The following bar chart shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart depicts the proportion of travelers who utilized various modes of transportation in a European city during selected years from 1960 to 2000.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that the percentage of car drivers showed an upward trend, whereas a reverse pattern was observed in the data for bike and foot over the given period.

In 1960, the percentage of individuals who walk was highest, at around 35%. The figures for bike and buses were lower, at 25% and nearly 18%. However, motor vehicles accounted for the lowest percentage, at just over 5%.

From 1980 to 2000, there was a dramatic increase in the number of automobiles, reaching a peak of over 35%, whereas that of bike and foot decreased substantially, to only about 5% and 10%. In terms of buses, the data on buses increased gradually to about 25% in 1980 before substantially decreasing to just over 15% in the final year.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The bar chart depicts" -> "The bar chart illustrates"
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise and formal term than "depicts" in academic contexts, enhancing the formality of the language.
"utilized various modes of transportation" -> "used various modes of transportation"
Explanation: "Used" is a more direct and commonly accepted term in academic writing than "utilized," which can sound overly formal or pretentious.
"a European city" -> "a European city center"
Explanation: Adding "center" provides specificity and clarity about the location, which is important in academic writing for precision and context.
"upward trend" -> "increasing trend"
Explanation: "Increasing trend" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic analysis, enhancing clarity and formality.
"a reverse pattern was observed" -> "a decreasing trend was observed"
Explanation: "Decreasing trend" is more specific and accurate than "reverse pattern," which can be vague and less formal.
"the percentage of individuals who walk" -> "the proportion of pedestrians"
Explanation: "Proportion of pedestrians" is a more concise and formal way to describe the data, avoiding the redundancy of "individuals who walk."
"nearly 18%" -> "approximately 18%"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more precise and formal than "nearly," which can be seen as less precise in academic writing.
"motor vehicles accounted for the lowest percentage" -> "motor vehicles represented the smallest proportion"
Explanation: "Represented the smallest proportion" is more formal and precise, fitting better in an academic context than "accounted for the lowest percentage."
"dramatic increase" -> "substantial increase"
Explanation: "Substantial" is more academically appropriate than "dramatic," which can carry emotional connotations that are not suitable for formal analysis.
"the number of automobiles" -> "the number of car users"
Explanation: "Car users" is a more specific and formal term than "automobiles," which is somewhat redundant and less precise in this context.
"substantially decreased" -> "significantly decreased"
Explanation: "Significantly" is a more commonly used term in academic writing to describe changes in data, and it is more formal than "substantially."
"just over 15%" -> "approximately 15%"
Explanation: "Approximately" is a more precise and formal way to express closeness to a percentage, avoiding the colloquial tone of "just."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the text, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the increase in car use and the decrease in walking and cycling. It also presents key features of the data, such as the highest percentage of walkers in 1960 and the peak of car use in 2000. However, the essay could be more fully extended by providing more specific details about the changes in each mode of transport.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the changes in each mode of transport. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of car drivers increased by 30% between 1960 and 2000, while the percentage of walkers decreased by 25% during the same period. The essay could also provide more specific comparisons between the different modes of transport. For example, the essay could state that in 2000, car use was three times higher than bike use.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the analysis of the data. The use of cohesive devices is evident, but there are instances where the cohesion within and between sentences could be improved, leading to a somewhat mechanical flow. For example, phrases like "In 1960" and "From 1980 to 2000" serve as transitions, but the connections between ideas could be more fluid. The paragraphing is present but not always logically structured, as the second paragraph could be better organized to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing the logical flow of ideas by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smoother. Additionally, improving the organization of paragraphs to ensure that each one presents a clear central topic and logically progresses from one idea to the next would strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are instances of inaccuracy in word choice and collocation, such as "the percentage of individuals who walk" instead of "who walked" or "who used walking." Additionally, there are minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "bike" which is more commonly referred to as "bicycle" in formal writing. These issues do not impede communication but do limit the overall effectiveness of the lexical resource.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider variety of vocabulary and ensure that less common terms are used accurately. Additionally, improving control over word formation and avoiding repetitive phrases will contribute to a more sophisticated use of language. Incorporating synonyms and varying sentence structures can also elevate the overall quality of the vocabulary used in the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6 performance. The writer successfully conveys the main features of the bar chart and makes relevant comparisons. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as "the percentage of individuals who walk was highest" (should be "who walked") and "the data on buses increased gradually" (which could be more clearly stated as "the percentage of bus users increased gradually"). While these errors do not significantly hinder communication, they do indicate a lack of full control over grammatical structures.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and expanding the range of sentence structures used. This can be accomplished by practicing complex sentence formation and ensuring that verb tenses are consistently correct. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors and awkward phrasing can help improve overall clarity and coherence in the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of travelers who utilized various modes of transportation in a European city during selected years from 1960 to 2000.

From an overall perspective, it is evident that the percentage of car drivers exhibited an upward trend, whereas a contrasting pattern was observed in the data for bicycles and walking over the given period.

In 1960, the percentage of individuals who walked was the highest, at approximately 35%. The figures for bicycles and buses were lower, at 25% and nearly 18%, respectively. Conversely, motor vehicles accounted for the lowest percentage, at just over 5%.

From 1980 to 2000, there was a dramatic increase in the number of automobiles, reaching a peak of over 35%, while the percentages for bicycles and walking decreased significantly, dropping to only about 5% and 10%. Regarding buses, the data showed a gradual increase to about 25% in 1980 before experiencing a substantial decline to just over 15% in the final year.