forms of entertainment, such as films, fashion, brands, advertisements, and television programs. While this trend provides certain advantages, the disadvantages it poses are more significant.

On the one hand, the growing similarity between countries can offer some benefits. A key advantage is the promotion of global unity. When common entertainment can be watched and followed worldwide, it fosters a sense of shared experience that bridges cultural divides, enhances mutual understanding, and reduces prejudices among nations. For instance, international events such as the World Cup, the Olympics, or popular movies can unite audiences from diverse backgrounds and promote a sense of global togetherness. Additionally, this phenomenon provides access to high-quality content and products, allowing people to enjoy a wider variety of entertainment and fashion options that were previously unavailable in their local markets. Consider Netflix, a streaming platform, as an example. Netflix offers various genres of movies and enables users to explore films and shows from different cultures, which can enrich their lives by offering diverse perspectives and enhancing their quality of life.

Nevertheless, there are certain disadvantages associated with this global similarity. One major concern is the potential loss of cultural identity. As global media and brands dominate, local values, customs, and traditions may be blurred and could eventually disappear, resulting in a homogenized global culture and leading to a loss of cultural diversity. For example, traditional clothing styles and local languages are increasingly replaced by Western fashion and English, particularly among younger generations. Another negative aspect is the impact on local industries. Owing to the influx of global brands and media, local filmmakers, fashion designers, and businesses often struggle to compete against popular global brands and movies. Consequently, local creativity is stifled, and economic growth is at risk of being hindered. For instance, it is challenging for local filmmakers to attract audiences and gain recognition when international movies prove more captivating and tend to overshadow local productions.