the digram shows the life cycle of honey bee

The diagram shows that the reproduction process of honey bee
Overall, the total process takes place more than one month, in 34-36 days. There are various steps in the life common cycle, from eggs was laid by mature female developing into the honey bee form in 7-9 days, to young adult grow into mature ones.
At the beginning of the process, there are about 1-2 eggs, being laid by two mature honey bees female with across three days and hatched after 9-10 days. After which, these eggs developed into the baby honey bee after 5 days. At which point, a honey bee has a full of limbs and organs but was the small size, then they gradually grow in 7 days with the bigger of their body shade.
The process continues with the developing of the form of honey bee after 9 days. It is important to note that the present form was generated after 3 times of nymph moults in order to adult. Gradually, honey bee grow into young adult ones and lost 4 days to officially matured. Finally, the cycle begins again under the female and male honey bees and reborned eggs.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"the reproduction process of honey bee" -> "the reproductive process of honey bees"
Explanation: "Reproduction" is a more appropriate term to describe the process of producing offspring. Additionally, "honey bee" should be pluralized to "honey bees" to indicate that it refers to the entire species rather than an individual bee.
"There are various steps in the life common cycle" -> "There are various stages in the life cycle"
Explanation: "Stages" is a more precise term for distinct phases of development. "Common" is unnecessary here and can be omitted for clarity and conciseness.
"from eggs was laid by mature female developing into the honey bee form" -> "from eggs laid by mature females developing into the honey bee form"
Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement and pluralizing "females" to match the plural noun "eggs" and "honey bees."
"At the beginning of the process, there are about 1-2 eggs, being laid by two mature honey bees female with across three days" -> "At the onset of the process, approximately 1-2 eggs are laid by two mature female honey bees over a span of three days"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and coherence, while also correcting grammatical errors such as the incorrect placement of "being" and the missing article before "mature female honey bees."
"After which, these eggs developed into the baby honey bee after 5 days" -> "Subsequently, these eggs develop into bee larvae within 5 days"
Explanation: Using "bee larvae" instead of "baby honey bee" is more accurate and specific, reflecting the developmental stage after hatching.
"At which point, a honey bee has a full of limbs and organs but was the small size" -> "At this stage, a honey bee possesses fully developed limbs and organs but is still small in size"
Explanation: Correcting the tense agreement and improving clarity by rephrasing the sentence.
"then they gradually grow in 7 days with the bigger of their body shade" -> "then they undergo gradual growth over a period of 7 days, increasing in body size"
Explanation: Clarifying the sentence structure and using more precise language to describe the growth process.
"The process continues with the developing of the form of honey bee after 9 days" -> "The process continues with the development of the honey bee form after 9 days"
Explanation: Simplifying and correcting the sentence structure for clarity.
"It is important to note that the present form was generated after 3 times of nymph moults in order to adult" -> "It is important to note that the current form is achieved after three nymphal molts, leading to adulthood"
Explanation: Clarifying the sentence by using "molts" instead of "moults" and rephrasing for coherence and precision.
"lost 4 days to officially matured" -> "takes an additional 4 days to reach maturity"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical structure to indicate the time required for maturity.
"the female and male honey bees and reborned eggs" -> "by female and male honey bees and newly laid eggs"
Explanation: Using "newly laid eggs" instead of "reborned eggs" for clarity and precision, as well as adjusting the sentence structure for coherence.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 4

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Band Score: 4

Explanation: The essay attempts to address the task but does not cover all key features or bullet points, and the format may be inappropriate. Parts of the response are unclear and contain several inaccuracies in vocabulary and grammar, which makes it challenging to understand the sequence of events in the life cycle of a honey bee. The essay has notable instances of grammatical errors, repetition, and a general lack of clarity in the presentation of information.

How to improve: To improve, the writer should focus on presenting a clear, logical overview of the life cycle with key features and stages. Avoid inaccuracies in vocabulary and grammar, and make sure the description follows the correct sequence. Properly organize the essay to maintain clarity and coherence, ensuring that the transitions between different stages are smooth and logical.
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Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay presents information with some organization, outlining the life cycle of a honey bee. There is a general progression from eggs to mature bees, although some details are unclear. The essay lacks overall coherence and cohesion due to inadequate use of cohesive devices and inconsistent paragraphing. Sentences are often disjointed, making it challenging to follow the sequence of events. There are instances of inaccurate language use, such as "developing into the honey bee form" and "the bigger of their body shade," which hinder clarity.

How to improve:

Improve coherence by structuring the essay with clear topic sentences for each paragraph, outlining the different stages of the honey bee life cycle.
Ensure logical progression by connecting ideas smoothly between sentences and paragraphs, using cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases.
Clarify and correct language use to enhance comprehension and accuracy. Use precise terminology related to bee biology and development.
Revise paragraphing to create logical breaks between different stages of the life cycle, aiding readability and comprehension.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, primarily using basic vocabulary and repetitive phrases such as "honey bee" and "life cycle." There are attempts to incorporate some less common vocabulary, but they are often used inaccurately or inappropriately, as seen in phrases like "being laid by two mature honey bees female" instead of "being laid by two mature female honey bees." Additionally, there are noticeable errors in word formation and spelling throughout the essay, such as "reborned" instead of "reborn" and "shade" instead of "shape."

How to improve: To improve the lexical resource, the writer should expand their vocabulary and aim for more precise and varied word choices. Proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is essential to enhance clarity and readability. Additionally, focusing on using correct grammar structures and sentence constructions will further improve the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0

Explanation: The essay primarily employs a limited range of sentence structures with occasional attempts at complexity. There are some instances of subordinate clauses, but they are not consistently used throughout the essay. Errors in grammar and punctuation are noticeable, affecting the overall clarity and coherence of the text. Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing and ambiguous meaning.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should aim to vary sentence structures more consistently, incorporating a wider range of complex structures such as relative clauses, conditional sentences, and passive voice constructions. Attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation is crucial to enhance clarity and coherence. Proofreading for errors and revising ambiguous or awkwardly phrased sentences can help improve the overall quality of writing. Additionally, focusing on expressing ideas with more precision and clarity would contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided diagram illustrates the life cycle of a honey bee.

Overall, the life cycle spans approximately 34-36 days, comprising several distinct stages. The process begins with the deposition of 1-2 eggs by mature female bees over a period of three days. These eggs then undergo an incubation period of 9-10 days before hatching into larvae. Subsequently, the larvae develop into juvenile honey bees within 5 days. At this stage, although the honey bees possess fully formed limbs and organs, they are still of a small size. However, over the following 7 days, they undergo significant growth, resulting in a noticeable increase in body size.

The cycle progresses with the further development of the honey bee form over the subsequent 9 days. It is noteworthy that the mature form is attained after three successive nymphal stages, culminating in the emergence of an adult bee. The transition from young adult to mature adult takes approximately 4 days. Following this, the cycle repeats as female and male honey bees engage in the process of egg-laying, thus perpetuating the life cycle of the honey bee.