The given chart presents information about the ratio of families living in the owned accommodation and rented accommodation in England and Wales from 1918 to 2011.

According to the bar chart, the number of households in owned accommodation has witnessed a significant increase while the opposite was true for the rest. Additionally, from 1971 onwards, the number of home ownership officially surpassed the number of those living in the rented accommodation.

In 1918, 24% to 25% of families in England and Wales lived in rented houses while approximately 75% to 76% of those lived in their own house. In 1939, the number of home ownership in rented houses considerably declined to just below 70% and stayed there in 1953. In contrast, there was a significant growth in the proportion of households in their own house with roughly 32% in 1939, and this figure remained unchanged in 1953. These trends in two categories continued to 1971 and balanced these rates with 50% for each in 1971.

From 1971 to 2011, the percentage of renters dramatically decreased to slightly higher than 30% in 2001, followed by a slight growth of 5% in the final year. During the same period, the ratio of home ownerships experienced a gradual increase to nearly 70%, before decreasing to approximately 65%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given chart" -> "The provided chart"
Explanation: "Provided" is more formal and precise than "given," which can sound somewhat casual and vague in academic writing.
"witnessed a significant increase" -> "experienced a substantial increase"
Explanation: "Experienced" is more appropriate in academic contexts to describe the impact of changes over time, and "substantial" is a more precise term than "significant," which can be somewhat vague.
"the opposite was true for the rest" -> "the opposite was true for the other categories"
Explanation: "The other categories" is more specific and avoids the vague "the rest," which can be unclear in this context.
"the number of home ownership officially surpassed" -> "the proportion of homeownership exceeded"
Explanation: "Proportion of homeownership" is a more precise term than "number of home ownership," and "exceeded" is a more formal verb choice than "surpassed."
"lived in rented houses" -> "resided in rented dwellings"
Explanation: "Resided" is a more formal verb than "lived," and "dwellings" is a more precise term than "houses" in this context, which is more commonly used in academic writing.
"considerably declined" -> "markedly decreased"
Explanation: "Markedly decreased" is a more formal and precise expression than "considerably declined," which is somewhat informal and less specific.
"stayed there" -> "remained constant"
Explanation: "Remained constant" is more formal and academically appropriate than "stayed there," which is conversational.
"These trends in two categories" -> "These trends in both categories"
Explanation: "Both" is more precise and formal than "two," which is less specific and slightly informal.
"balanced these rates" -> "equaled these rates"
Explanation: "Equaled" is more precise and formal than "balanced," which can imply a dynamic or active process rather than a static condition.
"dramatically decreased" -> "significantly decreased"
Explanation: "Significantly" is more appropriate in academic writing than "dramatically," which can be seen as overly dramatic and less formal.
"slightly higher than 30%" -> "marginally above 30%"
Explanation: "Marginally above" is a more precise and formal way to describe a small increase, compared to "slightly higher."
"a slight growth of 5%" -> "a marginal increase of 5%"
Explanation: "Marginal increase" is a more formal and precise term than "slight growth," which can be vague and informal.
"ratio of home ownerships" -> "proportion of homeownership"
Explanation: "Proportion of homeownership" is grammatically correct and more formal than "ratio of home ownerships," which is awkward and incorrect.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the information presented in the chart, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay presents some key features of the chart, but it does not fully extend the information. For example, the essay states that the number of home ownership in rented houses considerably declined to just below 70% in 1939, but it does not provide any specific figures to support this claim.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more specific details about the key features of the chart. For example, the essay could provide the exact percentage of families living in owned accommodation in 1939, rather than simply stating that it was just below 70%. The essay could also provide more detailed information about the trends in the data, such as the rate of change in the number of families living in owned accommodation over time.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, and there is a clear overall progression. The use of cohesive devices is effective, but there are instances where cohesion within and/or between sentences feels somewhat mechanical. Paragraphing is used, but not always logically, as seen in the abrupt transition between the second and third paragraphs.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Work on making the transitions between sentences and paragraphs smoother. For instance, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be improved by adding a linking sentence that ties the two ideas together more seamlessly.
Refine Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the progression from one paragraph to the next is logical. Consider combining shorter paragraphs or splitting longer ones to better organize the information.
Use of Cohesive Devices: While the essay uses cohesive devices, there is room for improvement in their variety and placement. Avoid mechanical repetition and aim for a more natural flow in the use of linking words and phrases.

By addressing these areas, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Coherence and Cohesion criteria.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, with some attempts to use less common lexical items. However, there are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the rest" when referring to rented accommodation, which lacks clarity. Additionally, phrases like "the number of home ownership" are awkwardly constructed. There are also some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "home ownerships," which should be "home ownership." These issues do not severely impede communication but do detract from the overall effectiveness of the lexical resource used.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and using more precise and varied expressions. They should also pay attention to collocations and ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate. Practicing the use of synonyms and less common vocabulary in context can enhance lexical flexibility. Additionally, proofreading for spelling and word formation errors can help improve clarity and coherence in the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of Band 6. While it communicates the main ideas effectively, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that occasionally hinder clarity. The use of structures is adequate, but there are instances where the accuracy of grammar and punctuation could be improved. For example, phrases like "the opposite was true for the rest" could be clearer, and there are minor inaccuracies in the use of terms like "home ownerships," which should be "home ownership." Overall, the essay shows a reasonable control of grammar, but the errors are noticeable and can affect the reader’s understanding.

How to improve:

Enhance Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical range. This could include using subordinate clauses more effectively.
Focus on Accuracy: Pay closer attention to grammatical accuracy, particularly in terms of subject-verb agreement and the correct use of terms. Proofreading can help identify and correct these errors.
Clarify Ideas: Ensure that all ideas are expressed clearly and concisely. Avoid vague terms and strive for precision in language to enhance overall clarity.
Practice Punctuation: Review punctuation rules to minimize errors, as correct punctuation is essential for clear communication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given chart presents information about the ratio of families living in owned accommodation and rented accommodation in England and Wales from 1918 to 2011.

According to the bar chart, the number of households in owned accommodation has witnessed a significant increase, while the opposite trend was observed for rented accommodation. Additionally, from 1971 onwards, the number of homeowners officially surpassed the number of those living in rented accommodation.

In 1918, 24% to 25% of families in England and Wales lived in rented houses, while approximately 75% to 76% resided in their own homes. By 1939, the proportion of homeownership in rented houses had considerably declined to just below 70% and remained at that level in 1953. In contrast, there was significant growth in the proportion of households in their own homes, with roughly 32% in 1939, and this figure remained unchanged in 1953. These trends in the two categories continued until 1971, when the rates balanced at 50% for each category.

From 1971 to 2011, the percentage of renters dramatically decreased to slightly above 30% in 2001, followed by a slight increase of 5% in the final year. During the same period, the ratio of homeowners experienced a gradual increase to nearly 70%, before decreasing to approximately 65%.