The first chart below shows the number of airline crew (pilots, stewards etc) needed to fly a passenger plane between Australia and a number of other countries. The second chart shows the number of passenger complaints per plane journey made on these routes, and average kilogram (kg) weight of luggage (or baggage) carried per passenger. Write a report summarising the information. Select and describe the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
The first chart below shows the number of airline crew (pilots, stewards etc) needed to fly a passenger plane between Australia and a number of other countries. The second chart shows the number of passenger complaints per plane journey made on these routes, and average kilogram (kg) weight of luggage (or baggage) carried per passenger.
Write a report summarising the information. Select and describe the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
The charts below illustrate figures of airline passenger flights from Australia to four countries. While the first diagram shows the number of crews on each flight, the other presents the passenger complaints of each flight along with the amount of luggage per user.
Looking at the first graph, it is blatantly obvious that Germany’s airlines offer the most with about 15 crews, whilst New Zealand’s is the smallest with 6 crews. Indonesia has the second-highest number of more than 10 crews, which offers more than Malaysia’s with 8 crews.
Taking a closer look at the second graph, a remarkable contrast between the two factors, which are the weight of luggage per passenger and the number of complaints received after each flight. Taking Germany as an example, although having the heaviest luggage weight at about 40 kilograms per passenger, they receive the least complaints, nearly zero to be specific. On the other side, New Zealand’s airlines have the highest number of complaints, approximately 5, despite offering the smallest luggage weight per passenger. Indonesia and Malaysia share some similarities in terms of numbers with about 30 kilograms of luggage along with about 5 complaints received after each flight.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the charts below illustrate figures of airline passenger flights" -> "the charts below present data on airline passenger flights"
Explanation: "Present" is a more formal term than "illustrate" in this context, and "data on" is more precise than "figures of," which can be vague. -
"the number of crews on each flight" -> "the number of crew members on each flight"
Explanation: "Crew members" is a more accurate term than "crews," as it specifies the individuals rather than the collective group, aligning better with formal language. -
"it is blatantly obvious" -> "it is evident"
Explanation: "Evident" is a more formal and precise expression than "blatantly obvious," which can come across as informal and subjective. -
"Germany’s airlines offer the most with about 15 crews" -> "Germany’s airlines employ the highest number of crew members, approximately 15"
Explanation: "Employ" is a more appropriate term in this context, and "the highest number of crew members" is clearer and more formal than "offer the most with about 15 crews." -
"the smallest with 6 crews" -> "the lowest with 6 crew members"
Explanation: "Lowest" is a more precise term than "smallest" when referring to numerical values, and "crew members" maintains consistency with the previous suggestion. -
"which offers more than Malaysia’s with 8 crews" -> "which employs more crew members than Malaysia, which has 8"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the comparison and maintains parallel structure, improving readability and precision. -
"a remarkable contrast between the two factors, which are the weight of luggage per passenger and the number of complaints received after each flight" -> "a notable contrast between two factors: the weight of luggage per passenger and the number of complaints received after each flight"
Explanation: "Notable" is a more formal alternative to "remarkable," and using a colon improves clarity by clearly introducing the two factors. -
"although having the heaviest luggage weight at about 40 kilograms per passenger" -> "despite having the heaviest luggage weight, approximately 40 kilograms per passenger"
Explanation: "Despite" is a more formal transition than "although," and "approximately" is a more precise term than "about." -
"they receive the least complaints, nearly zero to be specific" -> "they receive the fewest complaints, nearly zero"
Explanation: "Fewest" is the correct superlative form to describe countable complaints, enhancing precision and formality. -
"On the other side, New Zealand’s airlines have the highest number of complaints" -> "Conversely, New Zealand’s airlines report the highest number of complaints"
Explanation: "Conversely" is a more formal transition than "on the other side," and "report" is a more precise verb than "have" in this context. -
"despite offering the smallest luggage weight per passenger" -> "despite allowing the lightest luggage weight per passenger"
Explanation: "Allowing" is more appropriate than "offering" in this context, as it indicates a policy or limit regarding luggage weight. -
"share some similarities in terms of numbers with about 30 kilograms of luggage along with about 5 complaints received after each flight" -> "exhibit similarities in terms of both luggage weight, approximately 30 kilograms, and the number of complaints received, around 5, after each flight"
Explanation: "Exhibit" is a more formal term than "share," and the rephrasing improves clarity and precision by clearly delineating the two aspects being compared.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6
Explanation: The essay addresses all the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the information in the charts. The writer selects and describes the main features of the charts, making comparisons where relevant. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the writer states that Germany has the heaviest luggage weight at about 40 kilograms per passenger, but the chart shows that the weight is closer to 38 kilograms.
How to improve: The writer could improve the essay by providing more accurate information and by extending the key features in more detail. For example, the writer could discuss the relationship between the number of crew members and the number of passenger complaints. The writer could also discuss the possible reasons for the differences in luggage weight and passenger complaints between the different countries.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay presents information in a coherent manner, with a clear overall progression from discussing the number of crew members to the analysis of passenger complaints and luggage weight. However, while the ideas are arranged logically, there are instances where the cohesion between sentences could be improved. For example, the transition between the discussion of crew numbers and passenger complaints lacks smoothness, making the connection between these two aspects less clear. Additionally, while the essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "on the other side" and "taking Germany as an example," there are moments where these devices feel mechanical or are not used effectively, which detracts from the overall fluidity of the writing. The paragraphing is present but could be better organized to enhance clarity.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on improving the use of cohesive devices to create smoother transitions between ideas. This can be done by using a wider range of linking words and phrases that clearly indicate relationships between points. Additionally, enhancing the logical flow of paragraphs by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas are developed fully within those paragraphs would contribute to a more coherent structure. Finally, ensuring that comparisons and contrasts are explicitly stated can help clarify the relationships between the data presented in the charts.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common vocabulary. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "Germany’s airlines offer the most with about 15 crews," which could be phrased more naturally. Additionally, the phrase "blatantly obvious" may come across as informal for an academic report. There are also some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "user" instead of "passenger," which detracts from clarity but does not completely impede communication.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using it more precisely. They should also aim to reduce errors in word choice and collocation, ensuring that the language used is appropriate for an academic context. Additionally, improving spelling and grammatical accuracy will enhance overall clarity and coherence in the report.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some attempts at complexity, the control of grammar and punctuation is inconsistent. There are noticeable errors, such as "Germany’s airlines offer the most with about 15 crews" (which could be clearer as "Germany has the highest number of crew members, with about 15") and "the other presents the passenger complaints of each flight along with the amount of luggage per user" (which is awkwardly phrased). These errors do not severely impede communication, but they do indicate a need for improvement in grammatical accuracy.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and increasing the variety of sentence structures used. This can be done by proofreading for errors, practicing more complex sentence constructions, and ensuring that all sentences are clear and precise. Additionally, reducing the number of grammatical mistakes and improving punctuation will contribute to a more polished and professional report.
Bài sửa mẫu
The charts below illustrate figures related to airline passenger flights from Australia to four countries. While the first diagram shows the number of crew members on each flight, the second presents the number of passenger complaints per flight, along with the average weight of luggage carried per passenger.
Looking at the first graph, it is clear that Germany’s airlines employ the most crew members, with approximately 15 on each flight, while New Zealand’s has the fewest, with only 6 crew members. Indonesia ranks second with more than 10 crew members, surpassing Malaysia, which has 8 crew members.
Examining the second graph reveals a notable contrast between the two factors: the weight of luggage per passenger and the number of complaints received after each flight. For instance, Germany, despite having the heaviest luggage weight at around 40 kilograms per passenger, receives the fewest complaints, nearly zero to be specific. In contrast, New Zealand’s airlines have the highest number of complaints, approximately 5, despite allowing the least luggage weight per passenger. Indonesia and Malaysia exhibit some similarities, with both having about 30 kilograms of luggage and approximately 5 complaints received after each flight.
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