The given chart shows data on students’ sports preferences.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features and make comparison where relevant.
The given chart shows data on students' sports preferences.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting main features and make comparison where relevant.
In general, students have favorite sports and dislike.
Looking at the outstanding parameters, it can be understood that tennis is displayed through the parameters that reduce the number of people who like to do not like, so the number of people who like the majority in the whole class. At that time, the number of people liked and did not like in the same football so there was no change. In particular, the cricket of those who like it almost nothing but the number of people who don't like it is almost the whole class. The opposite of tennis and cricket can be seen.
Conclusion, tennis is the most popular subject and then football and finally cricket
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In general, students have favorite sports and dislike." -> "In general, students have preferences for certain sports and dislike others."
Explanation: The original phrase "have favorite sports and dislike" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning by specifying that students have preferences for certain sports and dislike others, which is more precise and formal. -
"Looking at the outstanding parameters" -> "Considering the prominent factors"
Explanation: "Outstanding parameters" is vague and could be misinterpreted. "Prominent factors" is more specific and academically appropriate, clearly indicating the importance of the factors being considered. -
"it can be understood that tennis is displayed through the parameters that reduce the number of people who like to do not like" -> "it is evident that tennis is favored by the majority of students, while others prefer other sports"
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies the meaning and corrects the grammar, providing a clear and concise statement about the preferences of students. -
"the number of people liked and did not like in the same football" -> "the number of students who like and dislike football"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision simplifies and clarifies the meaning, focusing on the students’ preferences for football. -
"In particular, the cricket of those who like it almost nothing but the number of people who don’t like it is almost the whole class" -> "Specifically, cricket is almost universally disliked by the class, while those who enjoy it are a minority"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning, providing a more precise and formal expression. -
"The opposite of tennis and cricket can be seen." -> "This contrast is evident in the preferences for tennis and cricket."
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and lacks context. The revision provides a clearer and more formal expression, specifying the contrast in preferences. -
"Conclusion, tennis is the most popular subject and then football and finally cricket" -> "In conclusion, tennis is the most popular sport, followed by football, and then cricket"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks proper punctuation and is grammatically incorrect. The revision corrects these issues and uses more formal language appropriate for academic writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to summarize the data on students’ sports preferences but fails to provide a clear and comprehensive overview of the chart. For instance, while it mentions tennis and cricket, it does not adequately detail the specific figures or comparisons that the prompt requests. The phrase "the outstanding parameters" is vague and does not clarify what specific data points are being referenced. Additionally, the essay does not mention the overall trends or any other sports that may be present in the chart.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the writer should clearly identify and describe the main features of the chart, including specific data points and comparisons among all sports listed. Including numerical data or percentages would enhance the analysis and provide a more comprehensive summary.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear position regarding the students’ sports preferences. While it concludes that "tennis is the most popular subject," the reasoning behind this conclusion is not clearly articulated. The statement about football being equally liked and disliked is confusing and does not effectively convey the writer’s stance on its popularity.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their observations about each sport’s popularity based on the data. Using clear comparative language and structure (e.g., "Tennis is the most popular sport, followed by football, while cricket is the least favored") would help clarify the position throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about the sports preferences but does not extend or support them effectively. The mention of "the number of people who like" and "the number of people who don’t like" is vague and lacks specific details. There are no examples or data points provided to substantiate the claims made about each sport.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should provide specific data from the chart to back up their claims. For example, stating "70% of students prefer tennis, while only 10% prefer cricket" would provide a stronger basis for the analysis. Additionally, elaborating on why certain sports are more popular could add depth to the discussion.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic regarding sports preferences but occasionally strays into vague language that detracts from the focus. Phrases like "the parameters that reduce the number of people who like to do not like" are unclear and do not contribute meaningfully to the topic. This ambiguity can confuse the reader and detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the writer should avoid vague language and instead use clear, straightforward expressions. Each sentence should directly relate to the sports preferences being discussed, ensuring that all information presented is relevant to the prompt.
Overall, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on providing specific data, maintaining clarity and coherence, and ensuring that all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents information in a somewhat disorganized manner. For instance, the initial sentence introduces the topic but lacks clarity and specificity. The discussion of tennis and cricket is not clearly structured, making it difficult for the reader to follow the comparisons. The transitions between ideas are abrupt, which disrupts the logical flow. The conclusion attempts to summarize the findings but does so in a vague manner, failing to encapsulate the main features effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should start with a clear introduction that outlines the main sports being discussed. Each sport should be addressed in its own paragraph, with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. For example, a paragraph could begin with "Tennis is the most popular sport among students, as indicated by the data," followed by supporting details. Using a clear structure of introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion will help improve coherence.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing. It reads as a single block of text, which makes it challenging to identify distinct ideas or comparisons. Each sport’s discussion is jumbled together, leading to confusion about which points relate to which sports. The absence of paragraph breaks contributes to a lack of clarity and makes it difficult for the reader to navigate the information.
- How to improve: The writer should use separate paragraphs for each sport discussed. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea, starting with a clear topic sentence. For example, one paragraph could focus solely on tennis, another on football, and a third on cricket. This will help the reader easily follow the comparisons and understand the main features of the data presented.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices, which affects the overall flow and connection between ideas. Phrases like "on the other hand" or "in contrast" are missing, which would help clarify relationships between the sports being compared. The use of pronouns and conjunctions is minimal, leading to a disjointed reading experience.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. For example, using "Furthermore" to add information about tennis, or "Conversely" to introduce the discussion on cricket, would enhance coherence. Additionally, employing pronouns effectively can help avoid repetition and make the text flow more smoothly. Practicing the use of cohesive devices in writing exercises will also help diversify their usage.
In summary, to achieve a higher band score for coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing information logically, using clear paragraphing, and incorporating a range of cohesive devices. This will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the essay, making it easier for the reader to understand the main features and comparisons presented in the data.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. While terms such as "favorite sports," "parameters," and "popular" are used, the overall lexical variety is insufficient to convey nuanced comparisons or descriptions. For instance, phrases like "the number of people who like" and "the number of people who don’t like" are repetitive and lack sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and more descriptive phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "like" and "dislike," you might use "enjoy" and "prefer" or "have a preference for." Additionally, using terms like "popularity," "enthusiasm," or "participation rates" can add depth to your analysis.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of vague and imprecise vocabulary. For example, the phrase "displayed through the parameters" is unclear and does not effectively communicate the intended meaning. Similarly, "the number of people liked and did not like" is awkward and grammatically incorrect, leading to confusion about the data being presented.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the data. Instead of saying "displayed through the parameters," you could say "illustrated by the data." Additionally, ensure grammatical accuracy by restructuring sentences for clarity. For example, "the number of students who liked and disliked football remained unchanged" is clearer and more precise.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling and grammatical errors that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "the cricket of those who like it almost nothing" is not only grammatically incorrect but also contains awkward phrasing that makes it difficult to understand.
- How to improve: To improve spelling and grammatical accuracy, consider proofreading your work carefully or using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing writing and revising sentences can help reinforce correct spelling and structure. Reading more academic texts can also expose you to proper spelling and usage in context, which can aid in your writing.
By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria. Focus on expanding your vocabulary, ensuring precision in word choice, and maintaining correct spelling and grammar throughout your writing.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly uses simple sentence structures, which limits the overall complexity and variety. For instance, sentences like "In general, students have favorite sports and dislike" and "At that time, the number of people liked and did not like in the same football so there was no change" demonstrate a reliance on basic constructions. There are few compound or complex sentences, which would enhance the essay’s sophistication. The phrase "the opposite of tennis and cricket can be seen" is vague and lacks clarity, further detracting from the effectiveness of the argument.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that combine independent and dependent clauses. For example, instead of saying "In general, students have favorite sports and dislike," the writer could say, "While students generally have favorite sports, they also express a dislike for certain activities." Additionally, using transitional phrases can help connect ideas more fluidly, such as "In contrast" or "Moreover," which would improve coherence.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, the phrase "the parameters that reduce the number of people who like to do not like" is confusing and grammatically incorrect. The use of "the number of people liked and did not like in the same football" lacks proper verb tense and structure. Moreover, there are missing commas and periods, particularly in the conclusion, which affects readability. The sentence "Conclusion, tennis is the most popular subject and then football and finally cricket" should be restructured for grammatical correctness.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and verb tenses. Practicing sentence diagramming can help clarify sentence structure. Additionally, focusing on punctuation rules, such as when to use commas and periods, will improve the overall flow of the essay. For example, the conclusion could be revised to: "In conclusion, tennis is the most popular sport, followed by football, while cricket is the least favored."
By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy for future IELTS essays.
Bài sửa mẫu
In general, students have preferences for certain sports and dislike others. Considering the prominent factors, it is evident that tennis is favored by the majority of students, while others prefer different sports. The data shows that the number of students who like and dislike football remains relatively balanced, indicating no significant change in preference. Specifically, cricket is almost universally disliked by the class, with only a small minority expressing enjoyment for it. This contrast is evident in the preferences for tennis and cricket.
In conclusion, tennis is the most popular sport among students, followed by football, and then cricket.